I need some help (13 year old girl with cutting problem)?!


Question: I have a problem. I'm 13 and cut myself, but don't know how to not. I also don't know who to tell. I have several teachers I trust but I don't trust my parents or think they would respond well. My friends wouldn't understand, and I just don't have to social skills to go to someone and get help. What should I do? You can't tell me not to cut because it's not that easy, I've tried and always go back.


Answers: I have a problem. I'm 13 and cut myself, but don't know how to not. I also don't know who to tell. I have several teachers I trust but I don't trust my parents or think they would respond well. My friends wouldn't understand, and I just don't have to social skills to go to someone and get help. What should I do? You can't tell me not to cut because it's not that easy, I've tried and always go back.

Oh, sweetie, trust me. I know how difficult this habit is to break. I can now finally say I no longer self-injure, and I'm 19 now. I started when I was 11.

You may think your friends don't understand, but you never know. It's human nature to think we're alone in our feelings. You might find an empathetic ear amongst your friends. Try there first.

I would suggest talking to a school counselor, but they are obligated by law to inform your parents if you are causing harm to yourself or anyone else. Because of that, your parents will find out. Even if you don't think they will respond "well," can you expect them? Imagine hearing that your child hurt themselves willingly. It will be difficult for any individual to handle. But despite any negative reaction initially, they do want to help you--keep that in mind.

If you truly are not ready to let your parents know, there are anonymous hotlines you can call. I believe S.A.F.E. (Self Abuse Finally Ends) has a hotline, but as I've never called, I can't tell you what it's like. But the main point I'm trying to emphasize here is that it's very beneficial to talk to someone. I know the idea might be scary, and seem a bit illogical, but having someone listen and show genuine care to your problems will do a lot to relieve your anxiety or sadness.

There are some tricks to distract yourself when you feel like self-injuring. You can wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it when you feel like cutting, but that's just another outlet for pain. I don't suggest it, but I understand sometimes that physical pain is necessary. You can try to write. I used to scribble furiously, not even making words sometimes, until I felt the energy had left me. You can draw on yourself with markers, too. Or scream into a pillow, if you're alone (and give it a few good whacks for measure). Or just breathe. Really breathe. Take a deep breath, tense all your muscles from head to toe, and then as you exhale, relax your muscles. Do that over and over again until you start feeling a little more calm. And, if you can muster up the courage to do so, get rid of all the objects you usually cut with.

There's only so much I can say in terms of advice. Of course, stopping is just up to you; no one else can force you to do it. Keep working at it and don't give up. I know it's hard, but keep trying to stop. One day, your efforts will pay off. The longer you do it, the worst it will get. I've been in hospitals and psychiatric wards many times because I cut too deeply and needed stitches. I don't want the same to happen to you.

Why do you cut yourself? To break the habit, try masturbating.

Remove cutting tools from your immediate area. If you have to take the time to look for something with which to cut yourself, you may find you have just given yourself enough time to deal with the impulse.

Release the pain without cutting by telling someone. Talk to someone--a doctor, teacher, friends, your parents if you can. You will be surprised how relieved you will feel after you talk about it. If you chose a doctor or a counselor, they can get you the help you need to heal the underlying cause. Speak out loud about what is causing you so much pain. Talk about it - even to yourself, in the privacy of your bedroom. Yell or scream - anything to release the tension inside of you - but do not cut. If you have no one to talk to, get a tape recorder and talk into it. The pain will be released, and you might not need to cut to feel relief. You can also release your feelings by writing poetry or raps, painting, or other art forms.

Entertain your mind! You can do a lot of things to occupy your mind besides expelling creative energy. You don't have to dwell on your problems. You can watch TV, rent a movie, or read a book.

Recognize that cutting is just the symptom of a root problem. Follow the above steps to stop yourself from cutting, but also seek help from a doctor, parent, or counselor to address the deeper problems that make you want to cut in the first place.

I too am diagnosed bipolar and when I was a teenager I cut myself. It's a horrible habit and you're right, telling you to stop will not help. It's something you'll have to quit on your own. If you tell a teacher, they, by law have to go to the authorities. Sometimes, that is a good thing because you won't have to deal with your parents on your own.

If you are not ready for that, then there are a few things that can be of some help to some cutters.

1. Instead of cutting, get a red marker and draw "cuts" on yourself. Sometimes just seeing the red on you is enough.

2. Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it tightly until it hurts whenever you want to cut.

Good luck. I hope everything works out for you. If you ever want to talk about it, or anything, please email me. I know what you are going through and I know how helpful it is to have someone to talk to that doesn't directly "know" you.

krissikendall@yahoo.com

You should go see a therapist, this is obviously an unhealthy behavior. It is actually very common. I used to do it when I was 13 too. I'm almost 30 now, and back then they would lock you up in an institution for that. Nowadays, they dont do that much anymore. They will probably put you on medication & have you see a therapist.

Maybe you should just tell your parents. If you tell a teacher or school counselor, they are required by law to tell your parents and that can cause more problems, because then the school is involved. Ugh.

Telling your friends wont help either, they are not qualified to help you with this, and it might scare them. So my advice is to tell your parents, even though you are scared, they will need to arrrange for you to get counseling. Good luck, you will get through it.

Hello..
Ok socialising with friends and going out, listening to music, engaging urself could help u a lot..
See i understand what the problem is .. maybe u feel better when u cut urself, u feel a sense of relief when u do it. thats becoz u are lonely, becoz people dont do it..
my friens have had this problem , but when she looks bak now its really embarasing, when she goes to the doctor, he asks her what happened, shows it to whoever comes with her, they start considering u a little psycho with those ugly scars
indulge urself in things u like to do, maybe go out, do window shopping, reading books, prayers...

My dear, where there is a will there is a way!!
u can get rid of this habit.
U wouldnt want people pointing at ur parents, saying they didnt HAVE parenting skills..
Being around with good friends should help u...

Have a great day

If you are 13, I assume that you're in High School. Life in h.s. is tough, and I understand not being able to talk to your parents (although it would be good if you could. They might surprise you and bring you all closer). But to start, go to an anonymous peer group. It might be easier to talk to people your own age, who you would feel might "get you". Does your school have a teen counsel line that you could call? That would be a good start, and would hopefully lead to the help that you need.

Good luck and know that there is an answer to why you do it and how to stop.

Is there a school counselor you could talk to? A minister, or the mother of a friend? It really does help to talk to someone.
Cutting is a way of expressing your pain - it's taking emotional pain and making it physical. It can feel like a temporary relief, but it doesn't work in the long run. What you need to do is explore your sadness, pay attention to those feelings, take them seriously. My guess is that you are feeling painfully lonely and have no way to say that, and no one to talk to. If you have a mark on your arm, someone may notice and try to help - it makes the pain visible. So, if you can find a person who will listen, talk. Talk about your life, your dreams, your feelings, anything. Let it out, and you'll find you will lose the desire to cut.
If you can't find anyone, or until you do find someone, write your feelings out. Use a journal, or just grab some paper and shred it when you're done. Doesn't matter. Just find ways to express how you feel and get those emotions identified and out in the open.

Stop cutting yourself. Your gonna have tons of scars. I know. I'm a cutter.

Maybe you can get a punching bag or replace the cutting with something else. You said the cutting is an outlet for pain...explore the reasons or causes of this pain. Congratulations for coming to Yahoo Questions to voice your concern...this is a start...but a professional counselor would really be able to help you to sort things out and figure out some alternatives to the cutting.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

If I were you I would go to the person I trusted most and tell them your situation, I had a friend that cut and really you would not believe how understand people can be. You have to work through it find some one who can help you with better coping strategies a good friend teacher or parent. I think at some point your parents will need to know hopefully sooner than later, they may not respond well but they are your parents and they will love you.

Would you be willing to try writing your parents a letter saying exactly what you have said here and leave it for them to find while you are at school or something? That would be the best way to get your feelings out without the negative reaction from your parents. They will have time to think about how to help you. I really hope you can stop and get help. God loves you very much and i know he is with you, you need to believe that too.

Cutting yourself will not solve any of your problems. I have bipolar disease as well and it is difficult for people with this disease to be happy.

If you want help...
you should not be shy like and talk to someone who you trust and get help

If you do not want to talk about it to a person and want to stop...
you should do something relaxing to keep your mind occupied from cutting yourself. ( For example: Writing your feelings down on paper and make sure no one find it)

when you want to cut your self put ice on your arms it works for alot of people.





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