Grieving a part of my life??!
Question: ok let me start at the beginning . . .
When i was 14 i was diagnosed with depression (although they believe i had it long before then) anyway because of this i lost all my self esteem and never did anything.
i am now 19 and am just starting to get my self esteem back, however im having problems with feeling like i missed out on life. I mean i didnt do the 'normal teen stuff' i dont have many good friends, i have been in a reletionship since i was 15 and i missed a lot of school - i cant help feeling like i lost a huge part of my life, and an important one too. people say that i shuld grieve that part of my life and let go but how do i do that?? I just wish i could go back and do it all.
Anyone got any advice????
Answers: ok let me start at the beginning . . .
When i was 14 i was diagnosed with depression (although they believe i had it long before then) anyway because of this i lost all my self esteem and never did anything.
i am now 19 and am just starting to get my self esteem back, however im having problems with feeling like i missed out on life. I mean i didnt do the 'normal teen stuff' i dont have many good friends, i have been in a reletionship since i was 15 and i missed a lot of school - i cant help feeling like i lost a huge part of my life, and an important one too. people say that i shuld grieve that part of my life and let go but how do i do that?? I just wish i could go back and do it all.
Anyone got any advice????
I've had depression too, so I understand what you're saying. What I've found that works for me is to stop focusing on the past because you miss the present! Concentrate on improving your life right now, so you don't feel the same way 10 more years from now. Work on your 'today' so that you can look back and say, "wow, I've come a long way, and I've had a good time."
Remember, you can't change the past, so why dwell on it? Grieve, yes, but then move on....for your own good!
The more you focus on things missed in the past the more you loose the time you have now and time you have coming. If you live in the past then how can you find joy in the present and future and will it not add to the missed amount of time you feel you already lost. I suggest enrolling in a fun class that would interest you like dance, cooking, drama, etc. That will not only build your self-esteem but help you meet new people and build new friendship. You are still young and believe me you have allot of great time ahead, so stop focusing on what you didn't have and start finding ways to enjoy the time you now have.
life is like that my dear. stop thinking about the past change ur mind set. its not too late. go for a walk, do some exercises. do deep breathing exercises this all helps alot.
concentrate on ur present what can u do at present so that u can feel self satisfied after few years down the lane.take control of ur life in ur hands.its never too late for anything.
I too had lost my teen years due to depression and anxiety, but what I found is that because I had those problems, the descisions I did make were very stupid ones.
Don't grieve the loss of those years because you didn't lose them, you still lived. Maybe it actually saved you from making some really bad mistakes. Teen years are often reffered to as the years of "temporary insanity"! They are not the best years of our lives and can actually be very painful.
Maybe you can look at it differently and see that you might have saved yourself from a lot of problems and pain by bieng introverted. You may have saved future regret.
Don't mourn the past because that is exactly what it is-the past. Those years are gone and thankfully, now you have your future to look forward to. If you live in mourning of the past, you will lose this part of your life too. Your future is full of mystery and freedom. Try and see that as your times to look forward to instead of regretting a loss of years that are very difficult to live through. The growing hormones, crazy ideas and descisions and silly arguments with friends and fam. are behind you. Now you are grown and can make real connections with true friends and build healthy relationships for yourself. Things will be better for you if you don't live in the past. Best of luck :)
This is a long answer so please be patient with me.
I have battled depression since I was 10 years old but was not diagnosed until decades later. I had a lot of regrets about the things I didn't do as a child. I didn't have 'best friends'. I didn't have 'boy friends' or go on dates, etc... And, when I did open up and trust people, it just seemed as if they took advantage of me and I would just end up being hurt and so I just ended up isolating myself even more. By the time I was 19 everyday of my life seemed like an exercise in futility.
As I have got older however, and had the benefit of hindsight, I realized that at 19 most of my life was ahead of me--not behind me. I realized that some of the experiences that I thought I was missing out on actually protected me from worst mistakes. And, it turned out that these things I were missing out on were clues that helped me to discover who I really and truly, genuinely was.
I discovered that all persons have four talent and strengths: the qualities of love, justice, wisdom, and courage. But, only a few special people have been able to fully develop these enough to do anything worthwhile with their life.
You may not know it now, but the things you have gone through--and survived--are proof of your courage. I have learned that many people go through life being afraid b/c they just do not think they have the courage to fail--so they never try and they live unhappy lives. But, the fact that you have learned how to survive failure at 19 you are way ahead of 80-90% of people you will meet in your lifetime. You don't have to fear failure; you can risk being who you genuinely are b/c you have already experienced the worst that could happen: failure. And, you survived it.
So, you don't have to wonder if you have courage; you have proof from the things you have gone through--and survived--since you were 14 and younger. Now that you know you have courage, you need not regret anything in your past; these were your teachers. You need now to move on to build up your other core strengths: love, wisdom, and justice. You have proven you have the courage to do this. Wisdom can be defined as simply putting knowledge into action. So I would encourage you to start on this part of your journey.
Put what you already know about your ability to survive difficulties into action. This will help you to use the courage you now know you have to love yourself and to be fair with yourself. Remember this: do you know more now than when you were 5 years old? So, are you wiser now than then? If so, do you think you will know more when you are 25 years old than you do now? Do you think you'll be wiser then? If you agree that you will be, then you know two things for sure about yourself don't you? You know that your future holds two guarantees for you: you will be wiser and you will have your courage intact. No one can take these away from you. And, many would envy you to know this at 19 years old. This insight is a gift.
If you take this gift your experiences have given you, and if you realize that you have already learned all you need from the past to take you into the future, then you will see that the only loving and just thing to do is to look to the future so you can discover what wonderful things you were put on this earth to do that no one else can do. If anyone else could do what you were put on this earth to do, then they would have been the ones who would have had the experiences you have had because they would need the courage you have been given the chance to develop. But, since you were given this gift, since you got the gift of early courage-building experiences, you must be the one who has something great to accomplish for this world. I hope you do not let your courage and wisdom go to waste. This is how you would prove that you have the other two qualities of love and justice. Afterall, it wouldn't be loving or fair for you to deprive us all of your courage and wisdom would it?
I look forward to the great things you are destined to achieve...I know you won't disappoint...
Imagine that you had a verbally abusive mother. All of the other girls had "cool" moms, who took them shopping, and listened to their problems...But, you didn't. You grow up, and you realize, "Hey, why didn't I have a mom that did all of those things?" Psychotherapists like to tell people, that to get over these negative thoughts, you have to mourn the loss of your mother, in essence the part of the mother you never had. Once you give yourself permission to not be hurt, angry, upset about the loss, which may take months or years, you will have mourned that relationship. Then, you are at the point where you can say, "Hey, my mom wasn't there a lot, but that's o.k. I turned out just fine...or I am the way I am because of my past." Think about it. I hope the example helped. "Mourning" may not magically happen. You have to talk through it with a friend, a journal, a therapist...but, once your mind fully understands that you did not have a "normal" childhood, and wow, this is true, only then can you mourn.
Please, tho, don't let the memories drag you down. Stand up high, and make your life the way you want it to be. You are the boss of you. Life is hard but life is worth living.
Windy
Depression is indeed a life robber--perhaps the greatest thief you will encounter in your lifetime.
What I was told by a very wise adviser a long time ago, is go ahead and feel bad, grieve as necessary. BUT, don't let any today go by without creating a memory, a moment that makes you smile. I was raising three babies at the time, and to begin with it seemed like a job--not the gift that it really was. His gentle words had more impact than all the vitamins and drugs I had taken to fix me.
The bottom line is that when my son began showing signs of depression, I made sure that he saw a well-chosen therapist. He saw him regularly for almost a year, and came out of his depression to graduate and move on with his life. It still does my heart good when I hear him laugh and see him smile.
Give yourself a break from the past for a bit, you can always go back to grieve if that's what you choose to do. I suspect that you will find that the joys of our todays are far more inviting than that black hole of the past.
Just stop dwelling on reviving the dead past and concentrate on making today memorable for tomorrow...
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