Desperately need help. Chronic Depression. Are there answers?!
Question: I spent my life taking care of others. My words so often help others as they gobble them up and go on their way, only to return when they need more guidance. Now I find myself disgusted with every human being. I am disbelieving of the selfishness of seemingly every person, the lack of giving, the perpetual taking. The coldness and childishness.
I am not a bad person. I am a persistent giver, but giving does not work for me anymore. I am highly educated. But I can take no more of people. And American society becomes crueler by the day.
Having often spoken to counselors, it comes clear that I have been chronically depressed for 23 years. I am Christian, and I love my Christianity, but still I am very unhappy and permanently depressed. The depression over the years time and time again ruins my home life.
Seeking kindness anywhere. Find cruelty and selfishness everywhere. After 23 years, what could be expected? I will not need coldness, I doubt anyone can help me, but still I try.
Answers: I spent my life taking care of others. My words so often help others as they gobble them up and go on their way, only to return when they need more guidance. Now I find myself disgusted with every human being. I am disbelieving of the selfishness of seemingly every person, the lack of giving, the perpetual taking. The coldness and childishness.
I am not a bad person. I am a persistent giver, but giving does not work for me anymore. I am highly educated. But I can take no more of people. And American society becomes crueler by the day.
Having often spoken to counselors, it comes clear that I have been chronically depressed for 23 years. I am Christian, and I love my Christianity, but still I am very unhappy and permanently depressed. The depression over the years time and time again ruins my home life.
Seeking kindness anywhere. Find cruelty and selfishness everywhere. After 23 years, what could be expected? I will not need coldness, I doubt anyone can help me, but still I try.
I found that when I followed the path os simply "being in the moment" in the present now all the time, that is what finally lifted depression for me. It wasn't until I stopped moving into the future or the past that my suffering stopped. Only the now holds the true peace and happiness that you are seeking, and the good thing is that it doesn't matter what religion you are, or what your beliefs are, being here in the moment works for everyone!
Here's some videos if you want to be inspired to be in the now moment, Christine Breese talks a lot about the now at http://umsonline.org/SpiritualVideoSatsa... and one vid you might find useful in particular is http://www.umsonline.org/SpiritualVideoS... If you want to read some articles on emotional well-being, http://www.ucmeta.org/Pages/Articles/Emo...
You have spent your life caring for others? Have you ever heard of "caregivers apathy"? It's something that happens to people in certain fields of caregiving that make them stop caring. They lose touch in why they do what they do and wind up seriously depressed. I think it's high time you take care of you for a while. Try this. Draw a circle and put your name in it. Draw a bigger circle and put the name of wife and kids (if you have them) or roommate or who ever you live with. You can add levels to this if you need to . It's a visual aid to remind you that you are the center of your own universe and if you lose yourself, you will be no good to anyone else anyway. You come first, then the rest, in order as they appear on your visual aid. That's not meant to be a strict rule either, just a guideline. Push the rest of the world away for now and work on your health. See if, once you have your depression under control, you don't feel a little better about helping others, if you still feel so inclined. I come from direct experience, see my profile.
Often times we look to others for inspiration only to be disappointed. Try not to be discouraged. There are actually good people out there. Maybe finding them or them finding you just hasn't happened as often as you would like. Unfortunately you're right, we live in a cruel world and people can seem quite cold. But people can transcend all barriers also, even race and prejudice and be genuinely good people. I speak from experience. I am truly blessed to have a few good friends that make life all the more worth living. I thought of myself as an outcast and not worth the trouble but my friends have given me a new look on life and a reason for living. At 49 years old I feel that life is worth living and a true blessing. I pray everyday or at least I try to and I am thankful for my relationship with God. I still enjoy helping others in the hopes of sharing with at least one person the joy of life. It may seem impossible but try not to be depressed.