Girls, what is the right balance ? Did i do the right thing?!
Question: There's a girl I like who I am trying to slowly start a relationship with. She likes me at some level I'm fairly sure.She's very young and has already dealt with abuse, molestation, body image issues etc. and a while ago she threatened to go bulimic. I told her it was psychological, and that she is very attractive. We started talking about the past and I told her these things were the real reason she worried so much about her weight- I expressed sympathy but at some parts of the conversation I took an almost but not quite scolding tone ("Don't do it!"). Usually I am calm around her but at one point in that conversation I got choked up and had tears in my eyes and said "I don't want you to hurt yourself". She promised not to and basically I'm asking- did I do the right thing? Is there anything I should change if the issue comes up at another time? I hope I had the right balance and showed that I cared without being a wuss or being too pushy either.
Answers: There's a girl I like who I am trying to slowly start a relationship with. She likes me at some level I'm fairly sure.She's very young and has already dealt with abuse, molestation, body image issues etc. and a while ago she threatened to go bulimic. I told her it was psychological, and that she is very attractive. We started talking about the past and I told her these things were the real reason she worried so much about her weight- I expressed sympathy but at some parts of the conversation I took an almost but not quite scolding tone ("Don't do it!"). Usually I am calm around her but at one point in that conversation I got choked up and had tears in my eyes and said "I don't want you to hurt yourself". She promised not to and basically I'm asking- did I do the right thing? Is there anything I should change if the issue comes up at another time? I hope I had the right balance and showed that I cared without being a wuss or being too pushy either.
Sounds like she needs a little outside help from a therapist. See if you can talk to her about it. You did fine though you sound so caring and sweet. Keep up the love and care for her and see how she goes sometimes love is all you need.
u did exactly wut u should have, u expressed yourself genuinely. just behave normally next time u see her like u always do and things should go fine. :)
A girl who's gone through so much needs psychological therapy, and you playing the part of a psychologist is a double-edged sword. You may end up helping her or you may end up ruining her life. My advice to you: seek more advice before proceeding.
You did good, Dennis. She will know in the long run that you truly care for her health and wellbeing and when all is said and done, that is better than flowers or gifts.Good luck to you--MissDelanne
Ok, you can help her by being a good friend and showing her better ways of dealing with things than she has learned so far. But I guess that you are not a trained therapist and if you try to be one you might both end up in a messy tangle. She needs to do things for her own sake and she needs to learn to be responsible for herself. Be careful not to encourage her to depend on you for emotional things that she needs to develop for herself. It is good that you were able to be honest about your feelings and showed that you cared about her; but it won't help her to think she is doing it for your sake. You sound like a parent instead of an equal who respects her autonomy. She can't do things for your sake, only for her own. Encourage her to accept professional help, be accepting, but help her to develop self-reliance rather than dependency.