Being gregarious is not easy when you are shy?!
Question: i'm the type of man that waits for someone to talk to me rather than me making the effort to reach out.
reaching out via the internet is alot easier than doing it outside my comfort zone.
i think if i were a naturally gregarious man, loneliness would unlikely to be something i am familiar with.
when i was young, i would visit friends but i was always painfully shy and prone to panic attacks.
so i would drink a few beers before meeting people to calm my nerves.
thank god i have broken that habit,because i could have become dependant on alcohol.
i still get nervous when meeting people but i dont drink for courage.
being inclined to panic and shyness has made me prone to loneliness and depression.
but since my nerves are so bad, i avoid socializing which in turn makes me more lonely and sad.
it's a vicious circle.
relationships rarely last because the panic takes over, but yet i cant help wanting someone to love and be loved.
am i wasting my time?
Answers: i'm the type of man that waits for someone to talk to me rather than me making the effort to reach out.
reaching out via the internet is alot easier than doing it outside my comfort zone.
i think if i were a naturally gregarious man, loneliness would unlikely to be something i am familiar with.
when i was young, i would visit friends but i was always painfully shy and prone to panic attacks.
so i would drink a few beers before meeting people to calm my nerves.
thank god i have broken that habit,because i could have become dependant on alcohol.
i still get nervous when meeting people but i dont drink for courage.
being inclined to panic and shyness has made me prone to loneliness and depression.
but since my nerves are so bad, i avoid socializing which in turn makes me more lonely and sad.
it's a vicious circle.
relationships rarely last because the panic takes over, but yet i cant help wanting someone to love and be loved.
am i wasting my time?
Your not wasting your time. I know how you feel. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I don't have a problem being around or meeting new people, I just panic anywhere for no reason. This can cause a lot of drama for me, the one who suffers. Could you try talking to a doctor/psychiatrist for medication maybe? I am taking anxiety pills and they do work. It's scary at first because I don't like even taking pills, but I realized that I have got to get over this fear and take control of my life again. Best of luck to you hon.. and Happy Holidays!
EDIT: Not to worry and your very welcome. Just so you know, your not alone. Those of us that suffer with anxiety can relate to you and how you feel. Please don't give up! Take care. E-mail me anytime you would like a friend to talk to.
No your're not, but you do have to open up a little. I'm shy and in my job that's bad as I am forced to deal with new people almost daily.
So I use humour to open things up and this breaks the ice and once people are smiling you can talk to them easier. I had to force myself to talk to people and then I joined an organization that had public speaking in it and this really was not good, but I kept at it and it worked out as instead of talking to the crowd, I talked to basically one person. It worked fairly well.
Get those nerves up and say hello and smile, this is the start and from there you can use a humourous line to keep going or see what they say and respond appropriately. Once started you can either leave the conversation or continue.
I'm ok as I have something to talk to them about (at work I do) and so from there things go. To make the others talk I ask about their work and what they do etc (people like to talk about themselves and what they do).
It really isn't all that hard once you get the basic openers going. I had to force myself due to the job, but I still have a little hold back now and again.
PANIC ATTACKS: Have you seen the techniques for control of panic attacks, in section 8, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris yet? Begin by holding your breath for 5, or 10 seconds: this will give you the confidence to realise that YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR BREATHING, but not pass out, or die (your autonomic nervous system resumes breathing, if unconscious). Understand panic attacks, and what triggers them, in your life (if it is unresolved anxiety, see section 6). The paper bag method works for most people: have you tried it? If you are fairly suggestible, the following are reliable, and reasonably priced:
4 results for panic attacks
Stop Panic Attacks
Stop Panic Attacks Hypnosis Download
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Stop Panic Attacks Script
Stop Panic Attacks Hypnosis Script
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Panic Prevention Program CD
Panic Prevention Program CD
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Panic Prevention Program Tape
Panic Prevention Program Tape
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Your last alternative is psychotherapy, to address its fundamental cause: read section 1, and examine the 1-800-therapist website, and use the locators, and phone book. I used to suffer from panic attacks, until I questioned what had changed recently in my life, to trigger them? I suggest that you learn, then practise the controlled breathing technique, until competent, then employ it, at the very first sign of a panic attack. Shyness is addressed in section 9. Consider volunteering, as shown in section 47: it will end your loneliness, and you will meet good, positive people, which will help you later, in forming social relationships.