How can i stop thinking of past abuse while making love.?!
Question: Its odd that. I was subjected to an assault which invovled some oral. I still love giving it to people whom I choose to give it to. I suppose its about separating the events. The person who assaulted me was not well, I could have been anyone and it was merely the wrong place and time. Are you abused in the sense of childhood rape? If that is the case, then you have to remember that this person who did this to you was ill, very, very ill. You were only a little person who had no control. None of this was your fault. You are now and adult and choosing to love someone. The two events are entirely different. Your sexual love is given volunarily to your partner. In other situations you and I had no choice. This is not the same thing. Even if you experienced sexual pleasure (which often happens and makes the victims feel awful), its still not the same! Can I suggest that you fantasise before hand about things that really do it for you, bring those joyous feelings into your proper love making. Your difficulty sounds as if it comes from the fact that you feel you might have been aware of sexual feelings even during the abuse. Of course....these are physical and like blinking, are merely instinctive. the love you give to someone who you genuinely care about, its more cerebral than physical. Its a meeting of bodies and minds. It takes it to a new level. Stop punishing yourself for what could never be your fault. That is the sin of another..
Answers: Its odd that. I was subjected to an assault which invovled some oral. I still love giving it to people whom I choose to give it to. I suppose its about separating the events. The person who assaulted me was not well, I could have been anyone and it was merely the wrong place and time. Are you abused in the sense of childhood rape? If that is the case, then you have to remember that this person who did this to you was ill, very, very ill. You were only a little person who had no control. None of this was your fault. You are now and adult and choosing to love someone. The two events are entirely different. Your sexual love is given volunarily to your partner. In other situations you and I had no choice. This is not the same thing. Even if you experienced sexual pleasure (which often happens and makes the victims feel awful), its still not the same! Can I suggest that you fantasise before hand about things that really do it for you, bring those joyous feelings into your proper love making. Your difficulty sounds as if it comes from the fact that you feel you might have been aware of sexual feelings even during the abuse. Of course....these are physical and like blinking, are merely instinctive. the love you give to someone who you genuinely care about, its more cerebral than physical. Its a meeting of bodies and minds. It takes it to a new level. Stop punishing yourself for what could never be your fault. That is the sin of another..
visit a psychiatrist?
See sexual abuse: minors (if appropriate) in section 20, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris You may be experiencing PTSD, so see section 33; some options are: EMDR therapy, or consult a hypnotherapist, if you are fairly suggestible. www.drdrew.com has a section on abuse.
I think you need to go a little farther in your recovery. Find yourself a good therapist and see what she has to say. Keep looking until you find a good therapist for you. This is a tough one, (I know). I try to just concentrate on being in the here and now.
peace
see a phycologist they are trained in helping u over comme this they helpped me a lot.