How do you get over a long, traumatic, heart-shattering, slightly abusive relati!
Question: ...i have tried my best, but i don't think i can be the same person anymore...i'm afraid i'm this is gonna be a permanent head/heart damage.
Answers: ...i have tried my best, but i don't think i can be the same person anymore...i'm afraid i'm this is gonna be a permanent head/heart damage.
move away if you can, throw away all the momentos, cards, letters, pictures, etc.. that remind yourself of the relationship. start fresh and buy yourself new clothes, lose some weight if you have to, begin a new job. do anything new, get out and meet new people.
time, therapy & prayer.
Time. You will get over it... if you really want to.. The thing not to do is dwell on it & get lost in the past or you won't ever recover! Live & learn, but there will always be a scar, we all have them! And when you do finally start to find yourself again make sure to study the next potential boyfriend before you fall in! And don't fall for the same type again. Life can definitely be better than that!
time
start dating others.
Slightly abusive is not unlike slightly pregnant. If this guy was abusing you, thank your lucky stars that he is no longer with you. Please remember, no one ever deserves to be abused in a relationship. Find someone who will treat you the way a human should be treated and forget about the goof that more likely than not would have been upping the ol abuse ante.
I think once a person suffers through and survives a long, traumatic, heart-shattering, slightly abusive relationship...they are never the same. At the point where we allow ourselves to break free...something dies at the same time something lives. It's a double edged sword in a sense. The only thing we must work on is not allowing the experience to totally consume us and our hearts and minds. By allowing ourselves to forgive but never forget will help us in future relationships or keep us warm in lack of future relationships. Don't cry for what was lost....smile for and nurture what continues to live.
You may not ever get over it, but you will heal enough to start over.
<3
It takes about half the length of the relationship to get over it once you've accepted that it's finally over. If it was traumatic, then it could take longer. First, you shouldn't try to rush yourself or feel guilty if you're still affected. You need to experience those feelings fully in order to move on completely, so let yourself cry and cry or sleep all day and be depressed. This is necessary in order for you to get over it. Many people don't want to feel that way so they try to move on too soon and it ends up smacking them in the face months or even years later!
As for not "being able to be the same person anymore", well, that could be a GOOD thing. You don't want to be someone who is in an abusive relationship, right? Being in a relationship really does effect our identities. Now that it's over, you will have to remember what you used to love doing or find new things that don't remind you of the relationship. Take a class, join a gym or spend more time with your family or friends. You will eventually find your true self in there somewhere.
Lastly, go to counseling. This will help you immensely. Most of the time, our self esteem can be shot from a failed relationship - especially if it was an abusive one. Going to counseling will force you to spend time focusing on YOU and no one else. You NEED this time and I think you would strongly benefit from it.
Take care of yourself...baby yourself and don't be hard on yourself. You will heal in time.
I know counseling helps. Having someone there to understand you is great, also I am going through the same thing right now, if you ever wanna talk you can just email me!!
oxambernic0le@yahoo.com
hope you feel better :(
ah yes... the long, traumatic, heart-shattering, slightly abusive relationship ending. we all know it well because sooner or later we all suffer it. maybe therein lies the peace... that no matter who you are...where you are from... what rock you live under... your heart must be broken at least once... and you will join the rest of us waiting with open arms. no . you will not be the same person. hopefully you will be a wiser one...but don't count on it. most of us just look for a replacement with the same issues. we are programmed to do that so don't feel bad... sooner or later you are bound to find an exact duplicate who if you are lucky will be just slightly better looking. good luck! and happy holidays! and ps.. if you even think you are going to have children try to find a half way decent partner who will at least be a good parent.
You are not permanently damaged; just disenchanted. Welcome to the larger world. My advice is to take a one-year vacation from dating, during which time you can take up an absorbing hobby such as learning a musical instrument. While you're doing this, take a good look at all the people in relationships around you and seriously try to evaluate whether they have good or poor relationships. Learn from this experience, and you will see that it is much easier for you to spot a bad relationship and end it quickly if necessary - and likewise, it will be much easier to spot a good thing and keep it going... Good luck!
Move on. Get yourself out there again would be the easiest way, even though it might seem difficult. Finding someone new to love and trust will get you away from the bad memories. I am in a similar situation; i have less than no trust for men right now, all i can do is give them the benefit of the doubt and move on from what caused it.
Try meeting new people, or do in/out door activities with sibblings or freinds. Trick your mind by doing something fun where you dont have to remember your ex... stay away from romance/ drama movies-even love songs. If none of these work your gonna have let time heal your wounds and eventually you will meet your one and only!
GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS......
i have the same dilimma. no, it was no cake walk this relationship in question,for me. the craziest thing is that though i suffered at the hands of this person in all manner of pain and degradation.i miss him. see, when it was all good between us,i pittied the world for not being me. i never had to explain myself. in alot of ways mentally we were locked into each other. we got a long like literal best friends. i never had any real girlfriends and my family have no dealings with me. i never had a friend like him.we could be together for hours at a time and never share our space with anyone. but it was these very inabilities of mine to be unable to relate to others that made me vulnerable to a man who was abusive and by all counts a sexual sadist. i stayed as long as i did because i had nowhere else to go emotionaly and mentaly. 4/2006 was when i last physicaly seen him. LORD'S will 2008 will be here and i am not over him.i want to be so bad. but how when i have no friends and i cant seem to get past him to have someone else seriously.he told me he was the only friend i was ever going to have and when he's gone id be miserable. he said this even when he raped me repeatedly and tore on my *** thus adding insult to injury.like yourself im not the person i was before i met him summer 2003.even so i miss him profoundly. im confused because after all hes done i dont hate him and ive tried.are you willing to tell me how i can shake this because ive tried and i just cant seem to stop my loss of this dead issue. he hurt me in ways no woman should have to experience and yet tears flow as hot with pain now as they did then. (lol) sorry i was no help to you at all. but thanx for letting me see im not the only one with such questions.