My counselor told me about his sex life...?!
Question: When I was younger I went through a lot of traumatic experiences. I was raped, molested, abused and treated really badly by people I knew.
My school sent me to a counselor. Basically I wasn't given a choice in it. It was a government run counseling program for high school students.
Well I went there and my counselor didn't help at all. He made me so much worse. We didn't really talk about what I'd been going through. Our conversations were mainly about his sex life and the affairs he'd been having. He described his penis to me and told me about past relationships. He tried to convince me to come along to his church.
He never touched me or showed me anything. I know I should have said something at the time, but I was so depressed I didn't even care about my life.
Was what he did wrong? Could I make a complaint? It happened 3 years ago.
Answers: When I was younger I went through a lot of traumatic experiences. I was raped, molested, abused and treated really badly by people I knew.
My school sent me to a counselor. Basically I wasn't given a choice in it. It was a government run counseling program for high school students.
Well I went there and my counselor didn't help at all. He made me so much worse. We didn't really talk about what I'd been going through. Our conversations were mainly about his sex life and the affairs he'd been having. He described his penis to me and told me about past relationships. He tried to convince me to come along to his church.
He never touched me or showed me anything. I know I should have said something at the time, but I was so depressed I didn't even care about my life.
Was what he did wrong? Could I make a complaint? It happened 3 years ago.
Oh sweetie... I am so sorry you went through all that! : (
I have to take exception to a couple of things some people have said in their answers. First of all, it IS NOT EVER an appropriate method of 'counseling' to say such things, or at least not in this kind of therapy. He may be trained, but if that's the case, he's sure not following his training... So using his credentials as an excuse is not gonna fly.
Secondly, whether he exposed himself or not, he DID do something wrong -- many things, from the sound of it! It doesn't have to reach the point of physical exposure or touching to become abusive. This was definitely abuse. And he invited you to church?? Even THAT was crossing lines of professional ethics! Jeesh. What a lousy counselor. You poor thing.
It kills me that a young girl was sent to someone needing help, and instead received further trauma! I can only imagine how I would've felt in your place, and I haven't even been through all you've experienced!
Please please PLEASE file a complaint! If this guy is allowed to continue 'counseling' students, he will likely inflict similar abuse on others, and may very well take his inappropriate behavior even further with someone else, after having grown more confident that he won't get caught. Sexual predators aren't typically satisfied just talking about stuff (and even if he did only continue his perverted/inappropriate talk, you know firsthand what an awful experience that can be for someone who has already been traumatized and is especially vulnerable!). Please take action to make sure no one else has to go through that... Particularly someone who is already in a precarious state as it is.
Ugh, the man is a creep! It makes me angry just thinking about it. He had to know better. There is no excuse for that kind of behavior in a professional setting like that. His own problems have no place in YOUR therapy, let alone the stuff about his sex life and penis!
I hope you act on this. And I wish you all the luck in the world!!! xoxo
[edit:] okay, a few more responses were added while I was typing mine, and I have to take issue with some of them, too: NO, it is not wrong for you to report him! I disagree completely with the idea that you should let this go simply so someone can keep their job -- which he shouldn't have in the first place, and which puts him in a position to potentially hurt many people! What he did is his own fault; you aren't responsible for the consequences. He is. If he loses his job (which he may, or may not), tough! His own doing. He needs to be fired so someone competent can take his place and actually HELP people!
Further, you are perfectly within a reasonable time frame to report such a thing. I don't know of anyone that would assume someone's memory unreliable after a period of just three years. Plus, there's a chance he already has hurt other students, and by coming forward, you might be able to add strength to someone else's story.
I'm sure some people who read this will think I'm overreacting, but as someone with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, I know that an experience like this can hurt a lot more than they may realize. : P Again, good luck! I'm rooting for ya. <3
Yes it was wrong! Why did you wait this long? You like really should have told the teacher, your parents or somebody about the counseller.
Yes it was wrong. If he is still working there and you don't want him to so the same to someone else, then you should complain.
seems pretty weird to me. I'd stay away. You might want to say something to somone in authority if he is still doing the same job. He might endanger someone else.
You said he didn't do anything wrong. maybe he was just sharing his experiences to try to help you. If even asked if you wanted to go to church. Until he exposes himself, he hasn't done anything wrong. And he didn't touch you so.....
He used his position of power over you and abused you. Sexual abuse is not always physical it can also be emotional. The man is a creep and should be in jail!!!
Hope you are doing OK now. Sadly those of us that are the most vulnerable are the ones that continue to get taken advantage of.
Well I just don't think we should get into the Counselor Job because only Counsellors know what they studies and what they have to do but I would still have reported him :P
I am sorry you have had a rough time in life. I hope you have recovered and living a happy life now.
The counselor spoke inappropriately, to say the least. I can understand that you did say anything at the time. You were traumatized already, you could let yourself experience it again.
But, now you can do something. Report this person. Three years is not out of the statute of limitation - in fact, I don't believe there is a limitation demarcation anymore.
He deserves to face the consequences from his damaging verbal and psychological abuse. He should be prevented from continuing to do this to other, vulnerable adolescents.
Feel good and be tough.
Your story seems to suggest that he's a crappy, incompetent counselor, but not one that had any malicious motives. It sounds like he lost track of his intended role and got into "humanizing" himself for you, that is, he ended up putting YOU into the counselor's role.
It's unfortunate, but most educational system employees fall into the incompetent-but-well-meaning category.
It's hard to say what you should do. On the one hand, the way you have phrased this question actually sounds pretty well-balanced and free from hysteria, and therefore your complaints will probably be taken seriously. The time gap helps as well. It's not much of a stretch to think that if he is indeed this incompetent, he may end up costing a student his/her life if the case was more critical and fragile.
On the other hand, it's kind of a bad thing to go out of one's way to cost somebody their job, and you may end up generating a lot of animosity. Sometimes otherwise peaceful people turn irrationally violent when hate (as might happen when one has his/his family's meal ticket taken away) is involved.
nuw days all type of people started dese kind of nonsense bcoz they are not satisfied wid der wife wen dey get innocent people they want to make use of it i think they wont live there own children also
3 years??? You should have acted a long time ago. your memories are now changing and you really can't say for sure what really happened, no matter how real it may seem.
From what you say, it is truly suspect how that guy acted. Not letting you share your problems before telling his... then trying to get you to go on a seemingly innocent date with him... yeah, this dude should have been reported. Not much to do now.
You should be concerned if a therapist
talks at length about his or her own current, unresolved problems. This is known as a "boundary violation," and it's especially worrisome, because it's often a prelude to a sexual advance. In fact, therapists who talk about their own unresolved problems are more likely to make sexual advances than those who actually touch their clients.
For help locating the appropriate organization or board, call the relevant national organization. For psychologists, call the American Psychological Association at (202) 336-5000; for psychiatrists, call the American Psychiatric Association at (202) 682-6000. If your therapist is a marriage and family counselor, try the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy at (202) 452-0109, and if your therapist is a social worker, try the National Association of Social Workers at (202) 408-8600.