How to cope with sexual abuse from the past?!
Question: I have having such a hard time sealing with my childhood that involves sexual abuse. I am 16 now and was abused my a girl and boy. I like men even though it takes me a long time to feel full feelings for a boy and I love that feeling. I noticed though that I often compare myself to other women and thinking that my experience when I was younger makes me gay. I dont want to be gay and never had fantasies about being with a woman. I think about sex with a man. I am really confused about my emotions. I am finally getting help and my therapist says that my emotions are normal, but I want them to stop because I love a boy and wont allow myself to be with him because my past is holding me back. Can someone help me?
Answers: I have having such a hard time sealing with my childhood that involves sexual abuse. I am 16 now and was abused my a girl and boy. I like men even though it takes me a long time to feel full feelings for a boy and I love that feeling. I noticed though that I often compare myself to other women and thinking that my experience when I was younger makes me gay. I dont want to be gay and never had fantasies about being with a woman. I think about sex with a man. I am really confused about my emotions. I am finally getting help and my therapist says that my emotions are normal, but I want them to stop because I love a boy and wont allow myself to be with him because my past is holding me back. Can someone help me?
Take more time and don't rush things. Since you are getting help while you are still young, you have a lot of opportunity for improvement and healing. Give yourself this time to heal. Try not to obsess over whether or not you are "gay" just b/c a female sexually abused you in the past. Sexual abuse has nothing to do with a person's sexual orientation. If you like males, then you like males and that's it. Getting too wrapped up in that can generate homophobia which will not only hinder you socially in a modern, diverse society, but will also create a bank (if you will) for all your pain and negative feelings to store up - this will only eat at you in the end.
If you love this boy you can be with him in ways that are not sexual. At some point, should your relationship continue and become serious - he needs to know about what happened to you and how it effects you today. That would help him in his position in your relationship.
You have to learn to get these traumatic thoughts out of your head. You have to put these tragic memories behind you and that can only be achieved through ATTITUDE. Say to yourself that what happened in the past doesn't have any power over me anymore. IT DOESN'T MATTER TO ME ANYMORE. You have to have this attitude or these thoughts will haunt you for the rest of your life. Only when you learn to detach will you be able to get rid of them. This applies to all traumatic events in your life, not just sexual abuse. I've used this technique and it works great.
Your therapist can help but you need surport. I was alsa sexsuley abused as a child.It took a long time to cope with it.If you need someone to talk to you can talk to me.Maybe i can help.
I would like to know how you deal with your situation please. I was sexually abused by my bf who I thought I loved for about 6 months. 6 months of him only touching me to be he well just there for sex. then when it was over he would roll over and go to bed, and never touch me agian, except to have sex another night. I was abused in so many ways by that jerk. At 6 months, it was over. after being hospitalized from things that were unexplainable... probably all stressed related and that I wasn not eating much, and that he was using me... that was 12 years ago... I have no interest in sex now. no desires, nothing. I do take psych meds that have the effect of decreasing ones sexual desires. but still... I am trying to work on it in therapy more, and try to work it out...
Doesn't really help you, but it sorta answers the question of how to cope..... I see a therapist... and I am getting involved in organizations like NAMI to help with the mental illness that it has caused, the post tramautic stress disorder...... And there is always other groups.... look in your phone book....
do what i did, slash your wrists and go to a&e coz i seen this really fit doctor called patrick there