How do I become everything I am not?!
Question: I hate myself because I am nothing I want to be. I am not human, I am flesh and problems. I have everything! Ear Infections, Drug Addictions, Depression, Autism, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Skin disorders, bone problems, lung problems, on and on. On top of that, I am an idiot! Everything I like, I suck at. I like Virology, but for the last 6 years, almost 7, I have been incapable of understanding the most basic aspects of biology, never mind Virology. I like Islam, but after about 2 sentences into any form of information on it, I can't read further because I already don't understand something. 10 years of research on geography/geology and I still can't write a basic essay on Volocanology. I am like a person who loves white, stuck in a dark black miserable room and my patience is running out quickly. If I have no solution soon, I will be dead within a few months. So How do I become everything I am not? I want to erase my existence and be a new. How?
Answers: I hate myself because I am nothing I want to be. I am not human, I am flesh and problems. I have everything! Ear Infections, Drug Addictions, Depression, Autism, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Skin disorders, bone problems, lung problems, on and on. On top of that, I am an idiot! Everything I like, I suck at. I like Virology, but for the last 6 years, almost 7, I have been incapable of understanding the most basic aspects of biology, never mind Virology. I like Islam, but after about 2 sentences into any form of information on it, I can't read further because I already don't understand something. 10 years of research on geography/geology and I still can't write a basic essay on Volocanology. I am like a person who loves white, stuck in a dark black miserable room and my patience is running out quickly. If I have no solution soon, I will be dead within a few months. So How do I become everything I am not? I want to erase my existence and be a new. How?
I try to do the same thing, don't know if it can help you, I think nothing has a guarentee in life, but I am going to write my own way, perhaps you would like to try.
(There was a time I wanted to dissappear so much that, I wanted to erase all my existence, no one would ever know I lived, and also there wouldn't be any proof of me living. Yeah, I know, impossible... and also I'm aware of that's different from yours, anyway...)
I've been trying to find out how I want to be. I am listing them. I try to focus on them, and try to control whole my actions, according to that ideal me. In your situation if one of your problems is being able to write an essay on volcanology or something else, after trying to do the best you can, ask for help from other people. Then try again. In the meantime, try to not to judge yourself too harshly...
I usually feel I am trapped in this body. It can't reach the speed of my brain (or soul, whatever you want to call, it doesn't matter) So, I came to the conclusion that it's impossible to be just like the ideal me, but I want to discover how far I can go. The desire to discover how close I will be is the only thing that keeps me out from giving up... So, I carry on, I think you should too. That's why I told you to not to judge yourself too harshly. ;)
And, actually I really don't believe that you're an idiot. That's one of the reasons which makes me think you can succeed in being a new you. :)
wow..... you have a lot of self angry, and very low self-esteem issues. I had the ear infections. see if you have allegeries, that might take care of that and maybe some of the other things.... like the skin problems and the lung problems????
Maybe you need to find either a tutor for biology who can help make the light bulb in your head click about the subject. Maybe you need to start looking into studying something else.... something that is more suitable for you, that maybe it isn't your passion like Virology, but something else.
Can you see a therapist and a psychiatrist????
well brother by one way or another we all try to become what we want , we try to sek perfection(or at least for me) as a human beings sometimes i have ups and downs in my spirit but i just strive to become better and get over any depression and obstacles in my life alhamdulilah i have a good will to go for what i want , somtimes i regret doing things so i try to fix it as much as i can or try to learn from my mistakes and not torepeate it!!
about islam ! when it comes to religion i know where i go , only for God , i pray , get nearer to God and do thikr(Qurean and praises) the only thing that in my opinion to never doubt and never get disappointed from is God's mercy cuz it is endless andno one could ever stop in front of me in that there dozins of books about islam and faith and ...etc that one cann read in oreder never to hesitate about faith and to be strongher really really knowledge is power even in religion!
don't surrender to what u feel i usually tell myself that cuz it would waste my time and make me feel more mersirable and would make u desprate even from God'smercy which is endless and he couldchange everything in ur side just in a second!
and do u know that deisease and sadness erases many sins to muslim as the prophetic hadth means:), u aren't an idiot , we all have problems but because not we don't talk about them means that we don't have nay we just try,(my opinion).
SO, don't be that sad try to change what is wrong with patience and will and everything insha Allah will turn to be in ur side :D..smile
for anything else,u can mail me!
salaam
Truly in the heart there is a void that can not be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there is a sadness that can not be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true to Him. And in it there is an emptiness that can not be filled except with love for Him and by turning to Him and always remembering Him. And if a person were given all of the world and what is in it, it would not fill this emptiness.
~Ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawziyya~
i have ear infections too...and also congenital anomalies which made me partially deaf. and i also dunno why i'm taking medicine course even though i'm more interested in math. all of us is not perfect. it's good when u like something. only that, in my humble opinion, u need to be more patience. God will never test us with something that we r not capable to handle. always think that He test u because u r strong enough to get it. and out of everyone, He choose u which means u are somewhat special.
Al-Quran, surah al-Baqarah
286. Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. "Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people."
salam (if u r Muslim) & hi (if u r non-Muslim)
its really very simple trust me do it for once & you will love ur self
find a single quality in u which other don