How does one build confidence in an anxiety-ridden mother?!


Question: My mother suffers from severe anxiety and panic attacks. She insists that her husband and I be her enabler, and we oblige because we love her. For the new year, I want to help her build confidence in herself and become more independent. How can I help her?


Answers: My mother suffers from severe anxiety and panic attacks. She insists that her husband and I be her enabler, and we oblige because we love her. For the new year, I want to help her build confidence in herself and become more independent. How can I help her?

As a mental health professional with 20+ years experience, now retired, I can tell you that the only way you can help her is to dump her and let her succeed or fail on her own. I did that to my mother years ago, and if she wanted to go on being the hypochondriac like she and her mother are / were, so be it. But she was not going to get me to help her, or to help her not be so hypochondriacal and anxious. The only way you can help such anxious and dependent individuals is to drop them. So, I haven't seen my mother in three years, even though she lives only about 7 or 8 miles from me. She has her equally hypochondriacal daughter, my older sister, living with her, and, so far, I haven't seen either of them in the obituary section of our local paper, so, I guess they're doing okay. That may sound "cold and cruel", but I can tell you this, they have a fine house and fine automobiles and plenty of money, and I've blocked their telephone number from mine, and even though they have an approximate idea where I live, they can't find me because I live way back in the woods where I can't be seen from the road, and even if they did, they can't get to my house because of my electric gate. Consequently, they have learned to live without me, and act like somewhat mature, adult women. At their ages, it's way past time. Now they have a choice to realize how good they are taking care of themselves, or they can find some other sucker to nurse their anxieties and panic attacks and hypochondriasis. In my 20+ years as a mental health professional, I've truly learned the value of that program "Tough Love". God Bless you and your husband.

First, tell her to call a counselor for talk therapy so she can get to the root of her problem.

Second, she should be her own person and no one (you or your father) should ever limit her in any way.

Third, support her efforts in whatever she does.

She should build her confidence herself. But you can recommend she sign up for some sort of athletic thing, it doesn't have to be a marathon per se, but there are alot of athletic events that you don't have to be an athlete to be in. For instance, I did my first Kayak-athon. I paddled across Long Island Sound, which was pretty big. I had no experience the first time I signed up for it, but training for it- that was the key. It both inspired me to get out there and exercise (because there was a deadline), it made me feel strong, and when I did it, it made me feel very accomplished. I also raised money for a good cause and in doing that, got the support of about 60 or so people who were rooting for me to finish.

It was a natural self esteem/self confidence builder. Had you asked me before hand, I would have said I wouldn't have been able to do it. Now I'm signed up for my 3rd one,

Better get a bet answer for that one, :0)

You can never make someone do what they don't want to do. What does work is working on your own self and learning how to create in your life what you really want. My mother way a nut case and there is no way she would do anything any different. So that is her life, not mine. Take care of you and others around you will notice this and start taking better care of themselves. Blessings

You can check out Louise l Hay's audiobook you can heal your life. Plus she has great affirmations cds on loving yourself, and being positive about life. You can find the at Amazon. She just lays back and hears them. Also Lucinda Bassett has a great program called attacking anxiety. I hope it helps...you can look up this info online.

Stop enabling her. Point her in the direction of a good Mental Health professional. Work on yourself and don't buy into the guilt trip that she will try to hang on you.
If you love her you will make her responsible for her own happiness.

I don't mean to sound harsh but, sometimes drastic measures are in order. ?

HEY I HAVE FEW EASY STEPS THAT YOU CAN SUGGEST YOUR MOTHER IN MY BLOG. CHECK IT OUT AT http://trainyourmind.blogspot.com . I will be updating this every week.





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