How can I give up an addiction to crack cocaine? I have been addicted since 1986!
Question: I have been through many detox and substance abuse programs. My father was the southeasts largest supplier of cocaine in the 80`s and 90`s. I had him arrested thinking that if I could take away the ease of access I could take away my addiction. I only made my addiction more expensive as now I have to pay for the cocaine that I use. I have cut way back (from 1/2 ounce daily in 1990 to several grams a year). The problem is when I get started I can`t stop until I have no more money. THis causes a strain on my marriage (to my fourth wife) as I do not come home until I`m broke and hurting.
Please someone give me some advice, if you have ever seen the movie where johnny depp plays the drug kingpin, this was my life in the 80`s and 90`s, but not as the kingpin, but the son caught up in the game. We had police paid off, planes running dope from Mexico to USA. I saw corruption, racketeering, money laundering, even murder of DEA officials and witnesses for the state. This left me scarred foreve
Answers: I have been through many detox and substance abuse programs. My father was the southeasts largest supplier of cocaine in the 80`s and 90`s. I had him arrested thinking that if I could take away the ease of access I could take away my addiction. I only made my addiction more expensive as now I have to pay for the cocaine that I use. I have cut way back (from 1/2 ounce daily in 1990 to several grams a year). The problem is when I get started I can`t stop until I have no more money. THis causes a strain on my marriage (to my fourth wife) as I do not come home until I`m broke and hurting.
Please someone give me some advice, if you have ever seen the movie where johnny depp plays the drug kingpin, this was my life in the 80`s and 90`s, but not as the kingpin, but the son caught up in the game. We had police paid off, planes running dope from Mexico to USA. I saw corruption, racketeering, money laundering, even murder of DEA officials and witnesses for the state. This left me scarred foreve
I am extremely sad for you and your family. I've never been addicted to crack so I can't claim to understand what you are going through. I do know that it sounds like you are wanting to help yourself, which is a great step.
You need to continue getting support through the substance abuse programs. I don't think you will ever completely overcome this addiction, but don't stop trying to quit.
You were just a child when you were exposed to this drug, so it was not your fault at all. I'm sure many people here will say mean things to you, but ignore them, they aren't worth it.
Change your user name here because thats not who you really are!
Take care of yourself!
never ever use it!!! run from the people that tempt you. Stay away from it!
how are u still...living doing all that crack????....but just kill yo self!!!!!
wow, your father really sounds like a nasty man, I hope he is still in prison. Did you really see him murder DEA agents? I lost an uncle in Matamoros Mexico, his murder was pinned on the Arrellano-Felix cartel. I am sure that if your father ran drugs from mexico to the US he was involved with these people.
How did you ever find the courage to have him arrested? I heard that snitches for kingpins always end up dead or living in witness protection forever.
I really feel for you, really. You need counseling a counselor is not obligated to tell police( especially a priest) of any unlawful activity you may have participated in (it sounds to me like you were a witness to these murders and possibly an accomplice in this illegal enterprise). I hope your father rots in hell for these attrocious crimes he involved you in.
As for your cocaine addiction, trust me once an addict always an addict. I too had a problem with cocaine (although not nearly on as large a scale as yourself). I just stay away from people and places that remind me of cocaine, also I have been given drugs by a psychiatrist that make me crave cocaine ( Klonopin, Xanax, Valium, etc).
I have never seen on the labeling that these medicines can make a person with a cocaine addiction use cocaine, but trust me, when I take these I feel the urge to use. So my advice is to leave all drugs alone, even alcohol. I know from experience that this is easier said than done, but if you want to live without using, you simply must not use. It does sound like your triggers are very deeply rooted and I wish you well in your recovery.
My heart bleeds for you!! There is no easy answer, I wish there was, I am in recovery from Meth. I have been clean for 2 years. I think you know the answer ,its just hard to accept you can not use ANY once people like us get started there is no stopping. Dont give up tho keep trying and get support, I used to hate hearing that but it works, I am about to go to a meeting. If you want I will give you my email and I will help in any way I can. I was a using addict for over 12 years I think I understand your pain.
are you going to give me some of that???
hey man, it seems like you have tried all of the reliable helps out there and still had a hard time letting to of your addiction. Even loss of marriages didn't do anything to slow you down brother. Fourth marriage and you are still running, and you are only 36 years old. What are you doing? You still have to much and so long to live for. Do you see it this way buddy? It is never to late to let go of addictions and stand up for yourself to yourself. Once and for all, you have to stand up and look at life in the face and tell yourself to stop running!!! All addictions help the addicts to run away from fears, from themselves because addictions help take away problems and pains for a short moment. Addictions help us forget our confusion and suppress our suffering. My friend, you do sound like you are so done with this life style and ready for a change, a big change, but you can't seem to completely pull your head out of the water. I'd like to advice you to be tougher on yourself. Enough is enough!! Stopping is not so hard but not having it when you need it the most is almost impossible. But you see there is a slight possibility that you'll be able to leave this addiction that has been keeping a slave for 22 years and destroying your life, your marriages and your dignity. Expand that possibility! Make it grow by staying with the craving but not satisfying it. This will take lots of courage, persistence and faith, but most of all it takes willingness to let go of your addiction.
It will hurt you (as you already know it so well) when you are not using cocaine because of your mental stuff that comes up inside of you in the absence of drugs. Be willing to sit with that stuff and suffer for a short time and wait for it to go away instead of running to cocaine as you would usually do. If you could only do this, your life will change. I promise you. I sincerely wish you luck and welcome back to real life my friend.
If you want to, read books by Pema Chodron. You will find more needed advise there bud.
ready for some truth??? Pray and ask the Lord to remove it from you.....only if you want it sincerely with all your heart....(and he knows)...will you no longer be chained to yourself.....
hon, you're going to have to make up your own mind to quit. i'm sure you've been through the Narcotics Anonymous bit, too... i think you mght try again.
have you ever been in a dual diagnosis facility? these are for people with addictions who also have emotional problems (whether they were diagnosed with anxiety, depression, post traumatic stress, bipolar disorder, etc). Your childhood has had to have left you with issues... surely it's affected you.
every time we go back to using our brains develop more receptors which increases our levels of craving... hence, it gets more and more difficult for you to remain clean.
i don't know what type of friends you have or whether your wife takes drugs or drinks, but i'm here to tell you, you must avoid people and situations which involve using. i'm sure you know this.. willpower just isn't enough for most of us.
perhaps you could get some good support and advice by trying narcotics anonymous again... get direction and i'm sure their members would be some of the most knowledgeable folks you'll find anywhere, considering they are all recovering addicts.
take care.