Friend cutting?!
Question: I have a friend who is 17 and cuts. She really does not know the reason why she does this. She told me she really hates herself. How can I help her. We can not tell her parents
Answers: I have a friend who is 17 and cuts. She really does not know the reason why she does this. She told me she really hates herself. How can I help her. We can not tell her parents
Well it a good thing she is taking to you but why cant you tell her parents. Is there someone else she could talk to . this is a serious problem i should know i use to and still sometimes do cut myself. you need to get her help. she needs to talk to someone she feels conformable with . if you are still in school have her talk to the nurse or a counselor also just be there for her and dont judge her it may make things worse. if you wont to youcould have her email and i will talk with her i have been and can help. she needs you suppourt right know just trya nd get her to talk to someone
well the answer is that she needs therapy. she needs to adress whatever is driving these issues. i didnt cut, but i self-harmed sexually (did sexual things that hurt and humiliated me) along the same lines. the urge finally passed when i made peace with all the stuff causign my problems.
you answered your own question...she's been abusing herself
because someone made her feel bad about herself and now that's how she is releasing the "pressure" or tension by cutting herself....she needs therapy ....professional therapy..
take to a student adviser or go to a family therapy session...
her parents need to know to help.
Most times, there IS a way of helping someone, or yourself, without telling parents. I got over my anorexia without any counslors or parents.
step 1: The first thing she needs to do, is REALLY think about WHY she's cutting herself.
step 2: We all have dreams every night, but 33% of the time, we don't remember them. When we do, it's because our mind is trying to tell us something. Whenever she has a dream, tell her to right every little detail about it, in a journal or on a computer. When she's done, tell her to re-read it a few times, and circle key words, and certain sentences that are kind of odd. It may take weeks to nterpret a dream. (If she finds it too hard to interpret her dream, ell her to post what her dream was on Y!A. But make sure she gets more than one answer. Some people can be very helpful on Y!A.)
step 3: Try to make the setting around her cheerful. Maybe try taking her to the mall sometime.
Hope this helps =)
i have been cutting for the last 2 years and my parents have never found out. people cut for many reason. sometimes they do it because they are angry or sad about something/someone and/or are depressed. sometimes people just cut for attention. when friends are worrying about you, thats a form of attention. i recently posted a similar question asking what some unharmful things were that i could do when i get the urge to cut. i got many suggestions, including putting ice on the area where you cut because it can help to satisfy the urge. many people prefer to express themselves in ways such as poetry, journals, drawing/sculpting, listening to music, etc. You might want to suggest some of these to your friend and eventually you may be able to get her to stop. once she is feeling somewhat confident that she can stop i would try to convince her to give you whatever she cuts herself with (razor blades, knifes, etc.). i completely understand about not wanting to tell her parents. when parents find out about these kinds of things the dont know how to react. they can sometimes react in extreme ways. however if her cutting gets really serious (like to the point where its more like slitting her wrists to attempt to kill her self) then you really need to let her parents know.
I do it too... she's right, I don't know why either. Luckily I am coping much better, thanks to the below...
Without acting like you feel too sorry for her, do what you can to remind you what she means to you. Treat her normally. Discreetly get her to focus on hobbies and interests.
As for the cutting, inform her that whenever she feels like cutting she can call you.
My parents know anyway, but I've been going to a psychologist for months now... They can be helpful, so maybe gently suggest it to your friend?
I could suggest a book- "Eating in the Light of the Moon" by dr. anita johnston. It is about eating disorders, but I think there is a lot in it that could help every single person in the world- and especially if they self harm.
I really wish you both luck...
If your friend is in the UK, then as she is over 16 she will be able to seek professional help (from the Dr and counselors etc) without her parents knowing. Other avenues of support include helplines and on-line services. One such that I have used and found helpful is sane-mail. There is also lots of information about self harm and techniques to control/stop it that she might find useful to look at.
It sounds she has a very good friend in you. Someone who is prepared to understand without judging and wants to help her. Friendship and support like that go a long way to helping someone who self harms. It is important to make sure that you look after yourself too. It won't do either of you any good if you become stressed with this situation.
Best of luck to you both xxx
I would not suggest medication or counseling. I've had a lot of cutter friends and that only made it worse. Just try to talk to her about her feelings. Give her things to be happy about. Do a lot of fun things with her, so she forgets it. It all boils down to her. She needs to figure out her problems.