Please help me learn to cope with death?!
Question: I work in a nursing home and am an LNA (only for a couple of months now) so this is all new to me. I have seen 4 deaths since I began (which have all been hard for me) but I have a resident that I have been taking care of who I found out today is all of a sudden dying. Just 2 days ago when I worked she seemed perfectly fine. I know this comes with the territory (job) and I have to deal with it but I am having a very difficult time with it. I believe that she will go to Heaven and be at peace so that brings some comfort but it is hard for me to accept death. Can anyone help me cope with death or direct me in a direction, and does anyone know of any special prayers I can pray over her?
Answers: I work in a nursing home and am an LNA (only for a couple of months now) so this is all new to me. I have seen 4 deaths since I began (which have all been hard for me) but I have a resident that I have been taking care of who I found out today is all of a sudden dying. Just 2 days ago when I worked she seemed perfectly fine. I know this comes with the territory (job) and I have to deal with it but I am having a very difficult time with it. I believe that she will go to Heaven and be at peace so that brings some comfort but it is hard for me to accept death. Can anyone help me cope with death or direct me in a direction, and does anyone know of any special prayers I can pray over her?
I too am a C.N.A. and also work in a nursing home. It has been my passion for nearly 9 yrs now. I have always enjoyed helping people. And this line of work is perfect for me. In my many years of dealing with death. I have found that death is the only way our dear residents can be free again. To be with out pain, and loneliness often associated with being placed in a nursing home. It is our human nature to selfishly wish that our loved ones and dear friends can be with us forever.
Our role as care givers puts us in the position of getting close to them. Feeling the grief of losing them is often just as bad for us as it is their families. I have become grateful, that they are no longer in pain and are together with loved ones that passed before them. When ever possible, I will escape to their room, and i sit and spend time with them, often I sit with them until the end, stroking their head, moistening their lips and offering comfort any way I can. It's how I have learned to say goodbye. I am so sorry, for you and your friend. I am sure she will take fond memories of you with her when it becomes time for her to go.
If you wish send me an email, and perhaps we can go through it together. If you have messenger, i could add you to my list and be there any time you have questions, or need someone to talk to. Those of us in this line of work, often have very little resource to vent. my email is available through my yahoo answers profile.
to accept death, if something that just happens. you just got to deal with it and move on. find something that makes you happy and think of that. i lost my dad when I was 9. i was a major daddys girl but ive learned to move on. yes i get sad sometimes but thats ok.
Keep telling yourself, it is the circle of life and everytime someone dies, a new baby is born, which is a happy thought.
Im going to be blunt here, you gotta find another job.
it takes a strong person to work in a nursing home, maybe your not ready for that
There IS no getting used to death..-_-
Find the gratitude for having known them
over time the gratitude will overcome the loss
Well, it could be worse. You could work at the dog pound and have to kill puppies. All of these people have had a long life, and they are probably ready to go. You are helping them die with a little dignity.
This is hard for me as well my brother passed away last year and my grandma las month its so hard so i dont even know what i can tell you or what helps. i just pray and try to understand why these things happens, sorry to say nothing really seems to help or make me understand just being around loved ones and well ofcourse time. but i hope that you learn to cope with this as i must admit its harder when its your own flesh and blood. sorry i was not much help.
turn to the bible. I found this article to be comforting.
it's tough. really.
but some people who work with dying patients, especially hospice workers, learn to value each day of their patient's lives, and their memories. to be grateful you had the chance to meet this person.
and a few people learn to see death as just another phase - like birth.
but it is tough.
pray that god will give you faith. Also don't be afraid that a person is about to die. If they're a good person, they're simply moving on to a better place. Don't think of death as a negative thing, think of is as a journey to a better place.
Well, you have to understand that all these are natural and it happens because God has plans for them. I know seeing someone die is very harsh, I know how it feels. Just think positive and focus on the positive: You helped them, made them comfortable, gave them company, and made them happy. =]
Just pray for her in you special intentions.
the best way to cope with it is to keep your mind off it i woz afraid until i started thinking that if you believe you wont then you wont be afraid
Try alcohol, drugs, excess carbohydrates or meaningless sex.
Americans use all of these to help them cope with all sorts of situations.
I think you will just have to let time do it's thing. If you are there longer and you don't sem to get better, the job probably isn't for you. I worked in a nursing home before and my favorite resident passed away, but the thought that made me happy was that I was there for him his last few months and I think I made a difference.
If you can go home from work everyday knowing that you gave a little something of yourself to make somebody's day better, I think you will start feeling better. If you think about it, some people don't even see their families anymore, they only have you and the other staff. Hang in there.
I'm so sorry you are hurting.Bless you for choosing this type of work.I ,myself could never do that.I know it must be tough getting to know those people and then losing them.I had been friends with an elderly lady for many years and we lost her a couple of years ago.Once again ,I'm sorry for your sadness.Just pray any way you see fit.God will work it out for you.Good luck.
if she hasn't died yet spend as much time with her as you can. Tell her how much you like her and tell her stories. it will help. if she died then you need to keep her spirit alive by telling other people good stories about her. Even though it will hurt to talk about her you will feel good after talking about her because you can remember her forever.
The best thing I can tell you is that she will be in a far better place that you or I ever dreamed of, she will no longer suffer or the others that go to meet the Lord. He will take care of them give them new bodies. What you can pray for is that the person goes quicky and has no pain or suffering before they leave. Good luck and God bless.
This is a real tough job you have. I remember visiting my Grandmother in a nursing home. When I was up there during their lunch time, i would try to help some of them eat, who weren't eating. The next time I went back there, few of them would be being fed Intravenously, so sad.
I think the most you can do is be kind, pray for them in your own way, giving them peace in their final days.
God bless angels like you.
Death is part of life, but I know I would not want your job. Think of your job as making the terminaly ill as comfortable as possible; you are needed and appreciated by those you help and I hope you can continue.
We seem to have a hard time with death because we feel we are loosing someone. Your job is a hard one because you cannot do it without becoming emotional. You see them every day, then one day you get to work and you find out they passed on. It can be hard on anyone. Not everybody can do your job.
Just try to think they are in a much better place and feel happy for them. At least they don't have to suffer any more.
CAROLUS 121 :why afraid of death.let it come when it wants.until it comes do something for example go tojournal keeping and wite about Death-how it comes and how to face it? You know decades now that I am waiting for it and each year I am growing younger!
You poor darling I had a friend in your situation and she had to leave her job it was all too much too sad too depressing.
She like you had a beautiful softness and caring nature that was being destroyed by the death of patients she adored.
She loved the aged so much she visited them on days off and their birthdays ect this job was giving her nightmares so she changed jobs and hasn't looked back. We need more caring people like you but you mustn't let it destroy your life.
this job is not for you hope you find another soon.
First of all, I applaud you for working in such a difficult, yet praiseworthy field. It takes guts. But I don't think seeing death on a regular basis will ever be okay. Take some time to talk with a coworker you trust and ask them how they deal with it and about when they first started. They may have valuable insights for you.
Spend time with your family and friends and always be thankful for every minute with them. Maybe seeing these dear elderly people pass on is teaching you to treasure every moment.
Keep a journal about your feelings and conversations you have with residents. Sometimes it helps just getting things off your chest. If time goes on and things still aren't getting any easier, I would suggest talking with a pastor, counselor or psychiatrist.
As for this lady you've been caring for, say a prayer for her health. And if this is simply her time to go, say a prayer for her family that God will bring them (and you) peace.
I'll keep you in my prayers as well. I hope things get easier for you. God bless.
Melody
my spouse worked as nursing assistant in nursing home for many years and had to deal with the same thing. it's difficult because you really get to know the residents when working with them everyday and you become their friend. most residents in nursing homes have lived very long lives, many being 90 years old or greater. all of us will pass away someday, that's why it's important to trust Jesus as your Savior, and realize death is not the end, but the beginning of eternal life with Him.
Hi as surely as we are born we must die it is a part of living.
All you can do is to give your very best to these dear ones while they are with you. Love and serve them well and when they die think loving thoughts of them send them away with your genuine love and this will help you to detach yourself from their physical being. and hopefully give you peace.
The work you are doing is valuable that you care so much for them, do not give up keep on keeping on .I find my own words when I pray, Just pray they pass peacefully away and do not suffer too much. You will be in my prayers tonight .
Does the nursing home offer off site mental services. Most companies and/or insurance plans do.
It seems like this is having an effect on you. You need to take this seriously and find out how to deal with it, or maybe the expert will suggest you look for a different job.
Keep in mind you are doing the best you can and that is all you can do.
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Aw i'm really sorry to hear that. I know how hard it can be because my Grandmother passed away last year and, at 14, i'd never whitnessed loosing someone so close to me before. She was lost to cancer so it was a long process of hospice visits, seing her getting worse everyday. I know this sounds completely cliche but seriously, take it from someone who knows, it will be very hard to accept at first but time will pass and it will get easier. When my Gran was ill i spent so much time contemplating death and how i felt about it and everyday i dreaded hearing that terrible news but when it actually did come, that she'd passed away, i sat down, alone, and thought deeply about where, in my opinion, she had gone and what had happened to her and in the end i decided that she was no longer in the imense pain that she was previously in, she no long suffered and, although i'm not a particularly religious person, i truly believed she had gone to a wonderful place, completely pure of all the war, hurt and horror that Earth posseses. Of course i never stop missing her and i will always feel an empty space for her but i think that that thought really carried me through to the other side of the experience.
In your profession, sadly, you are likely to see your fair share of deaths but i can truly promise you that, athough it's never ever easy loosing a life that meant something to you, it will gradually get easier.
Good luck with everything and my sincerest condolences to you. Be sure to care for this lady and make her last days as comfortable and happy as possible, and by doing so, a part of her will always be with you. I really do wish you the best of luck with overcoming the concept of death and loss.
xo portia
P.S. again, it sounds cliche, but don't forget that if you ever need to talk to someone, you MUST do so. I kept it bottled up and trust me, it does alot more harm than good. Nobody will judge you or think any worse of you and i'm sure everybody who cares about you understands and is there for you.
Btw, if you want to talk, feel free to add me rayeatscrayons_getoverit@hotmail.com if you have msn or email me if you don't. I don't know much about nursing but i understand grief.
I know that this is difficult for you,but those in a nursing home are just preparing for death and holding on to time because their syblings can't take care of them.So its up to you to make the best of what they have left and accept it cause its expected.Otherwise change your occupation cause it's not for you.