Ladies and gentlemen... I need your help?!
Question: I am a grown woman now.
When I was an adolescent(age 15 then), I had a boyfriend(age 16 then). So one night I spent the night at his house, I was sleeping (pretending actually) at the time when all of a sudden one of his sister's friends (age 17) walked in. I felt him sit down the bed and I heard her voice. He said "I feel bad for being a little too friendly with you" to her. She said "you shouldn't be". So then I hear her ask him If he would give her a back rub, he went ahead and did that. I heard him tell her "You have some sexy underwear" while pulling on her thong.
I woke up and he looked hesitant and stayed on her for about 10 seconds. Then he got off. It's 5 years later, he says he wants me back and wants to marry me. I told him I won't have sex with him until I'm married, he agrees to it. I sound naive, but really I am not, but I am BEING naive in this situation, because I care for him still and might still be foolishly into him.
Men what does his actions indicate ?
Answers: I am a grown woman now.
When I was an adolescent(age 15 then), I had a boyfriend(age 16 then). So one night I spent the night at his house, I was sleeping (pretending actually) at the time when all of a sudden one of his sister's friends (age 17) walked in. I felt him sit down the bed and I heard her voice. He said "I feel bad for being a little too friendly with you" to her. She said "you shouldn't be". So then I hear her ask him If he would give her a back rub, he went ahead and did that. I heard him tell her "You have some sexy underwear" while pulling on her thong.
I woke up and he looked hesitant and stayed on her for about 10 seconds. Then he got off. It's 5 years later, he says he wants me back and wants to marry me. I told him I won't have sex with him until I'm married, he agrees to it. I sound naive, but really I am not, but I am BEING naive in this situation, because I care for him still and might still be foolishly into him.
Men what does his actions indicate ?
Well, I don't know how they interacted before, I do think that he was not being faithful to you in his heart at that time. I don't know if he's grown up since then. He was 16, so he wasn't an adult. I would think long and hard about marrying him, and probably get some couples counseling.
Good luck,
Dana (Marriage and Family Therapy M.S.)
He wasn't an adult, so it's not any kind of statutory rape (the girl, however, was most likely considered an adult so it could be on her part). Unfortunately, I see teenagers do this a lot because they don't realize how they really feel and just want to experiment. It's possible that that's the case.
Did you ever talk with him about that situation? It's pretty much a non-issue now since it's been so long, but it obviously still bothers you. So bring it up and talk to him about it. If you can't communicate with him now, your marriage could have problems before it's even begun.
It would be difficult to call this one. If you can, try dating and getting to really know him. You don't have to force yourself to make any hard decisions right on the spot. While dating I would suggest keeping your distance and see if this guy is for real. Be polite but be firm with your resolve.