What do you do if you don't fit in anywhere? How do you find your place in l!
Question: Keep failing. Gave up. I'm university educated, bright, and have given up. I'm 31 and have moved back home with my parents. I work part time baking. My previous job was biomedical research- funding ran out. I also have PTSD from being raped when I was 20. Everybody I know has moved on, gotten married and is having kids. I'm scared of men. Maybe I'm bisexual or gay- I don't know. All I know is it's an epic struggle. People tell me I'm attractive but I think I'm ugly. I talk to a shrink but I don't seem to be getting anywhere. I'm shy and socially awkward. People don't get me. My life seems really to have no point. I'm a weirdo. Can anybody relate to any of this?
Answers: Keep failing. Gave up. I'm university educated, bright, and have given up. I'm 31 and have moved back home with my parents. I work part time baking. My previous job was biomedical research- funding ran out. I also have PTSD from being raped when I was 20. Everybody I know has moved on, gotten married and is having kids. I'm scared of men. Maybe I'm bisexual or gay- I don't know. All I know is it's an epic struggle. People tell me I'm attractive but I think I'm ugly. I talk to a shrink but I don't seem to be getting anywhere. I'm shy and socially awkward. People don't get me. My life seems really to have no point. I'm a weirdo. Can anybody relate to any of this?
No-one is a good judge of their own looks. See shyness, and social skills, in section 9, at ezy-build, below. I'll include the following standard posts for any help they may be: VOLUNTEERING: See self esteem, in section 38, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris and consider volunteering, even from home, at first, as a means of changing your focus from yourself, and ceasing useless introspection. It will also provide a solid basis in reality for the daily affirmations: "I am a good person, who is valued by my community, because I ..(insert activity here).." Section 47 also refers. On volunteering outside the home, you will come into contact with supportive people, and receive positive feedback for your efforts, which will be obviously appreciated, and it will give purpose to your life, and get you back into the work habit, as well as helping others. Keep looking for work: internet, newspapers, local businesses, hotels/motels, and restaurants, friends, and family, and contact a social worker, through your local hospital, or community services dept., because they have many contacts, ideas and suggestions. Tried temping? Social skills are like muscles: you build them by using them. RAPE: Go to http://vaonlinesupport.org/support.html and www.rape-victim-support.com and http://www.rainn.org/ Call (USA)1800 656 HOPE Report the rape to the police as soon as possible: don't even shower (even though you may feel an overwhelming urge to clean yourself), and save all clothing, and anything else which may be contain DNA, or forensic clues. Many perpetrators are brought to justice this way, and removed from society, so that they can't inflict themselves on others. Also, the fresher your memory of the events, and description, the better. It may help to have a friend, or relative with you, to provide support, at this time. The very fact that you have done all you can reasonably do, is often an important first step in the healing process. You don't have to testify in court, if you don't want to. Your statement, the results of tests, etc., are often sufficient by themselves, but, if you are feeling able to cope, your testimony is often helpful to the prosecution, and personally cathartic, although many, quite understandably, prefer to avoid any additional stress. Depending on your area, there may be rape crisis centers, hotlines, or women's refuges/shelters where you can receive counselling. Some find further therapy helpful, later on. Be aware of the possibility of developing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, as well. Flashbacks, nightmares, difficulty sleeping, and just staring blankly for long periods of time are some symptoms. For more PTSD info, treatments, and links, see http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris on pages 33 - 34. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FROM YAHOO! ANSWERS:
just keep in mind that it is not your fault, there are just ****** up people out there. That is the only thing that can get you through. Just know that you are beautiful and you did not deserve it but to be strong and get past it, do not dwell on it. Just let it go and forgive the person, as hard as it is. That is the best advise I have.
Did you go to the police? They'll usually tell you a therapist or counselor to go to.
EDIT...There's something called "secondary wounding". Hope you haven't had to go thru it. It's like when you try to talk to people about it and they don't believe you or say it was your fault or say "I believe YOU believe it happened." ie..they don't believe it. Get you some books from the library. Be careful about who you tell.
EDIT...I think there's a rape crisis phone number you can call.HERE IT IS..
You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), or you can search for your local rape crisis center.Or GOOGLE :RAINN for more info.
(I'm pretty sure this hasn't happened to "Stephanie E.".)
Find the nearest rape crisis center and go see them. They are experienced and will understand and help you through this.oooooooooooooooooo
Find a counselor, a support group, someone trained to assist rape victims. You're right, sometimes it's not enough just to talk about it, but if you talk about it with a counselor or someone who's trained to help rape victims or even other rape victims who have been helped by a counselor, they will know how to really hear what you are saying and they will know what to say back. Most people don't get what it means to be raped. They think it's just that someone forced sex onto you. Please, look for womens health, women's advocacy, something along those lines in your area. If you don't find what you need, I bet what you find will know where to send you. I wish you well, and if you need help finding support, please contact me and I will help you. 00000000000000
Being a rape survivor I found the best way to deal with it was to talk about it and to find a rape survivors group and talk to them. Most big hospitals have them and if you're in small town there are rape survivors groups on line. I know that it's hard but you have to remember that it's not your fault. The only person that's to blame is the person who perpetrated the assault. Other than the death of someone you love this might be the hardest thing that you have to deal with. I know that it's very hard but it can be done I know I've done it. Reach out for all the support that you can get and don't not talk about it. You will never forget it, but you can learn to live with it and be happy again. It will take time and energy but It can be done.
Good luck and if you need someone to talk to email me.0000000000000
This helped me. Write a letter to the perpetrator. Start with just the facts what happened 2nd how it made you feel then last what you would like to do to him/them(you know what I mean). Put it away and take it out and read it once and awhile until it makes you so sick you can't even read it any more. It is now time to get rid of this part of you life and move on. You can get rid of it anyway you'd like. I'm going to burn mine. I'm going to go to the closest spot to where it happened and burn it. I think the best part of it all is when you write what you would do to them. I hope this helps and be strong. It wasn't your fault. 000000000000
hey hun i'm really sorry, i'm going though the same thing. i have no support, my family thinks its in my head. If you need to talk i'm here mightymouse5905@hotmail.com If you call RAINN they will help you and they have avocates that will help you and they are really suppotive. I call them alot, they don't mind even though its really hard for me, to call them bc i feel like i'm brothing them. but i know that is what they are there for and i just have to keep tellin my self that. i'm always here if you need to talk. I hope you are ok, hang in there. please email if you need ANYTHING ~~~ See PTSD, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris on pages 33 - 34, and examine the 1-800-therapist website, and use the locators in section 1, and phone book, and/or various associations for psychiatrists and psychologists, to find the nearest one using EMDR therapy. If unable to afford it, contact the county/local mental health agency: any therapy on offer may prove helpful, particularly if combined with appropriate medication. Consider returning to uni, and requalifying, possibly in an area which would suit local employment opportunities, and keep on trying, in your current field.
Yup. I can't be myself ever. I don't know what happened but somewhere in life I made a bad decision. I don't talk to people because I get nervous. I can't breath sometimes. I pretty messed up. If that makes you feel any better.
i know how you feel,im only 16, but most of the time i feel really bad, all my sisters are beautiful and they were all popular and school and had all the boys after them, i never had any of this. alot of people tell me im pretty but whatever. for the most part it goes away. you just need to step out of your shell, im very shy as well. just do things that make you happy :]
I can. But i don't know how to deal with it.
Just be yourself, however, stop being so down on yourself. The sun will not shine if you keep the curtain closed. Take up a new hobby. Don't look for people to carry you. You have to be confident in carrying yourself. You cannot attract the interest of others if you do nothing to improve yourself. Take a hobby, learn music, take up cooking, try house plants, don't sit around on your butt.
No, I can't relate, but i can empathize with you. I really hope you figure things out... I'm sure it's quite hard for you.
I don't know if it helps, but you can't lump all men into one basket because of what one man did to you. What he did was wrong and unacceptable, but he is just one man. There are propbably many men who would love to get to know the real you if you can just let your wall down. I know it's easier said than done... I really do wish you the best.
thats wut i feel like i have social anxiety disorder i want to die
it's hard I'm sure! I can only imagine what you've gone through. But never give up! Maybe what you need right now is a long vacation by yourself. Do some soul searching. Travel to France and find a lover (maybe not really...but hey?) Want to talk more? I'll listen! efilipich@aol.com
Yup. I am 4 years younger than you, still live with my parents and have been called pretty for 11 years of my life. Being called pretty is not a self esteem booster anymore. I just don't like hearing it, but when they do say it, I say thank you. I am having trouble finding a job and someone to marry (usually the person I like doesn't like me, got married, is in a serious relationship with their girlfriend, etc.)
i can't say i know exactly how you feel. first off i don't think you're gay. it makes perfect sense that you're scared of men after you were raped. i'm a guy but i can't imagine anything scarier for a woman than being raped. hopefully someday you'll be able to be around guys. we're not all asses. only half of us are. little joke. i'm 24 and i have epilepsi and a serious social anxiety/panic attack problem and its gotten worse and worse. since i graduated i basically have done nothing. i can't handle the pressure of working. i'm living at home while all of my friends have there own places and are working and i feel like a loser a lot. i'm seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist. hopefully i'll find a medication that can help me but nothing so far. so i think i can relate to just suffering in life. i think we have to find a way to not be ashamed or embarrassed of ourselves so we'll be more happy and we have to somehow figure out a way to deal with our fears. Two very hard things to do. sorry if i didn't have all the answers. email me if you want to talk ever.
No, I cannot relate to your situation of the PTSD and the situation that lead up to it. However, YES, I can relate to being a "weirdo." People tell me all the time that I am "weird" but in a good way. Not in the "get away from me- weird, but the you are funny and a good guy- weird. Hi-Five fellow shy one!
However, I can offer some advice when I am struggling. When I was 16 and going in for my drivers license I was nervous about if I could pass or not. Then, on my way to the DMV I was at a stop light seeing so many other drivers, good and bad. It hit me. There are so many others out there like me who ARE driving, they passed, so why cant I? My point is, so many people are out there in your similar situation and they are surviving and moving, SO CAN YOU! Fight for it, others do it daily, so can you; you just got to admit to yourself you REALLY want it.
Thomas Edison once said, " I didn't invent the light bulb. I discovered 1000 ways NOT to make a lighbulb." Moral: fail - try- fail - try- fail - try fail -TRY!!!!!!! Its in the act of DOING not thinkig about doing.
K.I.S.S = Keep It Simple Stupid. Dont go big, start simple and easy.
It is okay to be scared, but find one man and start there. Be friends, and then turn one man into two, two into four. We are not all a-holes. Start a pandemic!
If you are uncomfortable, perhaps go on a double date with another couple (know well both the girl and the guy-you need to trust the guy your girl is dating to help you feel secure about the guy you are dating- he will assess your date better than your girlfriend). This helped my friend (similar situation as you).
Maybe you are gay, and that is okay too, but be sure that you are gay because you like women and not because you got scared off men.
Be proud of your beauty inside, that's what will shine. Don't worry if you are physically attractive or not, if your spirit is beautiful, your energy that you share will be too. When you share your energy you will have no choice but to feel beautiful.
There are many who are "normally socially awkward", but they find at least ONE person they can dish it out on, and share their insecurities with.
Oh beautiful energy... OWN YOUR OWN POWER!
well, i can't really say i can relate to all your problems, but one thing i can say is that by posting this up, you are a step closer to what you want, (why?), because 1) you want to change and 2) you know you want something better in life...and those 2 things are completely a normal thing to feel.
what YOU might not understand is that accidents happen, and by reflecting on them, will make you stronger. (why?) recall, if an apple didn't fall on Newtons head, there will be no gravity.
-the point is, any accidents or wrong doing in life are huge factors to contribute to your success. the key word here is SUCCESS, embraced these words and go march forward. PS> o ya, dont forget to smile !
i can relate to feeling like you don't fit in. i have never fit in all my life. so i can relate to that. even when i have tried to fit in, i ALWAYS get rejected. i just have horrible luck. :(
Arguing with what is = suffering.
Appreciating what is = the beginning of real love.
So I don't advise you to alter your life to find happiness. I advise you to discover the happiness that is already here.
When you stop resisting life, and be present in the here and now, happiness is revealed.
This is the highest teaching, be OK with what is.