How can I be sincerely happy?!
Question: Well... I've been going through a lot... heartbreak, family troubles, economic problems, loneliness, depression, etc. (I'm making it sound 10X less than I feel it for the sake of being brief). In any case... I was feeling very happy in a pseudo-relationship I was in... but now that I'm out of it for sure and for causes way beyond me... or him... that one thing that was keeping me sane this time (his love) just vanished... and I have no foundations anymore. How the hell do I find value of myself. I'm sorry... but I'm not very religious or spiritual... so don't try that. How can I find true happiness? What is it based on? Do I need a relationship? Do I need stability? Do I need to be problemless to be happy? Do I need to fit in? Do I need to "be myself"? What does that mean? Anyone have one of those commonsensical, cliche type of answers? Anyone have true wisdom? Anyone have a list of steps? Anyone can help?
Answers: Well... I've been going through a lot... heartbreak, family troubles, economic problems, loneliness, depression, etc. (I'm making it sound 10X less than I feel it for the sake of being brief). In any case... I was feeling very happy in a pseudo-relationship I was in... but now that I'm out of it for sure and for causes way beyond me... or him... that one thing that was keeping me sane this time (his love) just vanished... and I have no foundations anymore. How the hell do I find value of myself. I'm sorry... but I'm not very religious or spiritual... so don't try that. How can I find true happiness? What is it based on? Do I need a relationship? Do I need stability? Do I need to be problemless to be happy? Do I need to fit in? Do I need to "be myself"? What does that mean? Anyone have one of those commonsensical, cliche type of answers? Anyone have true wisdom? Anyone have a list of steps? Anyone can help?
A very wise Buddhist leader once told me, "Happiness is a crock of ****. It never sticks around and most people waste far too much of their lives chasing it. Cultivate peace instead. Then, when happiness shows up, you will experience it as joy. When it leaves, which it will, you will be grateful that it came, and not resentful of it's leaving. Happiness seeks those who do not seek it, and stays longest with those who do not cling.
I personally believe that you don't have to be problemless to be happy, nor is a relationship a necessary (friendship would be of great help, but not for intimate relationship). The most immediate ways can simply be just doing something that you enjoy doing, whether by yourself or with some others, e.g. cooking, jogging, "singing like nobody's listening, dance like nobody's watching" etc. Also, music has shown to have quite an influence on one's moods for many people. Classical music, can be soothing, esp. Mozard and Bach, if you're into them. Sometimes if you feel that people around you always let you down, make you feel worse, it's ok to be by yourself for some time. Fitting in migh help to make you happier, "sense of belonging" as they say. Being yourself is a good idea too, just "let me be", no pretense, no facade when with being with people. So long as you're not hurting anyone, just be yourself, people'll like you for who you are. But always remember that there's no way you can get everyone to like you, because humans are complex beings. A pet might help too, if you don't like the idea of sweeping up balls of fur in your house, or being woken up with barking, a goldfish would do too.
Bottom line, enjoy the simplicity of life. Look around you, and you'll find small things in your daily life that'd cheer you up just as well, no need for flowers from boyfriend, surprises from friends etc. Cheers! : )
First of all, never ever ever, think that happiness can be found in anyone or anything but yourself. Depending on other things or other people to make you happy is a big NO NO. You must make you happy. I was like you are for a very long time. I lost a boyfriend who was actually makeing it worse. I depended on him to find what made me happy, and really it made me miserable, it took me away from things I loved and people I loved. What you must do is concentrate only on you. What do you love, but not do anymore. Stop concentrating on money, or on what other's think you should do or become. Focus truely on you. It may take a long while, and you may need to go through some more rough times before you find you and what makes you happy. But once it happens, it stays for a lifetime. Goodluck.
"Spirit lifts up, releases, frees and comforts us collectively and individually. It is often our only refuge and friend." Quotation by Andrew Weil
A few years ago I was in the same spot as you are now. I had no where to turn and felt very alone, worthless and hopeless. I know these words don't properly convey what you are feeling, but in lack of better ones they will have to do.
I know it is very controversial and to some sound even immature but I prayed that Jesus would help me. It was a very simple prayer, mostly because I didn't have a lot of experience with that kind of thing. To make a long story short, (here is the cliche) a dramatic change happened in my life. I began to value myself and gained the strength to forgive myself because God had already forgiven me. At the bottom of all my hurts I just wanted to be loved. When I began to pray to Jesus he showed me that he could fill that need in a way that I didn't know was possible. I am sorry for preaching Friend. I don't mean to offend anyone but if you really want to be free and whole please just ask him to help you.
He is more than just an imaginary friend for adults. I am the proof.
For starters, you have to put yourself first in any situation. You should never rely on a another person to bring happiness into you life. People will walk all over you and treat you like crap if they feel that it benefits them in any way. You should take care of all of your personal problems before you look to someone else for support. No one likes to deal with the baggage of another person because they usually have some type of baggage of their own. I would say that you should work on your finances, depression, and your family before you do anything. You should especially work on your family problems because your family is your foundation. They are usually there for you when no one else is. Their your rock, their your foundation. You began with them and you should end with them. Always do things to fix your issues before you try to enter into someone else's life because if you don't, you will end up with your same problems you had before hand plus the problems you incurred while you were involved with that other person. You will then have a bigger mess on your hands than what you started with. Best wishes.
I like you am going threw alot as well. keep in mind it can always be worse then what it is. For an example my bestfriend is a addict. It's bad on what she does and i want to get her help but i cant thats somehting she has to do. It can be worse because she gave me a place to stay and she can be dead right now and i can be out on the street for all i know i can be dead because of it as well.
Anyway to answer your questions
Ignore any kind of serious relationship with you depressed it wont help either of you to be in one. Apart from a relationship what would make YOU feel better to get you mind off things...going out with friends. joining a club of some kind, do something so you arent sitting around the house...if thats what you do...As far as the relationship goes...like i said if you are depressed your partner will also get to that point and leave ya...Depression is somehting that doesnt just go away because you are in a relationship. **** happends you can't control it. What can help with the drepression though is talking to your doctor and have him perscribe you an anti-depressant. I'm suppose to be on that but i personal have bad reactions to it like nightmares and stuff. That also goes by the person as well. Happyness doesnt come easy. You have to work on that but no one person has full happyness because there is no perfect person. I highly sigest at least get out and do stuff to keep your mind off. Don't go into a relationship until you go on ani-depressants or go to a social worker to talk about your problems they might give you something different to deal with stuff. Getting out and getting your mind off stuff does wonders. Like i said about my friend doing drugs i stop thinking about it by going out with friends but its always ganna be there when i go back home until she gets help.
We all have our ups and downs but dont forget it can always be worse then what the situation really is
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