When i get upset i hurt myself?!
Question: i cannot control it and i do not feel the pain im afraid i will go too far and kill myself im 26 and about to be a father but feel little for its imminent birth it feels like im two people one of reason one an uncontrolable force ive quit weed after 14 years and a 12 month binge of ice all cold turkey ive been depressed all my life i first tried when i was 9 with datura, belladonna random toadstools and 1 litre of disinfectant i know i dont want to die but i cant stop please someone am i alone does anyone care no references to god please i do not believe this will not change
Answers: i cannot control it and i do not feel the pain im afraid i will go too far and kill myself im 26 and about to be a father but feel little for its imminent birth it feels like im two people one of reason one an uncontrolable force ive quit weed after 14 years and a 12 month binge of ice all cold turkey ive been depressed all my life i first tried when i was 9 with datura, belladonna random toadstools and 1 litre of disinfectant i know i dont want to die but i cant stop please someone am i alone does anyone care no references to god please i do not believe this will not change
You are not alone in this, please believe that. Is there anyone you feel you can talk to about this? I know that is terrifying when you feel that your self harm is out of your control and that you could go too far without even wanting to. I know if because it is the same fear I have. When I self harm I tend to do it in a dissociative state, so I usually feel very detatched from the 'me' that is hurting myself, and totally powerless to stop it. Is that similar to what you are feeling?
If you have not already done so, I would urge you to seek professional help with this. That could really benefit you and after all this time of suffering with depression there must be nothing you want than relief from it all. The right treatment, whether that be meds, therapy or a mixture of both could provide you with that relief. Well done for quitting the weed, was that your way of self-medicating? Its a good thing to do, coming off the drugs but you need to make sure you have a good support system in place to help you now.
If nothing else help, you could try emailing the samaritans for advise and just somebody to talk to . I email them as I hate using phones and also find it almost impossible to tell people what is going on in my head. Writing it down is easier. I have been using their email service over the last few days and I have found it very helpful. The help they can offer is limited but sometimes it is just good to talk and it has seen me through what might have been a real crisis if I had had to go it alone.
I hope you find the help and support you need. You deserve much more than to suffer like this. For one thing, you deserve to be looking forward to the birth of your child and sharing in all the joy fatherhood can bring you, instead of feeling nothing. Best of luck xxx
Why don't you tell someone about it, mister? Maybe your wife or mother, and then see if you cn get some professional help.
go to a psychiatrist and talk to them. they help
Your positiion is difficult at the moment. Cold turkey of drugs and the stress of being a father to be. I am familiar with having to wrestle with two aspects of myself, one the voice of reason and the other the voice of despair. For your depression you should see a doctor who can assist you and may also be able to get you in to a drug rehab program. I have been on a methadone program and it does work, provided your commitment holds.
Being almost a father changes you position in life. As a father another person will be totally dependent on your for love, shelter and food, but also for assurance of their place in the world and their unassailable right to be. It is a daunting responsibility that I have myself.
When my children asked if I was going to die because I smoked, and they were serious about it, then I quit immediately, never touched another from then on (rumor has it I was a bit of a pain at the time).
Children can strengthen your spirit and your will to be the best that you can. If sometimes that is not great then you have the responsibility to seek help. That is not a sign of weakness, just something you need to do.
Being a parent is about self sacrifice for the most wondrous rewards you could image, not just their smiles, but as they grow confident in who they are and become individuals, well that is an amazing reward.
I encourage you to seek assistance to work out the issues in your life, the depression, the drugs and the self harm, before the child is borne, not only for the child, but also for yourself for your own well being and a better chance at life.
Be safe, be sage
CandiG
I have cut myself in the past and struggled with suicide too.
I'm so sorry you are in such pain and turmoil, especially with a baby on the way.
Your body and mind are still probably reacting to the change in chemicals from quitting weed. It is probably giving you a very hard time. It takes longer than a month to recover from a 14 year habit. and the last year was over the top drugwise.
Please hold on and don't do something you can't undo, you matter and the tiny child about to be born matters. Even if you think, "I'll be a lousy father, he/she's better off without me" That's wrong, a bad father sure beats no father at all - 96% of the time.
Things can get better. I kicked my drug habit May 7, 2003. I was a pain pill addict. Its not the same, but it is too. It was rotten at first, I felt bad all the time and it took a while . It is SO MUCH BETTER NOW! It keeps improving.
You don't have to do anything else right now except HOLD ON. Just HOLD ON and WAIT. Give yourself time to feel better and to meet your child.
If you die now, the mom of your baby will always hurt and wonder, Is it my fault he died? Your child will always wonder is it my fault? did he kill himself because of me? You don't want to do that to them no matter how angry you feel inside over your life.
I know about the pain and the feelings of despair. FEELINGS ARE NOT REALITY. I want you to know that I care about you. I saw your question and my heart just hurts for your misery, especially because I know that this is not all there is to life - there is more. Please don't hurt yourself.
I've struggled more than some in this life and I've made all kinds of mistakes, but I'm still here. One good reason I survived my despair is so I could tell you there is more to life and it will get better.
Someday you may save someone's life by the words you write to answer their question, just like I'm trying to here. I care.