Hospital visit?!
Question: I love my boyfriend, we have a very good relationship and have been together a long time. He told me when we first started dating that he has depression and there have been some difficult times, but we've gotten through them. Yesterday though he had to be admitted into the psych ward in the hospital. He wants me to visit him, he says I make him feel better and safe. I asked my parents for advice and they dont think I should go, they actually think I should start distancing myself from him to eventually break up. But I feel like he needs my support and with the help of his family and me he could get better.
I'm still young though and I'm wondering if I should keep stay because I love him or if I should listen to my parents.
Any advice is greatly appreciated, I'm kind of freaked out about the whole thing.
Answers: I love my boyfriend, we have a very good relationship and have been together a long time. He told me when we first started dating that he has depression and there have been some difficult times, but we've gotten through them. Yesterday though he had to be admitted into the psych ward in the hospital. He wants me to visit him, he says I make him feel better and safe. I asked my parents for advice and they dont think I should go, they actually think I should start distancing myself from him to eventually break up. But I feel like he needs my support and with the help of his family and me he could get better.
I'm still young though and I'm wondering if I should keep stay because I love him or if I should listen to my parents.
Any advice is greatly appreciated, I'm kind of freaked out about the whole thing.
It is scary when someone you loves has a mental illness.
I know many people with depression. I stay their friend. If my boyfriend had depression problems, which I think everyone has at one time in their lives, I would support him.
Depression is a hard thing. I wouldn't go by what someone else tells you to do. Do you want to break up with him? Do what you feel is right in your heart. You cannot heal someone, but you can be there for them. Support is a great thing to have.
http://depression.about.com/od/seekinghe...
Sort Out the Facts from the Myths
Put yourself in their shoes. Learn what depression feels like, the misconceptions about mental illness that they must deal with, and get the facts about what depression really is.
Remember to Take Care of Yourself
Feelings of depression are contagious. Periodically take some time to step back from the situation and recharge your batteries.
Be There for Them
Give them a shoulder to cry on or just listen while they spill out their hearts to you. Be patient with them. Let them know that you care. Share the things you've learned while researching depression. Let them know it's not their fault, that they're not weak or worthless.
6. Don't Take It Personally
Remember that the depressed person's behavior isn't indicative of the "real" person. The depressed person has impaired social skills. They may be withdrawn and shy or sullen and angry. When the depressed person lashes out in anger, it's because they're actually angry with themselves and the way they feel. When your spouse or significant other doesn't feel like having sex, don't take it personally. Loss of sex drive is a classic symptom of depression. It doesn't mean they don't love you.
7. Help Out Around the House
Depressed people aren't lazy. They're ill. Everyday activities like cleaning house, paying bills, or feeding the dog may seem overwhelming to them. You may have to take up the slack for them for awhile. Just like if they had the flu, they simply don't feel up to it.
8. Treatment Is Important
Medications and therapy are crucial to their recovery. Help keep them on track with treatment. Help to ease their fears about treatment by letting them know that they're not crazy. If they're suicidal, you may need to seek immediate help. There are some valuable suicide resources on the Internet that can help you to help your loved cope during times of crisis.
More: Learn About Depression Treatments
9. Offer Hope
Offer hope in whatever form they will accept it. This could be their faith in God, their love of their children, or anything else that makes them want to go on living. Find what works best for them and remind them of it whenever they're not sure they can hang on any longer.
10. Love Them Unconditionally
Love them unconditionally and let me know it's their illness you're frustrated with, not them.
what is your age? I think he needs you more now than ever...
You need to do what feels right. Try not to let people influence your decisions. This is a difficult one, the only advice I can really think of is to go with what feels right. Good luck to you.
do what you think is right in your own mind. if you love him, go. dont do what other people tell you, and dont go just because "he needs you"
That happened to me once. I finally distanced myself because I knew in my heart I couldn't live with it for the rest of my life. Turned out he used his 'illness' as an excuse for everything. Maybe that's not your case, but you need to do what makes you happy. Any doubts you may have, talk to your parents. Good luck.
As humans, we should always help one another. People forget that and only think of their own comfort. Fortunately there are kind people like you and myslef. I've been in your situation and he's now 100% cured because of the help I gave him. I know this is vague, but follow your heart.
leave him it is not worth it unless your already maried leave
my uncle lived with same thing for 6 years it dosent work ended up devoriced leave tell him if he gets beter you may be friends dont asociate with this type it will only get you verry badly hurt dont say i didnt tell you
I think you should drop him and tell him its for his own good. Thats what they tell him to do in therapy anyway. Do him a favor and dump him.
Why would you want to break up with him for having an illness he can't control? What if he had cancer? Would you dump him for that too? Depression is an illness! It's a chemical imbalance in the brain. He needs medication and therapy to help control it, but he CAN get better! If this is the only bad thing you can say about him then I don't understand how you or your parents could behave this way. What if you were the one suffering with depression? How would you feel if he wanted to dump you for simply being ill? To not visit him is a cruel thing too. He needs support. If you're not willing to give it to him, then maybe it is best to cut all ties with him. Let him find someone else who is able to be there for him and understands that it's an illness he can't just wish away.
you sound like you really love him. and in your mind your stuck between your parents and your own opinion.depression happens all the time. its not uncommen at all. your boyfriend has depression and think about how depressed he would be if you left him?. yea upsetting for you right,?now put yourself in his position. i think he loves you very much and he would never want you to leave him. especially in this time of his life. I really do think thth if you stay with him, you could change things around. he would not be as depressed if he had someone to support him. i think you shuld stay with him.
really start talking to your parents about it. mabey they will except him and even help out in his time of need/
Nothing like kicking someone when they are down...or breaking up with them while they are in the mental hospital!
It all depends on what's wrong with him. I'd have a talk with his parents and find out what's going on and the prognosis of his recovery.
Mental illness is just that...an illness. If he had pneumonia, would you be freaked out? Probably not. Right now his brain is sick. Moral support is very important.
I'd have a talk with his parents...get all the information you can and then you can make an informed decision on what to do. Depression and other mental illnesses can be treated with no problem.
However, if he's a true wack job or a budding serial killer, I'd probably think about ending it...very gently!
well you could take everyone's opinions in but at the end of the day its up to you!
you could maybe compromise, stay with him help him get better and see if things improve, you obviously love him!
unfortunately you cant go through life without hitting some barriers along the way, this may very well make your relationship stronger, just think about how he would feel at this moment in his life if you left him and also how would you feel, good luck and best wishes
Has his depression been under control until now? If this episode is a one time thing, he might be, overall, dealing with it well. If he's every now and then had bouts of depression and this is just the latest episode, then you need to only be friends with him. He is not stable enough to be boyfriend matter.
Be truthful to yourself. Think 5 years in the future with him as your husband. Will your marriage be rocky, a constant roller-coaster based on his depression? Or are you both happy in yourselves and in your relationship? That says it all.
Regardless of whether you hurt him or not, being a girlfriend to someone who isn't stable, isn't good for him or you. He'll be abnormally dependent on you, more a son than a boyfriend, and you'll have cut yourself off from finding a real, stable bf. You can tell him you can be his friend but not his gf.
Our daughter suffers from depression. It began when she was in her first year of college and has persisted now for more than 20 years. She has good times and bad times. She takes her medication regularly but often just the smallest upset can trigger an attack. Countless boyfriends have come and gone because they couldn't live with the highs/lows roller coaster. Personally, if you can be supportive without being an enabler, then I would say go see him. But perhaps you might like to do some research ahead of time on just how to "help" and not "enable". There is a very fine line there. And for the long haul, if he's over 25, I'd say find a way to end it with him. Otherwise you will be repeating this scenario over and over and over.
Depends on if he has Bipolar ? If he can be a danger to you? No. If you love him and are 18 yrs old or older- and you feel safe with him and he needs you, you should be with him.
depends how long you've been with this guy.
if he is often treated in house, maybe step back and evaluate your relationship.
your parents do have a valid point as to what you may be letting yourself in for the future.
ask yourself deep down do you want to spend the rest of your life with a man ill, it rubs off you know.
And i do feel sorry for him as he cannot help it.
again are you strong enough to take this man on with his illness, now its entirely up to you. and you alone.
good luck with which option you choose
x
It is true that you are very young but I think you are old enough to make this decision for yourself. I am certain your parents have your best interests at heart, as any good parents would, but they can't always know what is best for you. Only you know how you feel about your boyfriend. Do you love him? If you do, then I think the best thing to do is go and visit him. Support him as best you can but make sure you also have support for yourself.
If you do not see a future for yourself and this boy then it would be kinder for both of you if end things.
Depression is the issue. Making anyone {FEEL} better is not the answer to the problem. The depression or the cause thereof must be treated. when one suffers with depression they are depressed no matter who is there or who is gone. If or when someone starts holding up anyone, not only is depression the problem the one holding them up becomes a crutch. We now have a depressed person depending on their crutch to hold them up and get them past whatever it is they either refuse to deal with or are now unable to walk through because they now must depend on the Crutch to help them walk. I don't know if dumping this fellow is the right choice but a choice which must be made is that BF must start dealing with this depression issue and coming to terms with it on his own. When you and he first started he had this problem. So this is something you did not bring into the relationship. It has been a long time and it appears that the problem still exist to the point that he had been admitted for mental health concerns. Distance is good advise from your parents. I do not know if they can tell you why you should put some space between you and BF but if they knew what to tell you it should be if you really want to help BF get to the bottom of his depression he must be made to understand it is up to him to improve and to find the road to freedom. Assist from afar.