Serious question (Im sorry to have to ask)?!
Question: Is there anyone on here with a terminal illness or experience of a close family member passing after a long illness?
My father is dying of pancreatic cancer and we are now in his last few weeks. He doesnt like to talk about the fact that his time is nearly up. We all are praying for a miracle but we have all come to terms with the fact that it is the end. He is only in his forties so it was a shock for him to be suddenly faced with this. I just want to be able to understand how he is feeling being faced with his mortality so I can be of some use to him when he is down. Even though different people deal differently with this I would like to hear from someone who is maybe dealing with this.
Im really sorry to have to ask this question...Hope I havent offended anyone.
Answers: Is there anyone on here with a terminal illness or experience of a close family member passing after a long illness?
My father is dying of pancreatic cancer and we are now in his last few weeks. He doesnt like to talk about the fact that his time is nearly up. We all are praying for a miracle but we have all come to terms with the fact that it is the end. He is only in his forties so it was a shock for him to be suddenly faced with this. I just want to be able to understand how he is feeling being faced with his mortality so I can be of some use to him when he is down. Even though different people deal differently with this I would like to hear from someone who is maybe dealing with this.
Im really sorry to have to ask this question...Hope I havent offended anyone.
Well i will said don feel sorry for him because that makes him feel no good , he knows what is happening to him just be there and talk to him about every thing memories etc, make him smile an have a good time . Let him manage the conversations and work around that . not a good idea to cried in from of him or any one because that make him feel sorry and you don want that . Hi will tell you in the right time or moment about his feelings . or maybe not ( Not to worried)Be strong and that will make him proud of you . He always will be with you after hi is not longer in a physical world.with us .
Praying is always good for him and for all of you.
I lost my mom on my birthday January 24 a year a go. I hope this will help you.I am doing fine.
Just let him know that he is loved. He most likely knows its the end even if he doesnt want to talk about it...but just dont act like its the end....try to stay positive, every goes sometime even thought you might think it is way to early. I dont know if you believe in God or not but i do believe he has a plan for everyone. Just stay strong and let him know he is going to be ok (if he lives or if he does not).
That's so sad! I'm really sorry... My great grandmother died of bone marrow cancer and everyone said she was a great person except I never really knew her - everyone said that in her last weeks she stayed as happy as she could, remembering everyone she could - she was only 47 too. I'm sorry if I offended you. I think you should stay with him till the end, keeping him happy. I'm sorry.
I am sorry hun!! I went through the same thing with my grandfater(had cancer of the intestines that took over his entire body) and grandmother (had copd suffered for years) It is always hard but just live and love him the most you possably can he prolly does not want to talk about it because he knows it upsets you and your family he prolly thinks it is best for you guys!! That is all you can do is spend as much time with him talk about good times you have had and anything in general... Again I am sorry hun, I know how you feel...
hey yea I'm so sorry to hear that my brother passed away a few months ago from HD (Huntington's disease ) and now my mom only has a few months left. i don't think u could ever understand how he feels unless ur in the same position just be there for him ill pray for ur family good luck
I'm truly sorry for you and for your family. There is the way to extend life for few more weeks Talk to him about good things make him laught.
It will help a if he can go outside then go do things he likes.
Make it best time for him (Make him laugh it really helps)
It happen to my friends friend doctor said she had few days left.
But she lived few weeks because her family make it best days for her.
first how old are you?
My mom died after a fairly lonh illness when we the kids were 12 and 6. My mom never let us know she was terminally ill. It has made me very andgry and upset now as an adult that she did not want to shere this with me and never say a real good by. I was 12 so I think I was old enough. My dad never told us either until the day she died.
so I am wondering if she as a religious person left all that in God's hands, iof course no one was sure if and when she would die, but she was very ill with kidney failure before there was dialysis.
so it is either that she wanted to see us as we were and that we woul find out soon enough, and maybe she could not handle the stress of having us all upset. These are so mnay issues at a time like thT
i WOULD GENTLY ask your dad how he was feeling but men are often not good at this type of thing. You can ask him if he wants to talk about anything specific, old memories, his dreams for your futurem you knwo gentle hints you woule like him to open up. But it may be too much for a man emotionally.
I am truely sorry you are having to go thru this but at least you can see him and you can start to accept the fact the he will be going to a better place - he is not feeling well. He is going home, in case you are religious
God bless
Naah... it's a good question.
My dad died of a heart attack but before it was a long bout with hypertension. My mom died of breast cancer.
In the beginning, they will feel bitter and angry. They feel life is not fair and there are many things they want to do. Everything ticks them off like a sensitive bomb. Reality starts to sink in.
Eventually they will either accept the fact or just give up. They surrender to their fate. This is when the bitterness fades into hopelessness. They would enjoy the simple things.
Finally one the final stages they will learn to accept that this is life. That when the time comes, it waits for no one. They will do everything they can to finish unfinished business and say their farewells.
What is important to them is you act normally. Joke with them, talk with them, do not act like you're pitying them. Do not be gloomy or show too much pain and sorrow as this will add to theirs. Never avoid the subject when it comes and always treat them like before they were found out to have this illness.
Good luck.
First, I'm so sorry to hear of your Dad's illness. My uncle, whom I was very close to, passed away after a 2 year illness, during his last 6 months or so, he was very ill and hospitalized the entire time.
Your dad sounds just like my uncle did - he didn't want to talk about it - I mean not at all. I visited my uncle days, and fed him lunch most days because he'd lost use of his arms. I couldn't imagine how humiliating it was for him to have me feed him. We talked about vacations we'd all taken together, his love of cars - whatever he wanted to talk about.
In retrospect, the best thing I did was to not break down in front of him. I told him every day how much I loved him, he knew why, but I feel like I was just there for everything he needed. He acted the same way with my aunt (his wife).
We did all take 1 day to say goodbye, although we didnt use the term goodbye, everyone knew what it was for. But most importantly, we let me uncle talk about what he needed to talk about, and let him lead us into conversation he wanted to have. Make sure you say everything to him that YOU need to say.
Talk about anything to him but never talk about his problem and what soon will happen. Just treat him as it is a normal illness that temporally disabled him. Of course also avoid talking about the unknow future but all about other people in the family with daily problems. But i am also worried about u after when it's all over, i hope people will give u right hug and perfect support. Sorry to hear about your dad
Don't be sorry! Not everyone can afford to pay for someone to talk to. I can tell you from experience that cancer is a TERRIBLE thing. A scary statistic on my side of the fence is that both of my grandma's and great grandma's have had, and lost the battle with cancer. I have only had one relative who was actually given a time-frame...but once that happens, all you can really do is stress the fact that you love him/her, talk about memorable moments that meant a lot between the two of you, and if you have anything that you need to get off your chest, make sure that you do....my grandma was not speaking when she passed on, but I kept talking anyway and said what I needed to say. Even though she is gone, I am thankful that I was able to stress that I loved her and told her about how I will continue utilizing each and everything that I have learned from her. Keep your head up and try to focus on the now with your dad. Spend time with him, even if it is just sitting with him while he rests, and know that you did everything that you could to help ease his suffering.
being so young, what's likely on his mind most is 'how will the family do without me?'..... if you can find ways to ease his mind about that, he'll feel a little better.... if he is refusing to face the final outcome, then go with how he is reacting.... take each day as it comes, be and act as 'usual' as possible, but with a little more care and concern that you normally would..... encourage him to laff... be funny... go over old times that were fun or important... TALK!!!..... just don't dwell on the illness.... if he wants to talk about it, he will.... if not, then he doesn't need to.... if he's a church goer, you might invite a few good friends from there to sit with him occasionally, but not constantly..... if he has a very good buddy, that buddy will do wonders for him if he can visit...... (my hubby's best pal was dying of brain cancer and hubby's visit, NC to Kansas, was a huge help to both of them!)..... more than anything else, let him know that his life was important here..... thank him for raising you and giving you his best..... if he feels that he did something useful with his life, he'll feel better, too....
get a book by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross..."On death and dying".... it will help you a huge bunch to understand and cope...
I'm sorry... he's so young .... my thoughts are with you all....
I am very sorry that you are having to go through this at such an early age. It is very hard to lose someone that close to you. Spend as much time with your dad as you can and try not to talk about death or the end for him. I am sure it is weighing very heavy on him. Try to make the most of his last days for him. You could play games with him or watch his favorite movies or listen to music whatever your dad is into try to experience it with him. Let him know how much you love him and dont let this keep you from living. Death is inevitable for everyone. I am sooooo sorry for you and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
I'm really sorry for this happening to you all. I understand you for last week I lost 2 persons I very much appreciated in my life.
Death is our worst enemy and we all feel so little before it.
Some people are scared of death because they don't know what will come after. And don't have hope of something good happening once they are dead.
When God created Man and Woman, it was not in God's plan to have them die. He did warn the perfect couple that disobedience would bring death unto them.
Unfortunately our first parents voluntarily disobeyed God , therefore loosing eternal life on this earth and be bound to sickness, old age and death.
What is death? The Holy Scripture describe death like this in Eccl 9:5 and 10, "For the living are conscious that they will die; but as for the dead, they are conscious of nothing at all, neither do they anymore have wages, because the remembrance of them has been forgotten.......10, All that your hands finds to do, do with your very power, for there is no work nor devising, nor knowledge, nor wisdom in She"ol, the place to which you go."
So when you die you just go back to dust as was told Adam after sinning.
But rejoice, this is not the end. Remember, God did not creat man in order to see them die. If it weren't for our first parent's sin, death and sickness would never have existed. Adam and Eve would still be living today and maybe be your best friends.
This is why God sent us his beloved Son Jesus Christ, to abolish death by giving up his perfect body as a randsom so one day, which is very soon according to Bible prophecies, we will regain eternal life on this earth.
John 17:3 says, "This means everlasting life, their taking in knowledge of you, the only true God, and of the one whom you sent forth, Jesus Christ."
You may say, "Thats nice, but what about my Dad? What's in it for him?
Well rejoice, for Jesus said in John 5:28,29 , "Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice (Jesus's) and come out.....
And Acts 24:15 also talks about the resurrection to come. It says, "And I have hope toward God, which hope these men themselves also entertain, that there is going to be a resurrection of both the righteous and the unrighteous."
Will our beloved ones resurrect to later die again? No, because at that time God will have destroyed death (remember that Jesus paid the price to buy us back from death by dying for us) Adam our first father gave us the horrible gift of death. This is what Rom 5:12 says, "That is why, just as through one man sin entered into the world and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men because they had all sinned."
But Jesus, whom we can call our second father, or the second Adam, gave us back the gift of everlasting life. We read this in 1 Cor 15:22, "For since death is through a man, (Adam) resurrection of the dead is also through a man (Jesus). For just as in Adam all are dying, so also in the Christ all will be made alive." and in verse 45 we read, "It is even so written: "The first man Adam became a living soul." The last Adam became a life-giving spirit."
On day soon God will say what is written in Revelation 21:3,4. It states, "With that I heard a loud voice from the throne say: "Look! The tent of God is with MANKIND, and he will reside with them, and they will be his peoples. And God himself will be with them. And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more,neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away."
Go to WWW.WATCHTOWER.ORG and you can look at the different books or magasines that you would like to receive. Some you can read online. There is one brochure that in 1994 was printed in 8 million (the number is way higher today) copies and it has helped many who are mourning. It is titled WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE DIES.
Then there is this brochure titled DOES GOD REALLY CARE (If so, why does he allow suffering? Will it end one day) also printed in millions of copies. Feel free to visit the site.
Hope this has made you feel better. Try sharing this with your father and family members. Hope strengthens and helps us feel better. Death is death and it hurts. Even Jesus cried when his friend Lazarus died (even if he knew he was going to resurrect him in the minutes to come) So hope does not take away the empitiness of loosing the one we love, but it gives us hope that one day they will be resurrected. The loss is not definit.
awe bless you all my mum has been very ill and its not looking good for her too but being there for them is the only thing we can do be brave and hide the tears as your dad would not like that so young and this is the time when dad wants to be there for you ask him does he want some spiritual comfort and also let him know not to be afraid and that you are always with him try to be as normal as possible yes very hard but dad wants to know about these things how well you are doing reading the news paper and watching TV together is he in the hospice?or at home and make sure he is not in pain?by letting the doctor or McMillan nurse know also there is money that can be immediately released due to dads condition and the doctor should do this for you?I know you are not thinking of that but this will enable you to get dad what he needs and dad is entitled to this money,I really feel for you keep up with your prayers and try to be Strong take care and god bless you
I have been through this situation a little over 2 years ago, my Mom passed away from Lung Cancer, we all knew that she was not going to make it, but we still had our hopes. It is very difficult to deal with and no one really knows how; you just need to be there for your father no matter what happens, be yourself. Do not be afraid to show your emotions or even talk to him about the way you are feeling. My Mom was very upset with all of us kids (until she blew up at us), she wanted us to talk to her about the way we were feeling because than it helped her to talk to us more also. Do the best to be there for him and he will do the same. It doesn't get better, it is very hard; just hang in there. Good Luck. Don't ever be sorry to ask a question.
Some good answers: this is for later: print, or save in FAVORITES/BOOKMARKS. Just a thought: it might be an idea to order these books now, so you will be prepared, if remission doesn't occur. GRIEF: Go to http://www.mind.org.uk/ and type "grief" in the taskbar, and enter. Call: (U.S.A.) 1800 445 4808, or Hospice (phone book). Email jo@samaritans.org Chatrooms and forums: http://www.chatmag.com/topics/health/gri... and http://talkingminds.15.forumer.com/ and http://messageboards.ivillage.com/ Other websites: http://www.griefnet.org/ and http://www.helpguide.org/ and http://www.mental-health-abc.com/ and http://www.boblivingstone.com/?q=node30 Understand that there are often several stages of grief.
The stages are:
Denial: The initial stage: "It can't be happening."
Anger: "Why ME? It's not fair?!" (either referring to God, oneself, or anybody perceived, rightly or wrongly, as "responsible")
Bargaining: "Just let me live to see my son graduate."
Depression: "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"
Acceptance: "It's going to be OK."
K