My girlfriend at 28 no longer seems herself...?!


Question: We have lived together for 2 years and have just moved in to a condo out from an apartment 2 weeks ago, she got fired from her job about 1 week ago...yet for the last month and a half or so things have been bad. Bad meaning kisses or anything emotional stopped, she constantly tries to manipulate me into buying things neither of us need (for both of us) with my money (she has virtually none left). She also tries to insult me a lot about everything from my hair to my ability to do things she has seen me do for the 2+ years we've been together (IE lift her up, roller-blade, find my own way to places...) I never give in but I am sick of having to fight back every evening.

My question is why? I have actually gotten more fit over time and my job keeps getting better. My father claims she is just depressed and trying to improve her sense of self-esteem as a woman by being at least successful (as a manipulator). But I want to know what I can do to help stop this...


Answers: We have lived together for 2 years and have just moved in to a condo out from an apartment 2 weeks ago, she got fired from her job about 1 week ago...yet for the last month and a half or so things have been bad. Bad meaning kisses or anything emotional stopped, she constantly tries to manipulate me into buying things neither of us need (for both of us) with my money (she has virtually none left). She also tries to insult me a lot about everything from my hair to my ability to do things she has seen me do for the 2+ years we've been together (IE lift her up, roller-blade, find my own way to places...) I never give in but I am sick of having to fight back every evening.

My question is why? I have actually gotten more fit over time and my job keeps getting better. My father claims she is just depressed and trying to improve her sense of self-esteem as a woman by being at least successful (as a manipulator). But I want to know what I can do to help stop this...

I agree with most of what's already been said. From another perspective though, she might be afraid you are outgrowing her. This makes sense if you think about it.

1 :She says she loves you and fears losing you
2: She thinks you might be out growing her, and she fears abandonment
3. Because she thinks you might leave, she is angry
4. Because she is angry and thinks you will leave, she acts in a hostile manner to protect herself--she will be able to tell herself that she's better off once it happens
5. She doesn't want to lose you-thus the sex -she thinks that will keep you around
6. Because she is feeling bad about herself and the relationship, she can't enjoy the physical intamacy because it is more out of fear, and many women can't enjoy the pysical side while having that emotion conflict or disconnect.

She should still probably see someone to make sure she isn't depressed though.

Since you're both lived-in together, she may be frustrated by the fact that you are the only one now bringing the bacon, (she got fired didn't she?) and may have thoguht, that you have the money sincs ur job gets better that's why she buys stuff you don't need.

What you can do to stop it is go to a pshyciatrist or a counselor, after that, help her find a job, or help her invest in your own business.

A sudden change like this can be a couple of things. The first thing that comes to mind is drugs. A change in behavior like this could also be a mental health issue. Talk to her family and friends and ask if they have scene a change. If everyone agress someone needs to sit down and talk to her and see if they can get more info. You may even need to consult her doctor, and see if you can get her to see a therapist.

She probably doesn't even realize that she's being manipulative.. She probably just hit a rough spot and thinks that she can make herself feel better by buying things.
If she has been a good girlfriend up to this point, I think you should sit down and ask her what the problem is. Tell her that you support her, but don't approve of the way she has been treating you.

She definately sounds like she is depressed. Moving while id doens't seem like it can be stressful and obviousally so can losing your job. People with depression can and will often "take it out" on people around them. It's not fair, but it's true.

I think that sitting down and having a talk with her and perhaps suggest going to counseling by herself or together might help. Even going to the Dr. and getting on anti-depressants for a short while could help.

There is nothing stopping her from getting up with you then going out and hitting the pavement looking for a job other than the depression. Then she wouldn't have to wake up to an empty house. I think if she can deal with the depression things will get much better.

Hang in there, obviousally you care about this person, but you can't fix her problems for her all you can do is try to help her even if that means letting her know that she might need more help than you can give alone.

Now I aint no psychologist but I reckon that this might be what is going on.

Well it seems to me that she is depressed. She probably seems to think that you will leave her because, after having lost her job, a stable element in her life, she feels, perhaps subconsciously, that you, the other stable part of her life, will leave too, hence the whole dreaming you've left her. This might also explain why she is so passive-aggressive towards you, esp the insults etc.

I thinks that what's happening is she feels trapped into some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy whereby she fears loosing you, and then feels animosity towards you and expresses this in such a way that she possibly feels that this is driving you farther away and then this feeds back into the cycle.

gosh...it sounds like i could be your gf...i do this same **** to my man & i dont know why? its very straining, but he is very understanding. tho i've been diagnosed with depression, bipolar disorder & anxiety with mania, this could be the reason i act that way towards him. maybe she needs to see someone, at least in order to find out whats wrong with her. its not normal i can tell ya that. she may have underlying issues you dont know about yet. try talking to her & encouraging her to see a professional. maybe you guys can work it out together. you obviously love her, so try & help her & figure this out together

good luck & best wishes

IT SEEMS YOU HAVE JUST HIT A JACKPOT OF PROBLEMS.

LET ME TRY TO UNDERSTAND:

THE ODD THINGS STARTED AFTER SHE LOST HER JOB ???

HOW WAS HER JOB ? WAS SHE TOO MUCH INVOLVED IN THE JOB ?

IF SHE LOVE HER JOB TOO MUCH AND SHE GOT FIRED THAN SHE IS IN DEEP DEPRESSION.
MY ADVICE WILL BE SEEK SOME COUNSELING.

SECOND THING, IN MY OPINION IS : YOU MAY BE PARTLY RESPONSIBLE ALSO.

WHAT ARE THE THING SHE COMPLAINS ABOUT.

TRY TO UNDERSTAND HER REASONING. MAY BE SHE MIGHT HAVE SOME POINT.

IF YOU WANT TO ENRICH YOUR RELATIONSHIP , PLEASE COMMUNICATE OPENLY AND FRANKLY.

IF YOU HAVE THIS KIND OF PROBLEMS EARLY IN THE RELATION, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN DOWN THE ROAD.

PLEASE HAVE A HEART TO HEART TALK WITH HER AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND HER.

AND IF SHE AGREES GO TO A GOOD MARRIAGE COUNSELOR / OR PRIEST OR TALK TO HER FRIENDS IN HER PRESENCE-- NOT BEHIND HER.

GOOD LUCK AND HAVE A GOOD LIFE.





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