Is my mother in law crazy? with what?!
Question: Long story short my mother in law is very self centered , as she always feels sorry for herself, the interests of herself outweigh the interests of the family. she lies constantly about everything! Making herself out to be the victim when she clearly is the provoker. She is very smart at manipulating, lying, using people, and guilt trips. She teaches her kids not to stand up for each other, she is the only one they should always stand up for. She bullies, to the point her husband and their kids honestly start believing the lies she tells. She convinced her husband he really did have an affair and was lusting after women, when he dosen't and never did. She cuts ties with family, friends, neighbors, between herself and each other. Causing constant chaos and hurt feelings.She has put her family in financial ruin. she has stolen from my husband several times.She has to feel in complete control. She is emotionally,physically,mentally and verbally abusive. She is very insincere and selfish.
Answers: Long story short my mother in law is very self centered , as she always feels sorry for herself, the interests of herself outweigh the interests of the family. she lies constantly about everything! Making herself out to be the victim when she clearly is the provoker. She is very smart at manipulating, lying, using people, and guilt trips. She teaches her kids not to stand up for each other, she is the only one they should always stand up for. She bullies, to the point her husband and their kids honestly start believing the lies she tells. She convinced her husband he really did have an affair and was lusting after women, when he dosen't and never did. She cuts ties with family, friends, neighbors, between herself and each other. Causing constant chaos and hurt feelings.She has put her family in financial ruin. she has stolen from my husband several times.She has to feel in complete control. She is emotionally,physically,mentally and verbally abusive. She is very insincere and selfish.
I'd agree with Terri B that borderline personality disorder is the most likely 'label' to attach to her. It's hellish trying to deal with people with BPD, but that doesn't mean they are inner horrible people. If you can manage to hold in your heart the fact that this woman, for all her apparently nasty behaviour, is in fact feeling dreadful inside, this might help a little.
I suggest you get hold of copies of "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" by Jerry Kreisman and/or "Stop Walking on Eggshells" by Randi Kreger and Paul Mason. Both are very helpful for people dealing with any sort of relationship with someone with BPD.
You can't do anything about the way she treats other people, but you can educate yourself in the best tactics for managing someone like your mother-in-law. Hopefully your husband will also read these books and support you, so you are presenting a consistent front. This will help you, and it may show the others that there ARE other ways of dealing with her. It isn't easy, but please try to have some little bit of compassion for a woman who is a total mess inside. I don't mean she isn't responsible for what she does - she is, and she darn well ought to take responsibility and go and get some psychological treatment, but nonetheless, she is suffering.
sounds like narcissism.
Yes, I agree with the narcissism. My husband googled it and found it fit his boss perfectly, who sounds a lot like your mom.
Isn't necessarily crazy, or the prefered term of mentally ill, but no fun to be around.
she is kinda bad for doing that but i want to ask u y is she doing all this to her family?
She isn't crazy---she's a rotten person! You all need to stop cowaring down to her because all it's doing is enabling the behavior. Why should she stop doing what works for her? Especially when you all are going along as though it works for you. Now THAT is crazy!
Sounds like she has borderline personality disorder. She might be bipolar too but I'd bet anything she is borderline. The best and only thing you can do is to stop trying to understand. You will never change her nor reason with her. But you can change how you respond to all of this. A lot of times people think that if they let the person know they won't put up with their crap anymore, the other person will eventually learn to stop dishing it out. Sometimes this isn't true. She might just feel sorry for herself, feel victimized and try harder. Not your problem. Get together with your husband about some firm boundaries with her and stick to them. Detach from all of her chaos and pathology. I hope this helps!
Wow what will this crew do when she passes on ??? This major Drama Queen sounds like a complete control freak. A narcissus, unfortunately you married into this ,so she is your big problem too!! How did she steal from your husband was it from the bank? How has she put everyone in financial ruin ?? [just curious] good luck to you but she needs some serious freaking help !!
you need to just cut her out of your life
Sounds like either Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Histrionic Personality Disorder:
Histrionic
People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. They also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative.
Narcissistic
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recongize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. They tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.
A book I own and consult fairly frequently is "New Personality Self-Portrait". It is written very simply for lay people but gives a good view of how normal personality traits, taken too far, can become personality disorders. It also offers simple, practical help for dealing with each of the personality disorders. It may be in your local library.
I thought you were someone i could trust to keep it a secret!!
Pathological liar, possible sociopath, narcissist/egocentric, abusive.