I hate this SO MUCH!!!?!
Question: I'm going to be very honest here, but I'm looking for answers that are helpful, not rude remarks. I'm 36 years old and I've had an eating disorder since I was about 12. I'm not in denial about it, it's not like I don't recognize this. The problem is that over the years, the older I get, it seems to get worse. When I was a kid, my parents MADE me eat. I got older and realized that I can just make myself vomit. I got older still and realized that diet pills really do work if you buy the right ones. Now I'm in my 30s and it's been years and years since I've eaten more than a few hundred calories a day. It's out of control and it consumes my mind! I hate it! I hate more than I can even express. I fear everything about food.Gaining, eating, feeling hungry. See a therapist right? I don't even know if I want to get better, because that means having to eat and i just dont see me being able to do that everyday. Psycho right? I'm scared of the long term effects of what i'm doing.Just need advice
Answers: I'm going to be very honest here, but I'm looking for answers that are helpful, not rude remarks. I'm 36 years old and I've had an eating disorder since I was about 12. I'm not in denial about it, it's not like I don't recognize this. The problem is that over the years, the older I get, it seems to get worse. When I was a kid, my parents MADE me eat. I got older and realized that I can just make myself vomit. I got older still and realized that diet pills really do work if you buy the right ones. Now I'm in my 30s and it's been years and years since I've eaten more than a few hundred calories a day. It's out of control and it consumes my mind! I hate it! I hate more than I can even express. I fear everything about food.Gaining, eating, feeling hungry. See a therapist right? I don't even know if I want to get better, because that means having to eat and i just dont see me being able to do that everyday. Psycho right? I'm scared of the long term effects of what i'm doing.Just need advice
EATING DISORDERS: http://emotionalhealth.ivillage.com/... and http://www.webhealth.com/wiki/eating_dis... and http://www.edreferral.com and and http://www.something-fishy.org/dangers/d... and
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eating_d... and
http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/articles... and
http://www.addictions.net/ Call EDAP on (USA) 1-800-931-2237. Also consider hypnotherapy for weight gain (if fairly suggestible). Gain Weight:
Gain Weight Hypnosis Download
www.hypnosisdownloads.com/downloads/he... Also see the suggestions in sections 22 - 25, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris You can eat small portions, often, or smaller, high nutrient density meals, and drink "thickshakes", made from either blended egg yolks, yoghurt, buttermilk, cream, vanilla, cocoa, ice cream, other flavors, or banana smoothies, mixed with some of the above.
Actually, my first question would be how on Earth you have survived for years on only a few hundred calories a day? I am not saying you are not telling the truth...but that is highly strange. And yes, you are killing yourself and your life is probably overrun with just thinking and acting in eating disordered ways. I am sure you are hating life at the moment and, frankly, I am sure that not too many people are rallying around you because people with eating disorders tend to not be the nicest folks. Gaining, eating, and feeling hungry are not what this is about...it is about feeling...period! There is something that you are using this eating issue to supress. That is not therapist-talk...it is reality. The disorder is serving some function, be it that you are afraid to face reality and responsibility, you are afraid to be a sexual being, you are hiding from what things you have done in the past, you are scared to really try at something for fear you might still fail, you never feel like you meet the standards of some person....so on and so forth. This is something that you will need to decide to address. Honestly, when you start to address the real problems, you gain some perspective on the eating and it does not seem as horrible to overcome those negative eating thoughts. There is a much better life out there and being in treatment can make you realize that fact. I would look into some eating disorder clinics that are well know (Remuda Ranch, Renfew) and think about going to one. They are not torture, they are healing and you can make your life worthwhile. Because the food having control is certainly not going to serve you the best in the future...you will likely not even make it much longer.
It sounds like you know what you should do. Not all therapists are created equal. You might find one who is really good for you or a program with other people who are suffering through the same kind of thing. It sounds like you need therapy (not blah blah) and you might need some kind of intervention. You're not psycho. A lot of people are suffering right along side of you with the same problems. I hope you find them and the help you need before there is some kind of permanent damage.
i would say force yourself to eat a regular sized meall and keep it down one every, or every other day. that might be a big step, but try it slow. is it to the point where you don't even think about it? that might be a little harder to deal with. I have no experience, to tell you the truth i absolutely love food and it won't affect me, but everyone is different. Read into it more and try to eat a little more. if your looks are what bother you, cover up your mirrors with sheets, but i have no idea for what to do if the thought of food, not necessarily eating, makes you uncomfortable. being aware is the first big step. :]
hope that i was of some help.
You have to see a doctor and get help with this. Eventually you will see that it is normal and healthy to eat. Your body needs the nutrition to thrive and to be healthy. You would be doing something really good for yourself. You would probably do some cognitive therapy and perhaps take a medication to help you with your negative behavior about food. It would be better to eat a normal amount of calories and exercise often then to not eat much at all. And if you eat healthy foods and exercise you will not gain a lot of weight.
But the bottom line is that you need help with this problem and you have to be the one to seek it. Nobody else can help you but you can help yourself. And if you don't, you are choosing your own fate which probably means ending up very very sick.
I know you probably don't want to hear advice from a seventeen year old but please listen to me and take my advice into consideration. You should really just go and talk to a therapist as soon as possible. Even if you don't think you want to get better, obviously a small small part of you wishes you could get better because otherwise you wouldn't have posted this. I know that it is hard to overcome something like this, something that seems to take over your entire life but it is possible. It takes a lot of work and getting support from a therapist as well as friends or family can help. You are putting your body through hell with what you are doing and you are literally killing yourself slowly. Please I am begging you to talk to a therapist, even just a few times can start helping and get you on the right track and in the proper frame of mind about everything. So please, try. I hope that you get the help that you need, and soon. Just remember that there are people who will always care about you, no matter what.