How do you deal with a toxic mother?!


Question: Question is, do you live with her or not? If you live with her, make a plan for how to take care of yourself when she says/does things that trigger you to feel bad. A therapist should help you do this, or look at this website for other references: http://www.itstime.com/mar99.htm

If you don't live with her, then you have to figure out how you want to relate to her. I have a very scary/toxic dad, and I don't talk to him, because I genuinely don't feel safe dealing with him. I feel very guilty about that but it's the best I can do for now.

When the person who was supposed to take care of you abuses you instead, you're left with all these weird questions about how to take care of yourself. These are the questions you have to solve, in therapy or some other way, and then you will know how to deal with your mom in the long term.

Good luck!


Answers: Question is, do you live with her or not? If you live with her, make a plan for how to take care of yourself when she says/does things that trigger you to feel bad. A therapist should help you do this, or look at this website for other references: http://www.itstime.com/mar99.htm

If you don't live with her, then you have to figure out how you want to relate to her. I have a very scary/toxic dad, and I don't talk to him, because I genuinely don't feel safe dealing with him. I feel very guilty about that but it's the best I can do for now.

When the person who was supposed to take care of you abuses you instead, you're left with all these weird questions about how to take care of yourself. These are the questions you have to solve, in therapy or some other way, and then you will know how to deal with your mom in the long term.

Good luck!

havent talked to her in almost 6 years

she introduced my brother to heroin, and he's been on it for about 7 years now :(

she is not a mother.

ignore her, she'll go away

You accept her the way she is, or you chose not to have a relationship with her. Unfortunately, my stepdaughter is dealing with this.

Boundries. Break contact, re-estabilish only on your terms. My husband's mother is an alcoholic. We have to stop taking her calls when she calls drunk and mean. It just isn't worth getting upset by talking to her.

I moved 600 miles away from mine and only see her like twice a year. I also do not speak to her unless she calls me or if it is a necessity. I have found that we get along better and she does not get me down as much since we do not live in the same state.

Um... Find the antidote? XD

pull a leaf off of her tree plant in the house, throw pebbles on wooden floor, never talk to her [ they hate that], refuse to eat her food lol, leave the room that she is present in, say things, threaten to get an F on a test / class lol, Buy skittles or gum, or cookies or sumthin u know she likes, eat em in front of her, she asks for some, then u say NO. Call her by her first name lol. if she yells at you alot you could use this line, "Yell louder, you haven't broken my heart enough" If she gives you money like a dollar or sumthin say, "i don't need your stupid money!"

lol

toxic in what way?
seek help, support group etc. if she is drinking or has an addiction - check with school counselors or look in your phone book for Al-anon or some type of help for families of ...

most communities have a crisis help line - they can direct you

best to explore this with a counselor

mother wounding is so tragic, i'm sorry!!

i have tried eliminating my mother from my life and i was miserable.

i tried getting close to her and i was miserable.

finally after 30 years i realized that i can only be in her presence under certain circumstances.

although i finally have peace overall, i still feel off balance around her and after. i kind of have an energy hang over after spending time with her.

i think that i have finally given up on the fantasy that she would have ever been the mother that i needed or wanted. i no longer feel a sense of loss about it. maybe i have met the needs that i thought i needed to get satisfied by her.


Good luck :)

Cut her out of your life completely. Just because she is your mother, that doesn't give her the right to be a burden to you. There are enough problems in life as is, we don't need to let other people make more problems for us. I haven't talked to my ex-mother in going just over three years, and it is such a relief to be free of her influence.

Limit your contact with her. Don't share intimate details of your life or anything that you feel she might use against you. She is not going to change. So, you have to decide how you will take care of yourself in regard to any contact with her. See a therapist if this is not enough.





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