Am I trully a looser?!
Question: O.K. here it is, seven months ago I lost everything.I lost my job,my wife,and my home. I have tried to get a job but no one will hire me. I know I can get another home but I need a job first, my wife well at least there were no kids involved.maybe some day I will love again I am not really worried about that. I need a job and shelter first and foremost. why can't I find the first thing to get me on the right track. oh well I guess I am truly a looser!~!!! see ya all some time. i can't do this anymore.
Answers: O.K. here it is, seven months ago I lost everything.I lost my job,my wife,and my home. I have tried to get a job but no one will hire me. I know I can get another home but I need a job first, my wife well at least there were no kids involved.maybe some day I will love again I am not really worried about that. I need a job and shelter first and foremost. why can't I find the first thing to get me on the right track. oh well I guess I am truly a looser!~!!! see ya all some time. i can't do this anymore.
Dearest Big B, from what I know about you via your Y/A Q&As you are not a loser. Losing material things in life hurts like hell. I know. I have been there. It also hurts to get "advice" from people who do not understand how you feel or what you need, so I would be careful not to take everything that is written here to heart--not even my answer.
I wish you and I lived in the same city; then we could meet for coffee or lunch in a diner and talk face to face, heart to heart, with no interruptions. You would share your story and your feelings with me, and I would listen deeply.
Then I would tell you about the time I lost everything when I got this "great" idea to move to S.C., where the employment situation was horrible, and where I was living with an aunt who saw me as a freeloader (yes, a loser). I almost bought into that, but some of the things that kept me from drowning had to do with trusting my intuition, my inner Spirit, that inner voice guiding me step by step toward a way out of this hell I was in.
When I realized I was in a real fix, I kept a journal, so that I could keep my mind clear, and I wrote affirmations and meditated on them every day, e.g. "I am a child of the Universe, with a right to be here" or "All shall be well. All shall be well. All manner of things shall be well.". I also read inspirational books, watched movies, listened to music and good radio talk shows, sang, danced, spent time with children and other family members who knew me and believed in me. I even regularly tutored a teenage girl who had sought me out. Because she believed in me and my skills as a reading and writing instructor, she was as much a gift to me as I was to her. She also saw how negative the environment was in my aunt's house and encouraged me to hang onto my beliefs.
Basically, I had to counter all the negative voices of my relatives who were telling me basically that a loser like me had no right to live, that I should just get a job at the local McDonalds. (Sound familiar?) Don't listen to them. Listen to your own heart. What do you want? What do you have to offer? A good employment agency can help.
I also read the classifieds daily and got on the phone and called certain local schools and colleges to get the information I needed to apply for teaching positions. It was like night and day. Even though most of my relatives were treating me like a loser, and I was by then starting to believe them, I was able to shine during my interview. I came back to my real self, and the interviewer basically hired me on the spot. In that college environment, I was in my element. I did wind up taking a teaching position with this local college--but only part-time.
I got kicked out of my aunt's house, which forced me to, as one answerer has put it here, lose the pride and ask for help. My uncle wired me some money to get my own temporary place in the city (North Charleston). My friends back here in N.Y. encouraged me and comforted me; esp. one dear friend, who took the initiative of talking to my old supervisor who offered me a contract to work all summer on a project that utilized my skills--for enough money to tide me over until I could get more work in the fall. I was also able to get part-time work at my old college, T.C.I.. Because I came clean with my supervisor and told her about my situation, she was able to help me put it all into perspective by telling me of other people who had come to the S.C. Sea Islands to teach and do community development work being chewed up and spat out. I also came clean at church. First thanking everyone for their prayers and concerns, I announced that if anyone really wanted to help me then I could really use some help finding an apartment--a.s.a.p.. I was offered a sublet in a beautiful uptown apartment by, shall we say, a most unlikely person. I still had a lot to resolve, but I no longer felt crazy, defective, or alone. I no longer felt like a loser.
The biggest irony or miracle of all is that even in the midst of all that loss--including my health (multiple chemical sensitivities, severe bronchitis, laryngitis, and carrying the lovely scent of herbs and other natural remedies)--I met someone special. A beautiful guy who helped me with my bags and put two and two together when he saw my cousin and her partner drive away from the hotel without so much as even a good-bye. We talked and hung out all day, and discovered we had a lot in common. He fell in love with me when I was supposedly at my lowest. Without getting all preachy on me, he teased me about all my Scorpionic rage and lack of forgiveness. He was a Scorpio too, so he knew the battle that was raging inside of me. He had also had his issues with his own Sea Island family members. He showed me the ropes, basically how to survive and enjoy life with very little money. He stood by my side during that whole transition, knowing full well that I would be returning to N.Y. within weeks. What did I give him? All that I had left to give: my company, conversation, laughter, music, romance--me. My own natural self, coming alive again. We were both fighting tears in the airport when it was time for me to leave S.C. (Thanks, Derrick.)
Life is so funny. When we think we have lost everything, even when we have in fact lost everything in the material sense, if we remain who we are and remember our inherent worth, if we hang in there and trust that something good can happen out of all this loss, that there is a larger plan even if we can't see it, then new things (jobs, apartments, friendships, lovers, health, etc) can manifest. Even if affirmations and meditation are just too New-Agey or even goofy for you, please think of some way to get quiet and remember (and articulate or say it out loud) all the wonderful things you know about yourself and all the wonderful things you want to manifest in your life.
Big B, you are worth it. (More later..) Hope this helps. Much love.
No I don't think you are. But just to let you know, loser is spelt with one O, and truly with one L.
Goodluck!
on the bright side u still got ur health
join the army
Pray and ask for God to show you the way~
work at mcdonalds. they will hire anybody...have you been there lately
your a winner i say.....no responsibility.......find a job elsewhere if cant find there.....
Did you do something to precipitate losing everything? Me, I had a drug problem and lost pretty much everything I had. Just hang in there, things do get better eventually. You just have to persevere. And, if you do have a problem with anything, get help. Good luck!
Trust me, you should never give up. It's always darkest just before dawn. If you think I don't know how you feel, you should read some of my questions I've posted. That'll give you an idea about what I've been through, and I'm still here. It'll all work out. Hang in there:)
I know that things seem very difficult right now but you've got to have some faith. Try looking for jobs online or go to an agency. Dont pass up any opportunity. Once you get your feet back on the ground, you can be more selective.
Good luck! BTW going through trials and tribulations doesn't make you a loser but giving up will.
I got this from an email, read it, I hope it helps:
This is worth reading..... Excellent advice for young and old
Do What You Love: Time is Too Short to do Anything Else ...
Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and Pixar Animation Studios,
delivered a truly inspirational commencement address to some 5,000 Stanford
University graduates. Without further adieu, his message:
'I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from
one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college.
Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation.
Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal.
Just three stories.
The First Story is About Connecting the Dots.
I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but
then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really
quit. So why did I drop out?
It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young,
unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption.
She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so
everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his
wife.
Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute
that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list,
got a call in the middle of the night asking: 'We have an unexpected baby
boy; do you want him?' They said: 'Of course.' My biological mother later
found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father
had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption
papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I
would someday go to college.
And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a
college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my
working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition.
After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea
what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help
me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had
saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would
all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was
one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop
taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in
on the ones that looked interesting.
It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept
on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5' deposits
to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday
night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it.
And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition
turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:
Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy
instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label
on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed.
Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal
classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I
learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of
space between different letter combinations, about what makes great
typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way
that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my
life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh
computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It
was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in
on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple
typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the
Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them.
If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on
this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful
typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots
looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking
backwards ten years later.
Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only
connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will
somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something--your gut,
destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it
has made all the difference in my life.
My Second Story is About Love and Loss.
I was lucky--I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and
I started Apple in my parents' garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in
10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2
billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest
creation--the Macintosh--a year earlier, and I had just turned 30.
And then I got fired.
How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as
Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the
company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our
visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out.
When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And
very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone,
and it was devastating.
I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I
had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down--that I had dropped
the baton as it was being passed to me.
I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize
for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought
about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on
me--I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed
that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided
to start over.
Fired From Apple
I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from
Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness
of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again,
less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative
periods of my life.
During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT,
another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who
would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the world's first computer
animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation
studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I
returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart
of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family
together.
I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't
been fired from Apple. It was awful-tasting medicine, but I guess the
patient needed it.
Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose
faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved
what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your
work as it is for your lovers.
Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the
only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And
the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found
it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll
know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better
and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't
settle.
My Third Story is About Death.
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: 'If you
live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be
right.'
It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33
years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: 'If today
were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do
today?' And whenever the answer has been 'No' for too many days in a row, I
know I need to change something.
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool
I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because
almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of
embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death,
leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die
is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to
lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
Diagnosed With Cancer
About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer.
I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a
tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors
told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and
that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months.
My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order,
which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids
everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a
few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will
be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.
I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a
biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and
into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from
the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they
viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it
turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with
surgery.
I had the surgery and I'm fine now.
This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's
the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now
say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but
purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't
want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No
one has ever escaped it.
And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the
single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the
old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too
long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry
to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's
life. Don't be trapped by dogma--which is living with the results of other
people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your
own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart
and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become.
Everything else is secondary.
When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The
Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was
created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and
he brought it to life with his poetic touch.
This was in the late 1960s, before personal computers and
desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and
Polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years
before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools
and great notions.
Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth
Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue.
It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of
their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the
kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous.
Beneath it were the words: 'Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.' It was their
farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have
always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I
wish that for you.
Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.
Thank you all very much.'
The Stanford (University) Report June 14, 2005
Give your head a shake from all the self pity and poor me's!
Many have been where you are now - and many of those have used the experience to climb to great heights!
No - it wont be easy - but you will look back one day - and that will be the testement of what sort of person you are.
You are not a loser unless you choose to be one.
Get out and take advantage of as much help as is out there - lose the pride in asking for help. People make careers out of helping folk in your position - take advantage of what they can do for you.
And yes - you can do this - because it isn't hard.
Just want to do it. Do you think that you will be missed right now if you lie down and die? Maybe - maybe not. But get back on your feet and make a decent life - then you will be admired for the man that tried - not the man that laid down and died!
Good lluck old chum - things get better if you help them along.
A fact.
hey man i nothat finding a job can be hard but your not a looser evreryone goes through stages of unemployment. You just got to pick yourself up and a keep trying. I was in your your position 1 year ago now im a manger just hang in there and youll find something best of look
the answer below is right. Ask God. Have you given your heart to Jesus, and repented of all your sins and forgivess everyone who has hurt you? If you have you can Pray to the Father in Jesus name is Jesus is the great intercessor. You cannot do anything on your own here, as nobody can. Jesus says to ASK, SEEK and KNOCK. ASK and it will be given to you, SEEK and you will find, and KNOCK and the door will be open unto you. You are not a loser as God loves you very much and wants you to go to him. God says "You get not, because you ask not" God bless you brother as you seek him.
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Where there is a hill there will be a valley. Life is full of ups and downs. Dont loose hope. Just try your best getting a job.
hey dude, this is part of the real life. If you give up hope now, then you will surely be the loser you are afraid of being. Otherwise, give yourself hope, life has more to offer than a job and a family, stop looking at what you don't have but rather what you have. If God has given you what you need, what you want is on the way...just hold on a lil' bit. If you are a christian you've probably heard of the scripture that says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will fulfill the desires of your heart." Start doing that, and lets see what will happen.
Ok life might seem hard right now and getting back on your feet sounds like it is proving difficult for you at this stage...at the same time as splitting up with your wife...you know you said some really important things whilst asking this question,,,,,although you have split up with you wife you are seeing that its positive that there are no children invoved.....you are thinking well when you are thinking like that.You also say perhaps you may fall in love again some time but thats no a number one priority getting a job and a place to live is your priority again thats great thinking.
Yes you will get answers on here of ppl telling you about their lives and how hard it is for them...and perhaps that is so however you asked this question not to have your feeling squashed but because you are feeling down and are loosing hope.Please dont loose hope..you are not a loser at all and you seem to have a great mind that is able to think about the positives keep practising that positiveness as hard as things get.AND dont listen to ppl that say you cant speeel me either and that dont make me a looser is means that my keyboard isnt working right--if i could hand you a jod mate i would but i am not in that postion..just keep trying you never know what is around the corner.:)
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever would believe in Him would not perish but have everlasting life." (Jonh 3:16)
www.jesusisreal.org
To be born again .. as Jesus said we must..repent of your sin and ask Jesus to be your Lord and Savior. God bless!
I am glad you are not suicidal. I cant help but be glad there are no children to deal with the issues of adult separation. I dont say that to be harsh. It just is a truism for me.
Most of all I get the message that you know what you want and you still believe you can get there, its just hard and maybe you need some support. Just someone to hear you out occasionally. I hope you find someone, anyone, not a shrink, I just mean a mens call in phone line or shelter or the like.
You face a lot of challenges in your life, but you have fight in you, so I applaud you and wish you well. You are not a looser, just a little lost, your life/world has been turned upside down and now you are trying to rebuild it. That is not always easy. If you are chasing entry level employment, maybe you should look at increasing your skills in a trade or get into a profession. It wont be easy, you may have to go back to education, but hey it would be fun, different and a pathway to a different life.
I wish you well.
Be safe, be sage
i havent been in your situation personally, but i hope you get out of it soon, for your sake and because you want too.
you are not a loser and dont think that way, i can only imagine how hard things might be for you at the moment.
You just need to try and keep all hopes up, and think positive..i know eaiser said than done, but sometimes in job interviews and things like that..they can sense the stress and negativity,so its better if you try and stay positive, they will sense that and will want someone working for them.
how long did you and your wife break it off?
maybe you still need time to heal, you can just get your life back on track straight away, not because you dont want to, but because you need time to heal all the emotional stuff you've been going through.
i hope it all gets better for you, and i am sure things will turn out.
and remember you are not a loser.
you will get through this.
good luck
Big B, there are often 'half-way' places in your community where you can things sorted out. Call your local church...they Willl steer you in the right direction, as to where to go and what to do next. They wil shelter you and help you to formulate plan so that you can move forward.
My guess...you will do very well.
You have received some very good answers here.
If I were you, print this out, and every time you hear yourself saying you are a loser, or you are giving up, read this. There is a light at the end of every tunnel, just hang it there.
You can also use this as a start to Journaling. Write down your thoughts and ideas in a notebook. It helps release the depression you are feeling right now, especially when you need someone to talk to at that moment, try talking to yourself, only on paper. Read back what you have written weekly, to see how much has changed. Its a great inspiration.
Good Luck and God Bless!