What should i do about my father? he is going to end up dying?!
Question: he is very self destructive in his current health
first off he has had 2 operations in the last 18 months
they were both because of his cancer
now hes taking kemo-therapy which is fine but here is my problem
the doctors for some reason perscribe him anything he wants!
he is now taking heavy amounts of pain killers (perkacet i cant spell it srry) and tranqulizers like zynax and valum on top of all this he is drinking heavily along with these drugs and hes simply crazy i find my self taking control of the situation the best i can by throwing away the drinks i find but he keeps buying more booz he has done some idioitic things like this before one time he was so drunk he crashed into a wall and broke his neck he was hospitalized for a week and was fine the bone healed eventually just an example of his stupidity
so i dont know what to do hell probally die either by the cancer or by his own methods im 20 and hes 55 why do i have to be the responsible one? i have never drunk ever!
Answers: he is very self destructive in his current health
first off he has had 2 operations in the last 18 months
they were both because of his cancer
now hes taking kemo-therapy which is fine but here is my problem
the doctors for some reason perscribe him anything he wants!
he is now taking heavy amounts of pain killers (perkacet i cant spell it srry) and tranqulizers like zynax and valum on top of all this he is drinking heavily along with these drugs and hes simply crazy i find my self taking control of the situation the best i can by throwing away the drinks i find but he keeps buying more booz he has done some idioitic things like this before one time he was so drunk he crashed into a wall and broke his neck he was hospitalized for a week and was fine the bone healed eventually just an example of his stupidity
so i dont know what to do hell probally die either by the cancer or by his own methods im 20 and hes 55 why do i have to be the responsible one? i have never drunk ever!
I'm sorry. This must be EXTREMELY hard for you. You are a good person trying so hard to help your Dad.
He needs your company more than anything else right now. It's not up to you to hide his pills or his alcohol. It's not your fault. He is 55 years old and knows what he's doing. He feels better when he's drunk or high on pills. He doesn't have to deal with the pain of having a serious illness and possibly dying. Maybe he has given up already. It's not your fault at all. His pain is like yours but for different reasons.
Tell your Dad how his drinking is making you scared. Tell him how you want him to live. Tell him you LOVE him again and again.
There will be a lot of things you'll want to say to him after he's gone (whether that is in 5 months or 30 years). Make the most of your time with him. Ask him about his past. Ask him about your grandparents. Ask him about you when you were little. Spend time with him. Watch a good movie together. Make the most of your time.
We will all lose our Dads one day unless we die first. Treat each day as if it were your last day together. Be good to eachother. I hope you find peace. You don't deserve to feel bad.
Sadly in life too often the children grow up faster than their parents and end up taking the lead role.
Is it possible to voice your concerns directly to your Dads doctor / medical team???
if you feel he is a danger to himself, you might want to check for information regarding hospice if you feel as if his death is nor far away in his current state. if you do not agree with hospice,i might suggest a program at something like the Institute of Living like we have here in connecticut. they can help him over come his drinking or addiction to pain killers.
hope this helps but never feel as though you are responsible.
Been there, done that. In retrospect, guess what. The only thing I can tell you is, you don't have to be there. If someone is not an adult at that age, there is NOTHING you can do about it. It sounds like he's not a responsible adult. No reason to put yourself through a meat grinder.
Well, cancer can put a lot of stress on both the pateint and the family/friends. Tell the doctors he is drinking heavily. Talk to him, tell him you are scared for him and that you are there for him. It's not your fault this happened.
Tough one! my dad died 2 months ago, he had heart revascularization surgery of the heart, operation was succesful, but the age 78, and diabetes complication (kidney malfunction) took him away, he was in IC 72 days.
Take care of him, if something happens, you will not carry that guilty feeling of " I should" and you will answer to yourself " I made everything I could for him"
Also tell him all the things that you have to tell, maybe one of these days you wont be able to do it"
First, join Al-anon. They can help you deal with your issues, as it is a group of people who also love alcoholics.
You need to stop feeling responsible for your father. There is nothing you can do to make him change. He has to feel the need to change.
If he is taking chemo, he probably needs much of what they are giving him. You are correct that he shouldn't be taking it with alcohol, but the best you can do is inform his doctor about his drinking.
You may try to get in to see the doctor to discuss his condition and ask questions. Your doctor may require that your father sign a consent form.
I did this with my father - granted for different reasons, but convinced my father it was best because then I could ask questions myself rather than sending the questions with him, or attending dr. appointments with him.
Later, it made things easier as he got sicker and approached his ultimate death.
There is often a lot of guilt felt by those left behind when a loved one's self destructive behavior causes illness or death. But that guilt is misplaced, because it is not your responsibility to take care of your parent or change his behavior. It never was, it never will be. Just like he was not responsible for the things you have done as a child or teenager - regardless of what they are.
this is a sad situation. I think you need to talk to his doctor and tell the doctor that he is drinking with the medication. the doctor should do something about that at least. I hope things work out.
i really feel for you, i know what your going through my dad passed away 5 years ago from liver cancer he was an alcoholic, when he was first diagnosed he did all the right things had chemo took the right drugs ate healthy and stopped drinking but then after about 8 months he started drinking heavily and acting really silly driving drunk even walking the streets at night i was a mess, i tried everything to help him but he didnt listen i think they just give up, all i can say to you is take some time out its so hard, try your community health centre they will tell you who to speak to about it, hope all goes well :)
You need to talk and write your feelings down , if you are not able to talk to him face to face try writing it to him and make sure he reads it , tell him how you feel scared and how you feel helpless.
The most important thing is that you take care of yourself. Do you have any friends you can talk to ? Brothers or sisters ? Aunts and uncles ?
You need to protect yourself from his destructive behavior. Seek help , call help lines , talk to counselors , doctors..
Make up a list of things so you don't forget anything once you are in front of them...
Your dad might be dying but you don't need to die along with him , take this time to get stronger but in order to do that you need someone you can talk to that you can trust and can guide you.
Your dad is taking very strong medication and with the drinking he must pass out from time to time , this must be a very scary situation for you.. I am so sorry , please you did the good thing in asking how to get help ..
You seem like a awesome person and you need to believe that you have done all you could and try to let go as hard as it may seems..
wish you the best of luck
He's past caring about himself or anyone else and I don't know how to advise you on getting him some help because he has to want help in the first place for you a support group look for AAA for people who drink and you feel responsible because no one else will look after him. Go to that support group and look for answers and that the fact he has had bouts with cancer he probably just wants all of this to go away. And it sounds like he wants to end his life.