Will I die like this?!
Question: I am 33, $58 000.00 in debt (mostly student loans). Although I have Masters degree, I am not making that much money. I have been looking for another job but because of where I live, jobs are a bit limited. I am living back home with my mother, sister and neice because I cannot afford to pay rent. My life right now just seems so worthless.
I have been to numerous therapist and I am on wellbutrin, but I still feel like I'm in a deep hole. I have NO social life. I am single and have been so for a very long time and I do not know how to change. I am starting to believe that I would never feel "normal" again in life. I keep thinking "am I going to die like this"? Will I ever be happy? I think sometimes that my life is a waste and I just do not want to live anymore. But then I think on my family and know that I could never do anything to cause them such grief. But what can I do ? I feel like I have tried it all and I am still feeling hopeless.
Answers: I am 33, $58 000.00 in debt (mostly student loans). Although I have Masters degree, I am not making that much money. I have been looking for another job but because of where I live, jobs are a bit limited. I am living back home with my mother, sister and neice because I cannot afford to pay rent. My life right now just seems so worthless.
I have been to numerous therapist and I am on wellbutrin, but I still feel like I'm in a deep hole. I have NO social life. I am single and have been so for a very long time and I do not know how to change. I am starting to believe that I would never feel "normal" again in life. I keep thinking "am I going to die like this"? Will I ever be happy? I think sometimes that my life is a waste and I just do not want to live anymore. But then I think on my family and know that I could never do anything to cause them such grief. But what can I do ? I feel like I have tried it all and I am still feeling hopeless.
Honey, you are right, your situation sucks. It is true that being in great debt sucks, as well as not having financial prospects might make you depressed like hell. I know because I've been there. Just accept that this aspect of your life is sucky. But that does not mean your whole life is worthless! Think of it this way, REALLY REALLY try to imagine that for some people much better off than you having their mother alive with them would be enough to trade their fortunes for. Overwhelmed by the feeling of guilt they would do anything to bring their mother back to say they are sorry or whatever else they did not have time to say. I happen to know such a person. Another thing is, you sound like a pretty healthy person (you have not mentioned any conditions other than the psychological ones caused by your situation). I know at least two people who would kill or give all their money in order to be able to hear (for one of them) and live independently of a machine (for the other one). If they heard your problems they would laugh in your face because you can move and start making more money, you may pay off your debt someday and become more financially healthy, heck you can live all your life on a miserable salary still being able to breath flowers in spring wherever you go, listen to music and birds in the mornings, you can jog, cycle and dance. I know it sounds like "yeah right" to you right now because you are depressed. But you really can do all these things. In fact they can make you feel better, while these people will live a half-life (as they themselves often call it in the moments of the meltdown) up until the end.
I would suggest however crazy that sounds that you took just one hour per week of volunteering work in an abused women shelter, mental hospital or children cancer center. Helping those much worse off than you would make you appreciate your life more.
I belive in you! Please believe in yourself and appreciate your life!
Everything will work out!!!! I was $30.000 in debt 6 months ago. I got a new job hit 2 bonuses and bought a house. Just do your best and keep a positive attitude.
Perhaps the medication you are taking is not working for you. There are other medications that might work better. You need to discuss it with a psychiatrist who can help prescribe the proper meds. I have been there, believe me. Good luck. I am sure things will change for the better. You just have to try to be positive. Maybe even move to another place to get a better job
Justme,
A lot of what you are describing is due to the depression (the feelings of hopelessness and thoughts about death...). I've heard Wellbutrin is a good antidepressant. However, it may take a while before you start feeling or seeing a difference in your mood. Please don't give up. If you are currently on medication, then you should also be seeing a therapist. It may also take a while before you find a psychologist you feel comfortable and "click" with. You have done well in getting an undergraduate and graduate degrees to (which isn't always done). Be proud of your achievements!!! Please find someone that you can talk to about your troubles. Good Luck.
Listen,
I too am in debt from student loans, and I too used to have severe anxiety. Also, I too am moving back to get myself out of debt. There are a couple things you need to do if your serious about taking control of your life!
1) Continue to seek help from your therapist. If that therapist isnt working for you, try someone else. Beleive me I had a find the right one before I started feeling better.
2) Go to a bank, sit down with a financial advisor, and work out a plan on how you are going to get yourself out of debt. As far off as it seems now you CAN do it. And you can do it on your own eventually. You wont need to live with your parents forever trust me.
3) BE serious about changing your life. Be happy with who you are. Having a social life isnt everything beleive me there are millions of people out there who have a social life and are much less happy than you are. This is your life and only you can take control of it. People are out there to help you though so PLEASE use your community to find the right resources!
Youll be fine,
Take care,
JoeSSW
You and I are both are so much alike. I haven't been on a date in so long I dint know what dating is. However, stop feeling sorry for yourself, I had to. I tell myself to stop feeling sorry for myself and get out and enjoy what the world has to offer. You too can go out on the town and really enjoy yourself, alone or with a friend as long as you do. You may discover many possibilities. Being in debt is another story, there will be debt until the end of time. So go yourself a little party outfit and enjoy the night.
The best is yet to come!
maybe you should think about moving somewhere thats more lucrative. 58 grand really isnt that much. you can file bankruptcy, people do it every day. you havent tried it all, or you wouldnt be this way. im in the same rut, but ive been there before and have gotten myself out of it, and will this time too. a part time job will help you meet others and make a little extra at the same time. i went to work at a car wash, not because i needed the money, i was making more than i needed, but i was working with the young ones. 20 yrs. my junior, but i heard different music, developed a different sense of humor, and it was all good. i learned from them, and they learned from me. you might give it a try. therapists do it for a living, and usually dont get emotionally involved. you are put into a category, and theres a formula for symptoms. then they give you the pills. take 2 of these, and call me in the morning. things will work for you, just dont act out of desperation. take care.
Yeah you'll probably feel down in the dumps into you either ge ta boyfriend or pay off your loan. So try to do one of those
the answer to your question is yes. you are gonna die like that. unless you change ur selfish ways.