This mental suffering I'm going through is killing me..please, I need advice!
Question: I'm really suffering mentally at the moment and am getting a bit worried about this. I'm trying to deal with a huge disappointment with a guy I have been into for a year (we did not date but got together once and often flirted). Ive realised Im more into him than he is and have cut the contact to try to move on. Now, this is affecting my attitude to everything. Im in mid 40s, havnt met someone for years and would lvoe to settle. Im waking at night thinking of my 'bad luck'. I know I should be happy, Im really healthy, look 10 -15 yrs younger and when Im in good form can attract guys, still living alone with both parents dead is lonely. I have friends but they all have their lives (children etc). Im doing all the stuff I should ot deal with it...new hobby..planning a break away & trying to go out but it is no use. I know I need time but I am making no progress. Please advise me. I want to live a normal life but this is hell on earth.
Answers: I'm really suffering mentally at the moment and am getting a bit worried about this. I'm trying to deal with a huge disappointment with a guy I have been into for a year (we did not date but got together once and often flirted). Ive realised Im more into him than he is and have cut the contact to try to move on. Now, this is affecting my attitude to everything. Im in mid 40s, havnt met someone for years and would lvoe to settle. Im waking at night thinking of my 'bad luck'. I know I should be happy, Im really healthy, look 10 -15 yrs younger and when Im in good form can attract guys, still living alone with both parents dead is lonely. I have friends but they all have their lives (children etc). Im doing all the stuff I should ot deal with it...new hobby..planning a break away & trying to go out but it is no use. I know I need time but I am making no progress. Please advise me. I want to live a normal life but this is hell on earth.
When I met my wife she was 48, never married and had not dated in 12 years. It seems that most people find someone
when they are not looking. The first thing you need to do is feel good about yourself. Other people will see this in you. Pursue the things that you enjoy and and someone
will be there that has the same interests. You've taken the first step-asking for help. Trust me-there is someone out there. My wife and I have been married for 13 years and going strong. Good luck and love yourself. If you do some one else will.
Phoooey!
You're not happy at all. You're looking for the love of your life right? Then I advise active hunting! There's someone out there meant to be with you and if fate can't deal with this then you'll have to go out there and find him!
Although I don't agree with online dating, but I would recommend making an online profile, and maybe you will meet someone great out there. Also try to make yourself more available by going to the store even when you just need 1 tomato. Your friends might have their own lives, but I bet you they would be happy to get away from the family for a night and spend sometime with you. Also ask your friends to ask their husbands to introduce you to their buddies. Good luck I hope things get better for you.
You need to find some fun activities for older singles, not the same as those in their twenties. Try wine, cheese or chocolate tastings. The best way to meet people is friends of friends, or friends of coworkers. Don't focus on trying to meet someone, just focus on having fun. Do things to make yourself happy, because no one can love you if you don't love yourself first. There are so many amazing things you can do and enjoy. There are always dozens of fun classes or seminars that are enjoyable, and you never know where you might meet that special someone. Keep your spirits up any way you can, and good luck. Everyone has bad times, it's just about focusing to get past them.
why do you live with your parents if you are in your 40s??
make a list of everything you would like to achieve this year and put them in order of importance
once you start to complete each of the tasks on the list you will start to fell much better in yourself
if you can attrack guys then when they ask for your number then just do it and go on a date with them
you never know, you might meet that person who will take your mind off that man who broke your heart
HAve you ever seen the movie, "Must Love Dogs"? Its really great and it reminded me of you. I think it will help you a lot to see it. It will also give you some ideas to find a partner at your age. Online dating is more popular then ever. And While it is dangerous, I think that if you looked into it, used your wise judgemnet you will be fine. It has helped people find someone that wants the same as you, while being in their 40's. =) Watch the movie, trust me!!!
Google for free psych. therapy or use or health provider for counselling assistance. But the best source for help lies within you or if you believe in God, in God.
The problem is you feel if you don't have a man you're not happy!!! Wrong!! You need to enjoy you and what you like to do!!! Go on a cruise!! A lot of women were raised to feel life isn't complete unless you have a man in your life!!! It really is a shame!! I raised my daughter to develope for themselves and if a man fit in the picture ok!!! But don't let him be your only happiness. Get involved in church, or join a womans club be active in what's happening in town. Go to a nice lounge to dance!! Get out!!! You can do it!!!
Maybe see a counselor, or go to a support group. Sounds like you are doing a lot of things right. I'm not sure how you developed this level of feeling for someone that you were only with once, and flirted with, but never dated. Perhaps you had unrealistic expectations of the relationship.
Good luck in moving forward.
Dana (M.S. Marriage and Family Therapy/Mental Health Counseling)
I am serious with this advise, it is helping me with the same problem, except it is a woman who has moved on. I am so in love with her. It hit me one day that she does not want me and who knows what will happen to her, leaving someone who would have done anything for her. I know someone who loves me always, no matter what. I do not attend any church. I am baptized and confirmed Catholic. What has kept me from total destruction is praying (talking) to Jesus. Try this.
I went through a horrible break-up 8 years ago, and suffered from depression for almost 4 years. What helped me the most was traveling. I know with a job, it's hard to get away, but the more I ventured out beyond my ken, the more I found I could live without the person and more importantly, with myself. I ruined the relationship by being jealous, and it destroyed my self esteem. While I can't tell you how long it will be before you find solace, I can say you will find it. I would recommend staying away from blind dating, especially when set up by friends. Think of the pressure you'll put yourself under. Try attending group meetings for artists or writers. As a novelist, I found my peers to be expressly interested in my well-being, and writers are naturally observant of the things we might miss about ourself. Even if you are not an artist, I've found artists to be compassionate and interested. I would also recommend placing your thoughts on paper. Describe your feelings and their causes. The more you do this, the more apparent it will become that the issues are surmountable.
Sorry. I have the same problem of getting rid of such thoughts. AA says to put them in the God bag; my therapist says to right a letter to the person who disappointed you and then rather than mail it, light it on fire and burn it so it goes up into the heavens. The following Proverb gave me a lot to think about and how these negative thoughts are ruling my life rather than moving forward. Be grateful for what you do have (The Promise) and wish for what you want. Joyce Meyer also has a book about this subject.
Proverbs 23:7
We live in a society absorbed with its own feelings. Today, people are addicted to seeing themselves as victims and demanding special tolerance, favor, acceptance, or gifts. Yet a mind concerned with its own painful experiences, rejections, mistakes, or emotional hurts is one that refuses healing. These emotions comfort like old bandages, and many are afraid to see what is underneath. Some cling to them because they give special "handicap" privileges, and they use them to justify what they believe, say or do. It is a demonic delusion because it only perpetuates the pain and denies the freedom or forgiveness that God offers.
Pain should serve to teach and mature us, not box us into the darkness. Hebrews 2:10 says Christ learned by the things He suffered