Please help my brother?!


Question: I feel so strongly for my friend, I call him my brother. He calls me sis. We're just that close.

However, he was molested as a child. He refuses to tell anyone even though hes all messed up mentally.

How can i convince him to get help? He won't tell anyone, and I don't know If I should tell his mom or not?

Thank you all!

Answers: I feel so strongly for my friend, I call him my brother. He calls me sis. We're just that close.

However, he was molested as a child. He refuses to tell anyone even though hes all messed up mentally.

How can i convince him to get help? He won't tell anyone, and I don't know If I should tell his mom or not?

Thank you all!
This is a very difficult situation and i think its great that you're taking the interest to try to help him. However, there are a few things you should know. You might have heard the saying that you cant help change anyone but yourself, and that is true. Its possible that he is not at the point psychologically where he is ready to face and talk about the abuse, so there really is no way to make him get help. However, just by being there for him and gently pointing out areas in his life that maybe he could improve if he would get help, could lead him to seek out help. As long as the abuse isn't going on anymore, my advice would be do not tell his parents, at least not yet. People who were abused have trust issues to begin with so "breaking the privacy" of your friendship would probably backfire and he would feel betrayed. This has to be his decision but it will help if you are supportive and helpful in providing info about local therapists, books, etc. Good luck. if you would like some more help, feel free to email me and I'll do what i can. I know how much you are hurting for him and how much you care. take care. Dr. Max S.
hey don't tell anyone advice him, make him tell...if you tell your lifes at risk he may kill you out of anger. Report It

Other Answers (7)

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  • averagejlow's Avatar by averagej...
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    • Tell someone. he may be mad at first, but if you want to help him you have too
    You cannot force him to get help. He must choose it for himself.

    You can be the great friend that you're trying to be by encouraging him to get the help that you know he needs.
    Tell his mom, she will help him, or get him help. If I had a little sister/brother, and they were molested, I would tell my parents, as well as kicking the guy's *** whoever did that.
    The danger is that if you tell his mom then he won't trust you anymore and that could have further side effects. Sometimes with these things the people we don't want to know are those around us.

    I'd stick by him and eventually you might encourage him to talk to someone. Probably has all kinds of issues relating to it being his fault etc. that this person planted in his head, but at the end of the day it has to be his decision.

    If you did tell his mom then he might simply deny it and then become even more defensive. Currently it sounds like he needs someone he can trust and without that he'll be lost and even less likely to talk to anyone else.
    No matter what you do, DO NOT TELL HIS MOTHER. You will destroy his trust in you. He told you this because he is close to you and feels he can trust you. You can't make him get help now. This is something that needs to be done on his timeframe (provided the molester is not still a threat to others). If this is the case you will have to convince him on this reason alone. Otherwise, he will need to go to therapy about this when he is ready. Because truly working through your feelings on this kind of thing takes alot of work and may put him through some emotional turmoil. In the meantime, he will really need a friend like you, just to gently offer your support and for someone to talk to when he wants to.
    Being his trusted Confidante is most important right now...when talking about Counseling.tell him you'll go with him if he'd like, and keep his secret..give him your word and keep it!! You can feel comfortable in this as if he Identifies the person by name ..the counselor is bound to notify authorities and commence an investigation..that filthy pedophile NEEDS to be punished, and often seeing justice served can start the healing. Keep telling him is is not and never was his fault..maybe GENTLY ask him how he'd feel if someone he dearly loves (a youngster) is assaulted by this person? Then what, and what if it happened to someone before him that kept quiet? It has to stop..and brave people can stop this! You might try going to a counselor yourself and get advice..My Best to YOU BOTH~~~~HUGGERS!!!
    really just talk to him about it if you go to school together go with him to the counslers office and talk to the counsler together but other wise he will eventually tell someone

    -harmony


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