When is the right time to get a new mental health counselor ?!
Question: I've been seeing mine for 4 years, loved her at first, saw progress and that stopped in June 07. I no longer look forward to our appointments, and do not feel like sharing my problems with her any longer. Im a big believer in cognitive behavioral therapy and don't feel like im getting any. I cant find much on switching therapists on the web, so links are helpful too! Plus, what is the proper ettiquette for making a change? Thank you.
Answers: I've been seeing mine for 4 years, loved her at first, saw progress and that stopped in June 07. I no longer look forward to our appointments, and do not feel like sharing my problems with her any longer. Im a big believer in cognitive behavioral therapy and don't feel like im getting any. I cant find much on switching therapists on the web, so links are helpful too! Plus, what is the proper ettiquette for making a change? Thank you.
I think NOW is the right time for you.
Start talking about your feelings about ending your therapy with this person.
I think it is great because you know what you want in terms of therapy. Tell your therapist you are going to look into CBT.
There is nothing wrong with doing this.
You are looking out for what you need at this time and this is progress. Take care of yourself and do what you need to do.
When the one you are seeing starts wearing his underwear on his head -- then it's time to move on.
This is bound to happen. You eventually know each other "too well." being a professional, this person should expect this from time to time and not take it personally. Explain how you feel you have a good relationship but maybe it has become to familiar and you need a fresh set of ears. You do not have to cut off all ties and this person should tell you that. You may decide, after seeing others that what you had was working and return.
I think being in a rut is normal. I think the best way to handle your situation might be to approach your counselor, discuss your feelings, that you don't feel you are still making progress, tell her what you do feel would be helpful and see if she is willing to make these adjustments. If she won't/can't then maybe she could pair you with someone who would offer what you need. After 4 years of work, I'd use the relationship you have established with her to get what you need. She may actually applaud you on your strength.
Your counselor should have been reviewing progress with you every six months or less. That is where you take a look at what your goals were in the beginning, what you have accomplished, what you have been focused on since the last review and what areas you plan to work in for the next six months. If this hasn't been happening it is time to ask for a review. It may be that you have a different idea of what you need to work on now than you had when you started. If you don't bring this up with your therapist then you won't make progress. Tell your therapist the things you brought up in the question you asked here. Don't forget that therapy is a two way street. Effort and investment is required from both of you and most of it must come from you as you begin to resolve problems and work on how to change the ideas and beliefs that got you where you were when you entered therapy. It is not that those ideas were bad to begin with, just that they no longer work in your life you have and need to make room for a better system of taking care of issues that are making life too hard.
This could be the most important piece of work you ever do - if you have the courage and the emotional reserves to make it happen. TELL YOUR THERAPIST how you are feeling. I am prepared to bet that there is a psychological reason related to your history for this change from loving her to being distant from her to have occurred. As your relationship with her has developed, you have hit something that connects to what it means to be close to someone. Hence, you will miss the 'best' bit, the piece that would really get you in touch with the core issues, if you just leave now.
I am curious as to why you are 'a big believer in cognitive behavioral therapy". The most obvious thing about CBT, compared with most other approaches, is that it does not recognise the importance of the relationship between therapist and client in the therapeutic process. So I guess this comment is figuring in with what you are saying about no longer looking forward to appointments - that something about relationship is sticky, difficult, painful, for you and you're trying to avoid it.
It is always good etiquette in therapy to talk to your therapist if you are wanting to end. It is important (even if you don't choose to do as I'm suggesting and really confront the issue) to honour the work that has been done and make a conscious goodbye.
If you do decide, having spoken with your therapist, to end, then finding another therapist is your responsibility. If you want to do some short-term CBT work, then obviously you will want to find a CBT therapist. But I do have to say that, while CBT is extremely useful in some contexts, it does not tackle underlying issues. I have several people in my practice who saw CBT people , thought they'd got somewhere, but within a few months realised that nothing had really changed. It needs the deeper underpinning work to be truly effective.
Whichever way you go with this, good luck.