My Son talks very rude to me for no reason. help?!
Question: even worse after he visits his dad. If i ask why-he complains-he does not like the way i do things or even what i talk about. Also he is very manipulative. Counseling has not helped.
Answers: even worse after he visits his dad. If i ask why-he complains-he does not like the way i do things or even what i talk about. Also he is very manipulative. Counseling has not helped.
Your son's issues are deeper than the words he uses on the surface. Obviously, his dad is a piece of the puzzle. How is his speech and behavior? How about dad's manipulativeness?
Sadly, teens with internal troubles will go to what the parent considers unacceptable behavior, rather than to speak the words of exactly WHAT IT IS that bothers them the most.
My teen's counselor related that we should observe the behavior, noticing when the behavior escilates, and for me to respond by giving more attention, making myself more available. As an exercise, we were to set a timer for 5 min. with the 2 of us in the same room. It was up to her to initiate talking. The first few days the room was silent during the exercise, and she had an attitude. As the days passed, she began to speak. With the speaking came my full attention, which she would never have revealed she craved. Before long we were going out for a Coke together, or to a store of her interest.
The time before a teen drives can be precious. They will talk.
is he maybe doing drugs?
hes just going through a hard time because his parents are separated
Give him silent treatment, stop making him dinner and be more motherly to others. Eventually, he will miss you. But you dont know what you got till its gone. When a boy is deprived of his mom, he misses her. Hope that helps.
put your foot down and tell him it is not allowed...call your ex and tell him it is no allowed...if you have to go to court and get a restraining order against your ex...that he can not bad mouth you in front of child.....
FORGET COUNSELING
if he is a TEEN- tell him he think he is a man be treated like a man tell him to get a job and give you 15% of his checks and he washes his own clothes or he get sent to his fathers house with just enough clothes to fit in his lougage bags
PRE TEEN- ground him. something like no computer, no phone, no outside time, no VIDEO GAMES
TODDLER- pop him and say no dont yell a mommy and take away his play time also you can pay more attentoin to others and he'll want the attention you gave them
I know where you are coming from. Same here with a 15 year old girl! Luckily I have a little experience and hope this helps. My girl is the 4th of 4 children. And I have found that her dad does not enforce any rules at his house. But I sappose he doesn't have to because he only sees her on weekends. I have found that a stop on the way home for a cheesburger or an ice cream cone helps in the transition. It's less than $10.00 and I don't ask any questions about what went on at dad's. Most of the time I have found that I don't want to know! She's back home and safe and that's all I want to know. Now if info in volunteered, I only listen. If she hasn't been put in danger there is no reason for me to comment!
either his father is bad mouthing you, or he may resent you for you guys not being a whole family. i say demand respect from your son, because its going to get worse as he gets older
This is a subject very dear to my heart! I have a niece who talks back to her Mom and calls her Dad a M...F..er! She hits her brothers and calls them bad names too. Here's the thing. When she comes to my house she says 'Please' and 'Thank you.' Yes 'Ma'am and No, Sir...'
Why?
I do not tolerate bad behavior. I also treat her with respect. I expect the same from her. I explain to her that life can be good or bad, it just depends on the choices one makes. If you draw a line with him and stick to it on behavior, he will likely accept it. He may not like it, but it's your job to set the rules in your house and his to follow them. I set rules and expect my kids to adhere to them. They expect me to pay attention to if they follow the rules or not. It's called consistency. Children feel safe when they know what to expect. They also feel valued if you take time to listen to them. My niece comes to my house for three months in the summer. She is an angel. She goes home during the school year and we e-mail each other all the time.
By the way, I also have a 13 year old daughter who does not talk back, or cuss, asks for my opinion on things in her life, and has her friends to the house for mega sleep-overs.
These are just a couple of examples of the many children in my life. What I am saying is I apply the above to them all and I get the same results. All good. They bring much happiness to my life because I know they are happy.
Good luck to you and your son. I'm glad to hear you have tried counseling for him and hopefully, yourself, too. These things do not just change overnight, or fix themselves without help. Education is very often the key to change and forward and positive movement toward where you want to be in your life.
kids being kids. his dad is probably saying bad things about you too.