Why can't I get over being molested?!
Question: I was molested by my doctor when I was a child... he was a friend of the family...and yeah, I'm really fucked up about sex as an adult as the result. I don't want what he did to still be controlling me but it does. I can't let any guy, regardless of how much I like him, get past second base. Hell, I can't even go the gynecologist because I begin to have a panic attack...I know they don't want to hurt me but the combination of it being a doctor and the touching just throw me into a panic. I want to get over it but therapy hasn't helped and the only thing I can think to do is get drunk and stoned off my *** and hope to lessen my inhibitions to where I can sleep with my friend...because I can't keep doing this. I'm 22 and terrified of sex. and of course when I tell any nice normal man this when we're making out, it freaks them out. someone help me. I need to get over my neurosis so I can go to the doctor and actually be in a happy relationship.
Answers: I was molested by my doctor when I was a child... he was a friend of the family...and yeah, I'm really fucked up about sex as an adult as the result. I don't want what he did to still be controlling me but it does. I can't let any guy, regardless of how much I like him, get past second base. Hell, I can't even go the gynecologist because I begin to have a panic attack...I know they don't want to hurt me but the combination of it being a doctor and the touching just throw me into a panic. I want to get over it but therapy hasn't helped and the only thing I can think to do is get drunk and stoned off my *** and hope to lessen my inhibitions to where I can sleep with my friend...because I can't keep doing this. I'm 22 and terrified of sex. and of course when I tell any nice normal man this when we're making out, it freaks them out. someone help me. I need to get over my neurosis so I can go to the doctor and actually be in a happy relationship.
No matter how many people say 'Get over it!" the sad fact is you will never be able to 'get over it."
Sexual Abuse in any form can destroy a person and I know, out of my personal experiance what types of toles it will take on someone. I was sexually abused since I was like 2yrs old, and up until I was 6yrs old. When I was younger I would not even go outside of my own house to check the mail. I still have panic attacks in certain situations, but for the most part I just try to give the world the benefit of the doubt. Not everyone out there is here to hurt you. We have to keep believing that. It took me up until I was 14 years old to even accept the fact that I was S.A. And it hit me like a ton of bricks. Life's gotten a little better now that I have accepted that what happened was not my fault, and there was nothing that a two year old girl could do to stop the horrors of what she suffered.
Everyone has to go through their "healing process" on their time. Keep fighting the battle. It's YOUR LIFE. That Monster is no longer watching you and waiting for you. Learn to trust and try VERY hard to keep in mind that not everyone is gonna hurt you. Breathe. Don't let that Idiot control what you do and stop you from doing VERY NORMAL things. Don't let him win.
Good Luck Hun ; )
This isn't an easy thing to get over. Many people that have been molested react differently. Go to a counselor, that sort of helped me. I was molested by a guy that I liked and as a result of it, sex is meaningless to me. When I have sex with someone I suddenly loose interest in them. However, doing drugs and drinking won't make things better and is only a temporary solutions.
Did you tell your parents or anyone about this? You need to. Then you need to see a different shink if the one you have isnt helping.
Bless your heart, Haley, there's no easy answer. But I believe that you've already made great strides in realizing that you want to remove the control that the past has over your present and your future. That's more than half the battle.
A partner who loves you and understands your fears will help you. Also ... consider this ... you are 22 years old. Commit to yourself that you will devote the next 12 months to counseling ... not with a gyn doctor ... but with a psychologist, perhaps a female ...
Commit to yourself that during the next 12 months you will not even think about having sex and therefore you will have the next 12 months fear free. Perhaps then, you can better deal with the issues.
Best of luck, Sweetie.
GrannySuze
I'm so sorry for you. My friend was adopted, & her adoptive siblings used to molest her all the time. Now, she's a bisexual and promiscuous sex addict. She always feels the need to touch people, & she's overly affectionate.
try not to look back to the past and look forward to your future I know it's hard but it's the only way. find a good female doctor and join one of those groups with people who have gone through similar situations you might feel better knowing you're not alone and can share your feelings with those who have been through what you have been through I wish you well and hope you get through this
I dont think you can ever get over it but I bet if you talked to a professional you could MANAGE it.
Maybe you mission in this life is NOT to get over it until you share your pain to help others....
YOu have done a great step towards that here.
How many other women reading this have you helped today...I would guess at least 100....WHY?
Because people reading this now know some of the inner workings of what this does to someone and will most certainly be more sympathic if someone they know or loves shares a story with them and thanks to you anyone reading this will never utter those dirty words ("get over it") to anyone going thru this!
This alone should make you feel awesome!
Also I think you will feel very empowered if you go to the police department and report it.
I don' t know if the statue of limitations is over (varies in many states) but if the police KNOW about it it might go a long way to protecting other girls.
I would also talk to a therapist about reporting him to the ethics board- for all you know there was another brave young woman who reported him and the two of you would be quite powerful in keeping another girl from going thru what you are going thru, that alone would make you feel like a hero.
YOu did not deserve this and none of it was your fault. I know you know this already but sometimes it helps to hear it over and over again...so when you are not reading this, LOOK in the mirror and repeat this to yourself EVERY DAY