Am I doing the right thing by staying?!
Question: My boyfriend and I are very much in love and we spend all the time we can together. He has severe depression though and has just been admitted into the hospital for the second time this month. The first time I was devestated and I cried every day for the 9 days he was there. He was released for a couple of days and had to be re-admitted for a different treatment because the previous one wasn't working well enough.
I don't know if I'm doing the right thing by staying with him. My mom told me it hurts her to see me like this because it's the saddest she has ever seen me. My parents both think I should end the relationship so that I do not suffer anymore. They think its a dangerous situation for me to be in so young (im almost 18).
My friends are proud that I am helping my boyfriend get through this incredibly hard time, but they also think its best for me if I end it. My boyfriend is 20 and the doctors say once he gets the right treatment he'll live a happy, normal life.
Answers: My boyfriend and I are very much in love and we spend all the time we can together. He has severe depression though and has just been admitted into the hospital for the second time this month. The first time I was devestated and I cried every day for the 9 days he was there. He was released for a couple of days and had to be re-admitted for a different treatment because the previous one wasn't working well enough.
I don't know if I'm doing the right thing by staying with him. My mom told me it hurts her to see me like this because it's the saddest she has ever seen me. My parents both think I should end the relationship so that I do not suffer anymore. They think its a dangerous situation for me to be in so young (im almost 18).
My friends are proud that I am helping my boyfriend get through this incredibly hard time, but they also think its best for me if I end it. My boyfriend is 20 and the doctors say once he gets the right treatment he'll live a happy, normal life.
Love... You said you and your boyfriend are 'very much in love'.
Yours is a tough decision to make, and ultimately it can only be your decision to make. What you can get from family and friends... and here, is only advice.
You know, some people go their whole lives without never experiencing real love. There are many 'levels' of love and as young as you are one can bet that you haven't experienced all those 'levels' however, I want to believe that you have found your first true love.
First loves are important, I can tell you from experience.
I left my first love when I moved to go to school in another state. We decided after many months to try dating others and somehow we got so wrapped up in our lives that we lost touch but what I learned from my first love was HOW to love and it defined all my relationships that followed. Every man I was with I measured up to my first love. My first love set the standard of how I wanted to be treated, touched and yes, made love to. But of course, I was deeply in love with him.
Ask yourself, are you that deeply in love with him?
I met a man two years ago and I am so in love with him that I know regardless of health and sickness that I would be betraying my happiness with him if I didn't stay by his side through the tough times.
That's why that phrase is in wedding vows, in sickness and in health.
Ask yourself, do you love him that much to stick through it?
Of course, if it were me, I'd ask myself if he loved me that much also, to stay by my side during my times of illness.
Maybe you shouldn't be asking if staying with him is the right thing to do but rather, how can you focus on your school work and your well being during the times he stays in the hospital.
When he goes to the hospital for treatment, it doesn't have to be the end of the world. Don't cry that he is getting the care and treatment he needs. The difficult times will pass and he will be out soon. When he has to be away, sure you will miss him, write in a journal about your thoughts and when he gets out you can give it to him but in the meantime, don't stop living. Go visit your other friends or family. Focus on you and school and remember that he is in a safe place getting the help he needs.
Best of luck to you
I am a lot older than you and I have suffered with depression for most of my life. Based on my experience I would separate yourself from your boyfriend and leave him alone for at least a year before you start up again. If he is going to get help he has to do it for himself. If you were my daughter I would tell yer to run not walk away from this person. You cannot, I repeat, you can do anything for him but in able him in his journey for help. Real depression is a life time deal. There is no quick fix. Please be careful. Your future is very important and you need to help yourself.
If you love your b/f then you should stay with him through this hard time its not somthing he can help and i'm sure him knowing that he is loved helps him alot and it is hard and you need to ask yourself if the love you two share worth this time of pain that may or may not end
If you are in love with him and believe that he will get better then I would attempt to stick it out with him. However, if he is bringing you down it may be time to let go. As I am sure you know, it will be very hard for him as well as you but the truth needs to be told. Good Luck
I feel you are young. This could be a valuable lesson you are learning. It could be the making of a big loving relationship. Only time will tell. If you truely love him then you will work with him and see how it goes. You have a lot of life to live. Learn now for later relationships, if this doesn't work out. I strongly encourage you to stay beside him. As long as he is trying.
OK...my best advice for your situation, is HELP YOURSELF! I know that may sound harsh, but it sounds like he needs to get himself straight before you can have a successfull relationship anyway...There is not really a point in both of you being unhappy. You can still "be there" for this person in other ways, just by being a friend and saying you have my support, but also I think you need this help, and I want you to be able to fully accept it and get it. If you are only 18 there is no sense in getting tied to a relationship anyway, you have so much more in life to experience! Its ok to be upset about him, and want to be by him as much as you can, but I feel that by letting him help himself, that would do more good than staying with him out of pitty or because you feel bad for him...He has to feel better about himself before he can be there for you, as you would need him to be....Cut the cord honey, and go get happy!
In the end, only you can answer this question. Is loving him worth the pain he causes in your life? Ask yourself if you can handle his depression without it dragging you down, too. Maybe give it some time and see if his therapy and medication works, but set yourself a flexible deadline, such as "If he doesn't get better in a year, give or take three months, it's time to move on."
This is a tough question. I have to disagree with the idea that once he finds the right treatment he'll have "he'll live a happy and normal life"...no, that isn't true. Life, for anyone, is not always happy and not always normal, especially considering his current situation.
Yes, he does need to find the right medication coupled with the right counseling. I'd like to suggest CBT if he isn't suicidal. What it is his diagnosis? Severe depression, caused by what? These issues, the root of his problem, need to be addressed if it isn't totally chemically driven. Even then, proper healthy diet and exercise are important.
But, back to you. It is true, you are young and it's tragic you are dealing with this. Ask yourself some hard questions; would you want to put up with this all of your life? What is holding you back right now from walking away? Is it really that great of a relationship that you'd sacrifice your happiness for this situation?
If I were you, I'd cut my losses if things don't change very soon.
If you love him and he's worth waiting for then wait for him. If you can't deal with his problems then there's no shame in walking away. Maybe it would do you both good if you distance yourself from the situation and give him time to adjust to the treatments he's getting and you time to calm down and get some normalcy back into your life. Good luck to you whatever you decide.