What should I do to help a family member in crisis?!
Question: My sister is having an emotional breakdown. The problem is she is not taking care of her 5 yr old twins. I want to help her, but I am not feeling sympathetic. I am feeling anger and frustration. I think the pain she is feeling, she brought onto herself. I also think it's selfish, and her kids are suffering for it. I have had to come to their rescue more than once, and now I feel I've lost patience for my sister's choices and the fact she isn't putting her kids first.
Should I stay out of her life, because it is making me angry, or should I try to be sympathetic and supportive even though I don't like what she's doing to her kids?
Answers: My sister is having an emotional breakdown. The problem is she is not taking care of her 5 yr old twins. I want to help her, but I am not feeling sympathetic. I am feeling anger and frustration. I think the pain she is feeling, she brought onto herself. I also think it's selfish, and her kids are suffering for it. I have had to come to their rescue more than once, and now I feel I've lost patience for my sister's choices and the fact she isn't putting her kids first.
Should I stay out of her life, because it is making me angry, or should I try to be sympathetic and supportive even though I don't like what she's doing to her kids?
This is a tough situation. My initial feeling is that the children may be in danger of neglect: not getting enough food, not being bathed, cared for, etc. If that's the case you may want to try helping her in order to help her twins. I know how angry you feel, because i face clients daily who are ruining their lives but i still serve them a cocktail of empathy, understanding, with a shot of reality. this is what i suggest for you. Start off by saying that you know how hard her life is right now and having twins to take care of makes it even more frustrating. Then comes the shot of reality, say something like: I think you are so unhappy that its hard for you to care for the twins the best way possible, so i think we should get you some help and in the mean time have a family member take a larger role. Without more information this seems to be an appropriate way to handle it. Good luck, take care
Dr. max S.
Tell her that she's f-ed up one too many times, but that you love her and give her what help you can without putting yourself out. If you can take the twins for a week, tell her to get evrything straightened up, give them back to her after she's had a short break...
That's a really tough situation, but try to be supportive and helpful. If she's having a breakdown, there's a very good chance that she CAN'T put her children first; she's struggling to hold onto her sanity.
Talk to her about medical intervention(it sounds like she needs it), and get her to a doctor if you can.
If she won't take steps to get better, I hope you can be an advocate for her kids, obviously they need someone to look after them. Best Wishes.