Who's to blame?!
Question: Why is it that when a woman is in an abusive relationship, so many people focus on the woman and blame her for the problems the abuser has?
Answers: Why is it that when a woman is in an abusive relationship, so many people focus on the woman and blame her for the problems the abuser has?
Depending on who is saying it, one reason I think people blame the woman and not the man is because they want to divert responsibility for helping the woman away from themselves by saying the woman is "allowing" it to happen.
Over the years I have seen violent relationships. My ex is in gaol for attempted murder (need I say more). Either way, people are so reluctant to even believe that serious abuse goes on all the time behind closed doors. If I had a dollar for every time I've heard someone way "well if I was hit I would leave and your just asking for it if you stay there" - my god, I'd be rich. So why is domestic violence so prevalent in western society?
If you don't understand domestic violence, and most of us don't, judging victims seems ludicrous (certainly to me!). It shows people's ignorance and lack of compassion. But in life you will learn that for everyone that has a good thing to say, another has a bad one! It's all about perspective.
The way I look at it is if a man hits me one time it is his fault. If he hits me twice its mine. I would never stay with a man that hits me and I don't think a man should stay with a woman that hits him.
That's an interesting question and I guess I never thought of an abusive relationship in that manner. I also never really heard of the victim being blamed for the abuser's problems...except by the abuser himself. Most people looking at the relationship from the outside wonder why the victim doesn't leave the abuser especially if there are children involved or why the victim returns the the abuser after leaving the situation.
It often seems that way doesn't it. Sometimes it's related to the women herself who often feels that it is her fault that this abuse is happening. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. So often we are so frightened of the consequences of "telling" as the abuser constantly tells us no-one will believe you. When we hear that enough times we begin to believe it, and when we do eventually find the courage to "tell" we make excuses for the behaviour of the abuser.
Any human being who hurts another vulnerable person, whether wife, partner, child, is often a coward, bully and insecure themselves. They rule by fear, intimidation and the mantra that "no-one will believe you" if you tell.
It IS a reaction you may find from friends, and I dare-say family too. But seek professional help, and you will find no such opinion there.
If it is you who are being abused, find the courage that helped you post here, and go out and get some help, it is the first step to learning you are not responsible, you are not to blame, and you are not a bad person.
P
They figure they can blame the victim because to them, it's the easy way out because they don't want to step in & help. @ the same time, when people see you going through a difficult time, they feed off of that & get a thrill out of making you feel worse, making you feel false guilt.
Also, they're ignorant & think that we "want to" be abused because we didn't say anything. Well, in my experience, the reason why I'm afraid of saying anything is because of fear that no one will believe or support me, & also if the abuser gets in trouble or @ least confronted, he might do worse harm than he's been doing.