How do I explain cutting?!
Question: I have borderline personality disorder and have been a cutter for several years. I've always been very cautious about hiding the evidence. But the other day my sister-in-law accidentally walked in the bathroom as I was getting out of the shower and saw the cuts and scars on my legs. She said nothing to me but approached my brother about it and said she was concerned about my 4 year old son. I am not angry at her, and I understand her worries and I'm very ashamed. How can I assure her that although I may harm myself and that I am sick, my son does not see this, know about this and is not exposed to anything that would be mentally or emotionally damaging to him. I know that I'm a good mother. I am on medication and I do see a therapist. What can I do to put her fears at ease?
Answers: I have borderline personality disorder and have been a cutter for several years. I've always been very cautious about hiding the evidence. But the other day my sister-in-law accidentally walked in the bathroom as I was getting out of the shower and saw the cuts and scars on my legs. She said nothing to me but approached my brother about it and said she was concerned about my 4 year old son. I am not angry at her, and I understand her worries and I'm very ashamed. How can I assure her that although I may harm myself and that I am sick, my son does not see this, know about this and is not exposed to anything that would be mentally or emotionally damaging to him. I know that I'm a good mother. I am on medication and I do see a therapist. What can I do to put her fears at ease?
See self harm, in section 16, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris and contact them, when you feel the urge to cut: print, and give one copy to your brother, assuring him that you are getting effective treatment, and would never harm children, and have suitable outlets now. Request that he ask her to remain silent. Get a lock on the bathroom: use it. BPD is addressed in section 15: check it out.
i also am a self harmer...
just plain out say this is how i deal with things when i start to stress. and that its not easy to explain. and really you can only understand it if you have done it or are doing it.
basically tell her what you wrote in here telling us.
You sound like a very great person and its very good that you are getting help. You just need to confront her and have a long discussion. Make sure that your son does not see any of the cuts because he will ask eventually.
my life sux i am ten i have moved more than four times and my parents are thinking about moving again my parents fight 24-7 my brother got kicked out and i caught my 17 year old brother smoking and i am not a cutter just when you get mad or upset take 10 deep breaths maybe cry let it out and or take a nap it will feel alot better ps. srry for telling you all my life i am just assuring you life is great and there is no way to explain cutting cuz you know people have it worse some ppl dont have a home or a son to love
You explained it very good in this question. Now that she knows perhaps it is best to come clean with all those that love you. They probably will understand better than you think. It would be so much more healthy for you. That should also put any fears at rest about whether you are a good mother. Good Luck!
I am a self-harmer too... I'm 26 (almost 27)
Don't try to appologize for anything... Present FACTS about your, and my, disorder and explain that this is a rather NORMAL thing for women and that it doesn't extend to anyone else around you.
Don't appologize, don't justify, don't get emotional...
Go to the library and get some books on this or print out the wikipedia.org entry http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_...
and present it with the facts and JUST the facts...
Tell her that this is a private mater that you are dealing with and how it is a VERY misunderstood disorder so you would appreciate it if she didn't go around telling everyone about it.
Those that NEED to know, know and that is all that matters.
Good luck my friend... This is a hard disorder to cope with.
I use to be a self-harmer....
i still have the blade i use...
i dont use it anymore though because i realized how much it hurts to hurt yourself....
and ever since i fount out that the guy i like..maybe even love... doesnt go for that stuff i quit....because i didnt want him to think low of me....
and the only person who knew was my best friend and she helped me quit by telling me that i shouldnt do it because it hurt her to see the cuts on my wrist and i told her i was fine...and that i did it out of being hated...and she said i wasnt
hated...i was just missunderstood by most people who doesnt understand what diversity means
just tell her WHY you do it...thats all i can say
i think a lot of the others here have given u very good suggestions. i just want u to know ur not alone and it's good that u realize that being a cutter doesn't make u a bad person in any way. i'm only in grade 12 but i was cutting myself for 2 years in grade 9-10. i still get urges sometimes but i've learned to brush them off. it hasn't been easy and i was lucky to have it last only a few years while for others it remains throughout their whole lives. i hope ur sister in law learns the truth about being a cutter. they're not bad ppl and would rarely harm a fly. lotsa ? PS-right on for seeing a therapist, that takes a lot of courage to admit that there are things u need to talk about and resolve
Wow I don't know where to begin OK one it is noway normal to self harm that is crap. You have tricked your body into releasing endorphins when you cut to make yourself feel better.
I do not think you would harm your son you sound like you love him very much and he needs you.
You have got to come to grips with this cutting issue. Yes your sister in law saw it and now you need to have a conversation about it before a rumor gets out of hand. Tell her this is a private issue and you would appreciate her not talking about it to others you are under treatment and want to keep this a private matter.
Think on this what has cutting every solved has it ever made a problem disappear? Did it ever solve anything? Was it only a temporary fix to make you feel better. It is a vicious cycle that hurts you and you deserve better. Your body is your temple. Try to love yourself enough that you don't hurt yourself anymore. Your little boy is going to pick up on the fact you do not love yourself enough to respect your own body even if he does not witness the actual cutting.
This is a problem you need to fix asap. Good luck sweetie you can beat this I know you can.