19, pregnant, depressed, confused....help!?!
Question: I'm 19 and found out 3 months ago that I was pregnant. I moved to the city to live with my best friend in late spring last year and i wasn't planning on this. He says he will be there for the baby which is good but he doesnt have a stable life- i just found out that he is not 30 as he said but actually 41!! He does illegal things but he has always treated me well. please dont judge too harshly. I am very depressed and I am constantly crying I just feel like my life is over. My mum was here to visit she said she will help but she lives like 12 hours away and has her own family. So basically I feel very alone. I have a hard time finding a job because I've become so depressed that I end up not wanting to leave the house or acting in the job interview so that people think I am some fake chic. My friends say that they'll help but it just seems so unknown. I know I need to find strength within myself but its soo hard, I just wanna die but the baby is what keeps me going. what would you do?
Answers: I'm 19 and found out 3 months ago that I was pregnant. I moved to the city to live with my best friend in late spring last year and i wasn't planning on this. He says he will be there for the baby which is good but he doesnt have a stable life- i just found out that he is not 30 as he said but actually 41!! He does illegal things but he has always treated me well. please dont judge too harshly. I am very depressed and I am constantly crying I just feel like my life is over. My mum was here to visit she said she will help but she lives like 12 hours away and has her own family. So basically I feel very alone. I have a hard time finding a job because I've become so depressed that I end up not wanting to leave the house or acting in the job interview so that people think I am some fake chic. My friends say that they'll help but it just seems so unknown. I know I need to find strength within myself but its soo hard, I just wanna die but the baby is what keeps me going. what would you do?
1. Ditch the criminal. That's paramount if you and your kid are to have a chance at a good go. Nearly 90% of homicide victims either are felons or are making company with known felons. Chosing your company is one of the most powerful and easy ways to influence the direction of your future.
2. Fake it 'till you make it: PRETEND when necessary. Pregnancy can play games with hormones - and hormones can play games with the brain chemistry of your kid, setting-up patterns that will manifest later.
Pretend that something wonderful is about to happen to you. And, it is - You're building a miracle of new life, and that life is springing not just from you, but from the uncounted generations that begot you. Those people survived all kinds of things, depending on your lineage. One thing is sure, they survived wars, famine, plague, and probably more. They certainly survived all sorts of personal challenges.
So, you've got good stuff in your genes; your bones. You have what it takes to buck-up and find a way to succeed and to raise your kid positively.
You only thought you were alone, when in reality you've got those generations of strength there inside you, and inside your child. Go look into the mirror - and deeply into your own eyes. See past yourself and past your parents and grandparents - and into the distant reaches of your ancestory and find, echoing down the ages, the strength for which you and your child are now living proof.
Smile, jump, laugh - even if you don't immediately notice the nearest reason to do that. Begin to feel good - and then you'll automatically notice the particular thing in your environment that's an excuse for such behavior - if only a bit of purest blue sky.
You can't overdose on that, btw. - especially every morning when waking and every evening when going to sleep - and right before telling someone why you'll be best for a job.
Good luck.
Pregnancy hormones can make women feel depressed. I think you might need to move back home where you can be near the support of your family.
Well, all you really can do is keep going. Things will get better..it will just take a little time is all. If you feel a need to talk to someone feel free to contact me.
I would put my baby first and push myself to get it together. I am a single mom and trustme it does get hard sometimes but it seems like you have a lot of people who support you and will help. Please get out and get a job being able to provide for your baby should be something to be happy about. I was 19 when I got pregnant 20 when I had my son I am 26 now and I own my own home and car and I have a pretty decent job with benifits. You will be fine I know you will
Go home. Let your folks help you. The guy you're with is "into illegal stuff" and lying to you. You and your baby deserve better. You want a stable life for your child.
Go back home where your family can suppport you. This guy sounds like a creep. How can he be your best friend when he lied to you about his age?
Have you decided to keep the baby or adopt it out? If you are going to keep it, it would be best to go back home, get a job and let your family help you. child-care, teaching you parenting skills and the like. If the father is a liar and does illegal things, I would limit my association with him. He is not a good role model for YOU or the child you created. But I would definitey put him as the father on the birth certificate and get child support. More than likely this type of person will not be there for the long haul.
Definitely move back to your folks for a bit. Think about it: they gave birth to you, so your mum understands what it's like to have a child growing in her belly, and what you are going through now.
You don't need to go through all this alone.
I suggest to move back home to. The fact that he is much older and lied to you makes me really think he wont do anything for the baby.
No offense, but I am sure he was just using you for sexual gratification. :( and that makes me sad.
Your friends will help if they are your real friends. Your mother loves you I am sure and still with her, because she will give you more low then some 40 year old will
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Honey, no harsh judgements on you. My heart aches for you. You really are so young to be facing all this.
Instead of wanting to die, being depressed, why not consider adoption? Your baby would make some couple who is ready now so happy.
This dude. You say he has always treated you right. Sweetie, he lied to you. That's a big difference in age. A man that age should not be getting a 19 year old pregnant. We know he's a liar. We know he does illegal things. We know he's irresponsible. Does that sound like someone who you dreamed of as a future husband or as a daddy to your children?
Look, don't think that you are out of choices. You DO have choices.
1. Keep the baby, raise it as a single parent--harder but still doable!
2. Give it up for adoption
3. Raise your child with a man you wo't be able to fully trust.
No matter what you decide on, please get reliable birth control in the future so you don't get in this situation again.
Listen to Dr Joy Brown on podcasts and live on WOR radio or online. You can call her and talk to her.She's a licensed psychologist.
But your question was, what would I do. I'd dump the creep. Keep the kid and get in school for something that pays well and doesn't take forever.
Sending you good vibes for clear thinking and the strength to do what's right.
God bless u and your baby, u so lucky, many people cant have a baby...
I'm the same age as you. It's hard to find a guy who will love you for who you are. Most want sex and throw you away. I have to say he should be ashmed of himself- he is no man, he is a bast*rd.
You are brave and strong, whats happened to you, you don't deserve. Don't for once blame yourself.
I think it'll be good to see a counsellor, you now have a baby who will have a wonderful mother you. And you need to be strong for the baby. Times like this most so called friends say they will be there for you but most won't.
Your family are the ones who should be there for you. Call them and move back and see them. Also talk to the GP who can put through some support like counsellor and maternity services.
I really wish you all the best, I hope you get through this situation.
i don't think u shud be depressed :)