Anyone who has been to Al-Anon or Alateen - Please Read!?!
Question: Hi! I am the daughter/grandaughter/niece of a family of alcoholics. This has affected me into my adult life. My father is the one I have the most trouble with. He has been sober for about 9 years. It seems like no matter how bad he treats me, I come back for more. I will do anything for him, despite the terrible things he's done to me. I started reading on the Al-Anon website and wondered if this might be right for me. I wanted opinions and experiences of people who have been there. What do they do? What do the meetings consist of? Based on this little snapshot I gave you of myself, would it be right for me? Especially since my father has quit drinking. Thanks!
Answers: Hi! I am the daughter/grandaughter/niece of a family of alcoholics. This has affected me into my adult life. My father is the one I have the most trouble with. He has been sober for about 9 years. It seems like no matter how bad he treats me, I come back for more. I will do anything for him, despite the terrible things he's done to me. I started reading on the Al-Anon website and wondered if this might be right for me. I wanted opinions and experiences of people who have been there. What do they do? What do the meetings consist of? Based on this little snapshot I gave you of myself, would it be right for me? Especially since my father has quit drinking. Thanks!
Hi Jackie. Yes Al-Anon sounds like it would be a great place for you. If there is Alateen in your area and you are a teen then that might even be better though you are certainly welcome at an Al-Anon meeting. There are also meetings called ACOA or Adult Children of Alcoholics that you might want to check out. Even though your dad has stopped drinking, he still has the "-ism" or disease. Alanon teaches you how to take care of you not how to help him.
What the meetings are like: A group of people from 2 to 222 gather in a room (hospital, school, church, etc.) and usually sit in a circle. Someone volunteers to lead and there is a written format for him/her to read. The meeting usually begins with the Serenity Prayer. After several people have taken turns reading some literature, then is the time for sharing. People sit quietly in the room and one at a time someone speaks out and says what they think of the readings or topic and how it applies or doesn't apply to what is going on in their life. If there is a small group then you might have the opportunity to share more than once but if there is a big group you might not be able to share at all. The meeting usually ends with standing and holding hands and closing with the Serenity Prayer or Lord's Prayer.
Did you ever question whether his behavior is like that because he was an alcoholic? Could it be he's just a jerk?
Why should you need a spiritual program because of someone else?
If your father has quit drinking for 9 years and is still a jerk, how well is his program working for him?
Sorry, 12step teatment doesn't work for alcoholics, why would the same program with very slight revisions work for non-alcoholics?
don't let narrow minded raysny deter you. do not take the word of one stranger---go to several meetings with an open mind and bring home tools to use to better your situation.
also, you said your dad is sober, but did not state whether he is active in alcoholics anonymous,...personally i feel if his behaviour is still bad after all these years, he is not sober-just dry! the folks that i know in AA that are working a program-they strive to better themselves, not remain assholes!