Talking to teens about eating disorder.?!
Question: My partner's neice has lost 45 pound in th elast year and now weighs around 80 lbs. She i s15. She has been under severe stress at home and she has been in and out of the hospital too many times to count this year, because she cannot move her bowels. I think that she is sub conciously holding her bowel and starving herself. What is a good way to open a discussion about eating disorders with her. I am concerned as I see these signs but it does not appear that the doctor's see this she also has a therapist that she goes to. I wish there was a way to express my concerns to her doctor or therapist to talk to her. But i can talk to her too. My partner and I are the very few people she can trust as her family has put her into this stressful spot and they are a detrement to her and I can't talk to them. (she's in fostercare, mother died, and her fathr is drug abuser) I just am very worried for her and want to help her but not lose her trust as it took too long to earn it as is.
Answers: My partner's neice has lost 45 pound in th elast year and now weighs around 80 lbs. She i s15. She has been under severe stress at home and she has been in and out of the hospital too many times to count this year, because she cannot move her bowels. I think that she is sub conciously holding her bowel and starving herself. What is a good way to open a discussion about eating disorders with her. I am concerned as I see these signs but it does not appear that the doctor's see this she also has a therapist that she goes to. I wish there was a way to express my concerns to her doctor or therapist to talk to her. But i can talk to her too. My partner and I are the very few people she can trust as her family has put her into this stressful spot and they are a detrement to her and I can't talk to them. (she's in fostercare, mother died, and her fathr is drug abuser) I just am very worried for her and want to help her but not lose her trust as it took too long to earn it as is.
If your friends neice really trusts you, then your communication needs to begin with her. She will not be surprised by this conversation. Hopefully her md and her counselor are in the loop, as this is a very common disorder. Particularly with all the risk factors you mention that she has to overcome. Remember a few things, it is not about the food. That is a symptom of her problem. People focus on the issue of intake because of the necessity to keep these girls out of the hospital and alive.. When we often neglect to dig further and talk about the reason she feels she has no control in her life. Judging from your description of her issues she has her hands full. Talk about how she feels when she eats and when she restricts her intake. Discuss what she can control safely like her grades, her exercise, her friends. Help her value herself. Good luck
tell her the flat out truth and scare her into getting back to being healthy. tell her she could die, her next visit to the hospital could be her last. she needs to eat, and shes only hurting herself. hope i helped.
Just ask her about it. But make sure that you are asking in a compassionate manner, not a condemning one. Make sure she knows that the reason why you are asking is because you care about her. Don't tell her about all the bad things that are going to happen to her... she knows all this. This will only scare her and push her away. Don't try to compare your life to her's by saying things like "well, when I'm having a hard time coping, I like to...' or 'once, when I lost someone close to me, I....' or 'I know how you're feeling" Saying things like this is a common response to wanting to help someone, but they are really more harmful than beneficial. They will only undermine her feelings. The best thing that you can do is be an ear and listen to her. If she confesses to you that she does have an eating disorder, ask her what she thinks are some steps that can be taken to rectify the situation. If she says she doesn't know, then ask her if she would like to hear some things that you think might help. If she says yes, then explain to her the benefits of counselling and inpatient treatment programs that mental health centers offer. Tell her that you will do everything you can to make her better, and stick to it! If you get stuck in the conversation, LET HER CONTROL IT. The entire conversation needs to revolve around her and her feelings... not yours! Good luck, I hope things work out. I tried to keep this concise, but therapeutic communtication has a LOT of info. Email me if you want some more tips on getting her to open up about her feelings!