Attention therapists?!
Question: I've been seeing my therapist for over a year and I really admire and respect him. I think he's helped me a lot. My problem is that I seem to think about him a lot - not in a sexual way because I'm not particularly attracted to him, but more in a imaginary / romantic sort of way. It's not like I really think anything would ever happen or would even want it to happen (we're both married) and I suspect I daydream like this because he does give me some sense of comfort and reassurance when I am anxious or depressed. I would like to talk to him about this and explore where these thoughts are coming from and learn from it, but I'm mortified to bring it up....any suggestions?
Answers: I've been seeing my therapist for over a year and I really admire and respect him. I think he's helped me a lot. My problem is that I seem to think about him a lot - not in a sexual way because I'm not particularly attracted to him, but more in a imaginary / romantic sort of way. It's not like I really think anything would ever happen or would even want it to happen (we're both married) and I suspect I daydream like this because he does give me some sense of comfort and reassurance when I am anxious or depressed. I would like to talk to him about this and explore where these thoughts are coming from and learn from it, but I'm mortified to bring it up....any suggestions?
I think it is brilliant that you want to talk to your therapist about this and explore where these thoughts are coming from for you. It is also apparent that you have built a very strong and trusting working alliance together.
As others have replied, the term for this is transference and it is extremely common. Most good, well educated therapists will be familar with this particular type of transference (romantic feelings) and will be capable of helping you work it through.
I am a therapist and have had similar conversations with a number of clients about this very thing. Although they were also very uncomfortable, particularly at first, we were able to get into some very good, illuminating discussions about where it was coming from and what it meant to them.
Best of luck to you.
I'm not a therapist, but i think maybe its just a simple case of admiration... you look up to him and trust him. That can mean a lot.
I don't know if i would have the guts to bring it up to him... but he is a professional and i'm sure that it wouldn't be the first time that he had it happen to him. I would think in his line of work it would happen often.
good luck
If you do, he may well ask you to find someone else: it means to me that certain things are missing from your marriage. Emotional intimacy and responsiveness? Discuss with your therapist the general fact that you are attracted to other men, and you think the above is the reason. Does he counsel couples, together?
This is SO common. Your therapist has probably dealt with this problem before--and if they haven't, he most certainly had it addressed in their education to become a therapist. Talk to him or her. There's a term for it: transference--read about it here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transferenc...
Trust me, this is really common. The only issue is whether you will act on your feelings--that's where he would be concerned, because it is an ethics issue. However, it is pretty clear that you wouldn't do that, and I'm sure he will recognize that.
You should bring it up with him. Therapy is useless unless you utilize complete honesty. Take a minute and google; 'psychology, transference'. Or, 'counseling, transference'. This snag in therapy happens often, and if he's a good therapist, he can re-direct your feelings in a way that will benefit you AND the therapeutic process. Good luck.