What should I do/say in therapy to start healing?!


Question: I have 'fake' conversations with my therapist in my head throughout the day and when I get to her office I feel like everything shuts down and my mind goes blank and I feel numb and I don't know wwhat to do or say. every week for the past four months I sit there, don't look at her (I can't look anybody in the eye) and when she asks stuff I say 'I dunno". Because in that office I really don't know. I get the feeling she judges me but I don't think it's a valid thing. It's just hard to open up. And the stuff I gotta talk about makes me want to cry and I don't like people seeing me cry. I wish she wouldn't stare at me. I feel two inches tall and get dizzy like I'm going to pass out. I need help to get help. I'm a mess


Answers: I have 'fake' conversations with my therapist in my head throughout the day and when I get to her office I feel like everything shuts down and my mind goes blank and I feel numb and I don't know wwhat to do or say. every week for the past four months I sit there, don't look at her (I can't look anybody in the eye) and when she asks stuff I say 'I dunno". Because in that office I really don't know. I get the feeling she judges me but I don't think it's a valid thing. It's just hard to open up. And the stuff I gotta talk about makes me want to cry and I don't like people seeing me cry. I wish she wouldn't stare at me. I feel two inches tall and get dizzy like I'm going to pass out. I need help to get help. I'm a mess

Is this the first time you've been to a therapist? Choosing a therapist is kind of like meeting a new friend. You just aren't going to click with everyone. Lots of people "interview" potential therapists to see if they will be a good fit. It doesn't sound like you are someone who would be comfortable doing that and I don't think I would be either, but it goes to show that not all therapist/client relationships are meant to be.

So it could well be that you and this particular therapist are not a good match. If you think it is more that you would feel tongue tied with anyone, writing what you would like to talk about is probably a good start. I know what you mean about having fake conversations and then drying up. I've done the same thing many times and not just in a therapy context. I have been the life of the party in my mind and then have nearly nothing to say when I get there. So writing it helps because you write it when the pressure isn't there and perhaps it would help your therapist get to know you a little bit better and give you a place to start.

As for her judging you, therapists have heard it all. She's more likely to be judging herself for not being able to figure out how best to help you. But when you find it hard to trust, it's hard to spill your guts to a virtual stranger. It's her job, though. She wants to help. That's why she went into this profession. She doesn't go home and say, "I had this loser today who cried," because for one, she doesn't see you as a loser, for two she is thrilled when she sees you cry because it means you're beginning to trust and open up.

So perhaps you need to evaluate whether the problem lies completely with you or whether you need a new therapist and then if you stay with her, keep a journal and ask her to read parts of it that you feel safe sharing. It's not easy to face our demons, but it sure is worth it when we come out of it whole. Good luck!!!

Write down what you want to discuss, and bring it with you. You could also give it to her too.

There are several things you could try to do. Don't think of the therapist as "judging" you but as a friend. Someone you can sit there, and UNLOAD all of your problems on. I was in your shoes. You need to UNLOAD those problems on her. Let the therapist do their job. And to do their ob, you have to tell the therapist about what is going on. And lying is going to help nobody. Therapists are bound by LAW to not tell what you tell then to ANYBODY. That means if she DOES, she'll be out of a job. But point is, unload your problems. You will feel loads better just after doing that. My strategy is to just open my mouth, and say it as I think it. Think of why you are in a therapists office. Eye contact is not important. I have yet to make eye contact with a therapist. The important thing is for he or she to get a feel for you, get to know you, and why you are int here.

And from a more point-blank statement, you waste your time, the therapists time, and yours/your health insurances money when you go there, sit there, and lie to the therapist.

i agree. write it down. she is a professional, she is staring at you because she is being attentive - she is there to help you not judge

I don't know how old you are or how long you have been seeing this therapist but maybe she is not the right one for you. The thing you must do is be determined to get help. Then you will be able to tell the truth, open up and cry if you need to, learn the new coping skills to replace the ones you have that don't work for you. It sounds like you don't trust this woman, ask to talk about trust issues and i think you will find an idea of why you are unwilling to trust her. Ask to see another therapist. She will not be angry if it helps you get better to work with someone else.

Why don't you try going to a different therapist? I'm in therapy and my therapist told me if I am not comfortable with her for any reason I need to let her now so that she can help me find someone else.





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