Morbid social anxiety - i have no life?!
Question: the more stable the situation, small gatherings, people i know well, the better off i am, but still strained - before, I drank large amounts of alcohol to cope but now I'm sober - little did I know sober would also seemingly include the following dictionary definitions: devoid of frivolity, excess, exaggeration; marked by seriousness, gravity, or solemnity of conduct or character.
Marked by circumspection and self-restraint...
and i'm basically sick of it, i have very low self-esteem and no prospects, nothing that could be construed as a validating life
"go get help!" yay right, tried that - talking to a total stranger about the most personal aspects of my life - ya sounds really pleasurable and assuring given my problem
I try to meet girls, but I can't even make new friends - I get freaked out even trying to make 5 seconds of small talk to order at Starbucks and have to plan out what I'm going to say, and plan for another 100 possible contingency scenarios
Answers: the more stable the situation, small gatherings, people i know well, the better off i am, but still strained - before, I drank large amounts of alcohol to cope but now I'm sober - little did I know sober would also seemingly include the following dictionary definitions: devoid of frivolity, excess, exaggeration; marked by seriousness, gravity, or solemnity of conduct or character.
Marked by circumspection and self-restraint...
and i'm basically sick of it, i have very low self-esteem and no prospects, nothing that could be construed as a validating life
"go get help!" yay right, tried that - talking to a total stranger about the most personal aspects of my life - ya sounds really pleasurable and assuring given my problem
I try to meet girls, but I can't even make new friends - I get freaked out even trying to make 5 seconds of small talk to order at Starbucks and have to plan out what I'm going to say, and plan for another 100 possible contingency scenarios
Simon unfortunately there is many people who suffer from social anxiety. I think it is great that you chose to get help rather than allow the alcohol to continue to get you by. I am not a doctor but I know several people who suffer from social anxiety, and I myself suffer from it mildly. I know several people who cover up there personalities with alcohol due to insecurities. When they are intoxicated they tend to make people laugh and people tent to enjoy being around them. The problem is those people who are accustomed to seeing them under the influence and cracking jokes has never really seen their real personalities. When they are sober people wonder what is wrong with them because they are not acting the same. People become insecure with themselves and feel that they cannot fit in or that people cannot like them unless they are intoxicated. I totally understand how you feel. I disagree with the medication solution. I am the type of person who will only use medication if it is very necessary. I believe that drugs cannot be good for us if they cause side effects. We never know the total influence they have on our bodies over time. However if you choose to take medication please go to the doctor first for a diagnoses. Do it the right way and let him or her prescribe you the medication he or she feels will work best for your condition. What works for one person might not work for the next person. There are many people walking around with the same problem and dealing with it without drugs. If you have people in your life that really cares about you, they would understand. Being open about your situation is the first step. Hiding your problem only causes more anxiety. You need encouragement and you need to feel as if you are accepted for whom you are. The only way that can happen is by letting people know what you are going through so they give you the encouragement you need to overcome. It will be challenging to confront your problem without medication, as you probably are aware; however, I think it is worth the effort. What is it that you like to do? I know several people with your problem who have hobbies and they surround themselves with people who enjoy the same hobby. For instance, I enjoy crocheting and I go to the yarn shop every Friday to sit around and crochet with others. I know a lot about crocheting and I feel as if I fit in there. Most of all I enjoy it. I think times like that is practice for me. Especially when someone comes in who wants to learn how to crochet. Teaching them builds up my confidence and helps me to be more relaxed in social surroundings. However, only you know how bad your situation is and whether or not you can succeed without medication. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do and please do not allow anyone to make you believe that you are a loser. No one is perfect. We all have flaws. Sometimes we do not see the benefits of our life challenges right away.
Good luck!
You have a social problem and alcohol will only make it worse because the only people that want to hang around with drunks are other drunks hoping someone will buy a round.
i agree, the alcohol will only make it worse so as you dont wanna talk to a professional you have to find out what is causing you this, and i was like you, i didnt want to go to a therapist, i m with one and i dont like it but it may help sometimes ,
One of our daughters has social anxiety. We didn't know until she was in college. In college she went to the college doctor and asked for a depression screening. When it came back that she had social anxiety, everything started to fall into place for her. They put her on Zoloft and within a month she bloomed into a wonderful, fun, and outgoing person. She still drinks and I worry about that but she told me that she wishes she had started the Zoloft in junior high. She told me that most people in college are on Zoloft. We all have a bit of anxiety in us. Our other daughter is even more introverted and prefers to be alone or have a friend or two. She spends a lot of time alone in her room. On some level she is happy. I think she may have ADD or Asperger's syndrome but she is in college and finding ways to cope. She is earning a degree in music therapy. I think her love of music has helped her keep a balance. We are not all meant to be social butterflies.
The antidepressant Paxil is probably your best bet. If you feel as bad as you say, it will help immensely. I know a number of people who have taken it and it's been life altering for them. Maybe later you would be able to replace it with talk therapy, but this is where to start. As I said it's an antidepressant, but it works miracles for those with social phobias. Here in Canada it cost about $60 a month.......if you live in the States, it's probably double that depending on the dose. Even if you try it for a few months, you're worth it. I don't want to make my answer too long, but I will say that my girlfriend's father suffers from Pick's disease which is a brain disorder and he would spend the whole day in bed. They gave him a low dose of Paxil and he now gets up and dressed every day, will carry on a conversation and be pleasant to everyone who visits. He is a completely different person and so much happier. Hope this helps.