Help for friend who is a cutter and has depression?!
Question: She is 30 years old and has only been cutting for the last few years. She does this when she is depressed and feels like nobody is listening to her or understands. Her family is so tired of her tantrums, and nothing they can do seems to make her feel any better. This last time she did it after an argument with her husband about making dirt cake: after the argument she laid on the floor whining and flailing her arms and legs, then went to her room and started cutting her leg. She's cut her wrists up before, and had to have stitches, and once they thought she might have to have surgery to repair damage. She said that is why she used her leg this time. To be honest, I think it's kind of irritating the way she behaves, always arguing and overdramatic, it seems like she is doing it for attention; but I also know she's hurting inside and I don't have any idea what to say to her, or how I can help. Any help or suggestions will be greatly appreciated!
Answers: She is 30 years old and has only been cutting for the last few years. She does this when she is depressed and feels like nobody is listening to her or understands. Her family is so tired of her tantrums, and nothing they can do seems to make her feel any better. This last time she did it after an argument with her husband about making dirt cake: after the argument she laid on the floor whining and flailing her arms and legs, then went to her room and started cutting her leg. She's cut her wrists up before, and had to have stitches, and once they thought she might have to have surgery to repair damage. She said that is why she used her leg this time. To be honest, I think it's kind of irritating the way she behaves, always arguing and overdramatic, it seems like she is doing it for attention; but I also know she's hurting inside and I don't have any idea what to say to her, or how I can help. Any help or suggestions will be greatly appreciated!
Wow, she sounds like she's gotten to the point where she feels she MUST make a scene if she's to get any attention/help. You're a very good friend for wanting to help her, and you are certainly only human for finding it irritating!
Cutting is done for a number of reasons, but it's frequently done for some kind of stress relief. When someone doesn't have an appropriate "release system" for a buildup of stress and/or negative emotions, cutting can help them release them. Some people cut simply to get attention (not because they are bad people, but because they just don't know any other way) and some people cut for both of these reasons.
Honestly, the best thing to do in this case is to let her know you love her and care about her, and that you want to see her feeling happier and calmer. Tell her you can see how upset she is feeling, and tell her you're sorry to see her like that. Basically make it about her (don't say "I know how you feel", "I know someone who went through this", etc. ...just let your words focus on her for the time being.) Encourage her to see a psyhologist (her family doctor can refer her to a good one in her area.) Just support her and encourage her to get professional help, as that's the only place she'll find real relief.
Good luck!
One of my friends was also a cutter. You need to be strong for her, too. Tell her, yell at her if you have to, to get her to understand that this isn't only hurting her, but it's hurting you and all of her other friends. If she got seriously injured, how would she be able to look at you guys if she knows that she's hurting you too. Tell her that, Be there for her, and intervene if nessisary. Loosing a friend is better than a friend being dead.
shes not going to listen to reason shes ethier going to keep on going like that or get better i hope she gets better. Ive been there and done that. Your doing a good job being her friend and trying to show her you care.
She needs mental help. It seems like she is doing it for attention, because she IS - she wants help and maybe she doesn't know how to get it for herself. Suggest speaking to a therapist or psychiatrist who can help her mentally and prescribe any medication that may be necessary.
UGH! I'm so so sorry you have felt like you've had to deal with this friend's self-destruction. I'd recommend some serious, and I mean SERIOUS help for your friend here. It sounds like she's in a cycle that is only going to get worse as time goes on--it will not end well if she doesn't get some help. It's one thing when teenagers act like this. But a thirty-year-old woman is a different story. The government has programs for people who can't afford to get help from regular counseling. It sounds like she probably has some serious baggage that she needs to work through--but that is not your job. She needs to be taken to a safe place where she won't be allowed to do this to herself (there are lots of inpatient rehab/counseling centers out there for people like her). Then she needs to be given the opportunity to decide if she wants to continue destroying her life, or start acting in a way that will help herself be a better person.
MOST OF ALL: Do Not Be An Enabler. I cannot stress this enough. When she throws fits like this, do not apologize, do not let her husband apologize. Do not take responsibility for her actions. She is not going to get better until people stop giving her the attention she craves when she does these things.
Well cutting is an addiction just like alcoholism, it can even be a stronger crutch than that. But also, many cutter are cutters to get attention. But you may not be able to do anything, no matter how much support and love you give her there is NOTHING you can do. I'm sorry, i had two friends who were cutters, one was seriously addicted the other did it for attention. Eventually the one got over it...mostly because of therapy. You may just need to state the facts, and say you will not tolorate it and you can't be a supportive friend until she get's help. Nobody can really do anything else.
what you friend needs mental help why? because she is 30 years old i think instead of her doing the things that she is doing to her body she needs to go out meet people start in a new hobby just keep things to do thought the day ... i don't know she needs help