Dr Phil would say I'm an enabler. . .?!
Question: but how do I take care of my husband and say no when necessary? I don't think he understands the difference.
Example: he should quit drinking- if he wants a beer and asks me to get him one it's just mean if I say no when I'm right there at the fridge anyway.
or he should be working but if I have money to pay the bills am I enabling him?
Answers: but how do I take care of my husband and say no when necessary? I don't think he understands the difference.
Example: he should quit drinking- if he wants a beer and asks me to get him one it's just mean if I say no when I'm right there at the fridge anyway.
or he should be working but if I have money to pay the bills am I enabling him?
first of all, don't keep beer in the fridge if your husband shouldn't be drinking and definitely don't get him for him like some kind of maid servant. furthermore, since he's not making any money, don't buy him beer in the first place. you can go ahead and pay the bills -- things that are for the family and keep your credit good -- but if you let your husband have an all-access pass to the money when you're the only one bringing it in, yes, you're enabling him. instead, pay the bills yourself, buy the groceries yourself, but don't allow your husband any "recreational" money. cut his credit card if you have to. take his name off your bank account. don't buy him beer. don't buy him cigarettes. heck, i wouldn't even put gas in his car. when he starts making money again, he can decide how it's spent. until then, treat him like a little child who's not allowed to make such grown-up decisions. you can make him do the housework too, since he's home on his butt all the time.
good luck!
Yes, you need to make some rules. You're paying the bills so stop buying him beer, and make him find a job like in a month or two and if he doesn't then kick him to the curb.
Of course you are. But if you're happy being married to an unemployed drunk, no one can tell you that you should be doing otherwise. Personally, I don't understand it, but to each his own.
try alanon, or do some research on detaching with love
my ex-husband was like that. as a psychology student i can assure you that yes,you are an enabler. you need to be firm in your decision. if he get upset plainly state to him that u are not his slave.
First of all Dr. Phil is full of crap most of the time.
Second, why not just offer him water or something else instead when he asks for a beer. Or since you're the one paying the bills, why not just stop buying beer? He will be forced to work for his booze at least......
I don't know why women put up with such pathetic excuses for men.
he doesn't work? at all?how does he even get beer w/out money? is he an alcoholic? why should he quit drinking? and how long has this been going on? don't let him use you, if that's what you mean. he needs a job. don't buy him beer, period. then maybe that solves both problems? sounds like you need to do something big to make your point known. (that is i am assuming you have tried talking to him about it many times already -- if not, start there, obviously).
excuses, excuses..
If you're the one working.. WHY are you even buying the beer?? If he has a problem drinking and you're buying it - YOU'RE THE ENABLER.
You're trying to justify your behavior with the "I don't want to be mean" crap. Get mean and don't buy it, don't give him the money to buy it. Tell him if he wants to live there he needs to get a job and pay half the bills or get out.
You can make excuse after excuse, but until you lay down the law, you're letting it happen and there is no excuse for that.