Why am i such a horrible person?!
Question: sorry if this is the wrong section but im not exactly sure where to put it.
long story short i sent a stupid stupid email to my boyfriend to find out who he fancied. he already knows i cant trust people cause ive been hurt so many times its unreal. so now he wont even see me to talk about it, calling me a snake and a sneak. im such a horrible person. he wont even let me explain mhy i sent it. he doesnt know ive been having suicidal thoughts again and that once again ive stopped eating. havent even told him that once again my trust has been broken in a huge way by another supposed friend. in september i moved to london and im still struggling alot. i just feel so horrible, like i dont even deserve to be alive cause im such a bad person.
please dont say talk to someone, ive tried before and i cant or if i do they stop talking to me.
why cant i just be normal and loving instead of hurting the people i love.
Answers: sorry if this is the wrong section but im not exactly sure where to put it.
long story short i sent a stupid stupid email to my boyfriend to find out who he fancied. he already knows i cant trust people cause ive been hurt so many times its unreal. so now he wont even see me to talk about it, calling me a snake and a sneak. im such a horrible person. he wont even let me explain mhy i sent it. he doesnt know ive been having suicidal thoughts again and that once again ive stopped eating. havent even told him that once again my trust has been broken in a huge way by another supposed friend. in september i moved to london and im still struggling alot. i just feel so horrible, like i dont even deserve to be alive cause im such a bad person.
please dont say talk to someone, ive tried before and i cant or if i do they stop talking to me.
why cant i just be normal and loving instead of hurting the people i love.
I think you found the right section !
things sound pretty rough for you right now- are you getting any help or therapy? for both your eating disorder and obsessions and suicidal thoughts?
You can get help via your GP, you have to tell them whats up and they will refer you to see someone who can help you.
In regards to being horrible, this is your boyfriends judgement, not yours and your boyfrined doesn know the true story, you are maybe unsure and paranoid about being hurt but this doesnt make you apranoid, it does make you stuck though and in order to get out of feeling that way and learning to trust, you may need therapy or at the least an understanding boyfriend who listens!
Have you tried the b-eat webiste? www.b-eat.co.uk if you register you can then join in the message boards where there is a wealth of support- I post there quite abit and so do many others.
B-eat also offer a umber you can call them up on, its also on the website.
Dont forget the samaritians, I know you have said you feel suicidal but you done have to be suicidal to call them.
Your in London right? (I am also in Lonodn) there are like 4 or 5 eating disorder groups in london you can go to, b-eat also shpw this on the website. I also find in Lonodn you can feel really really lonely as its so buisy, -I have lived here my whole life and I still find it lonely and iscolating. Try to keep in contact with your friends, talk to them, get their advice, you are not mad or horrible or nasty, you are juest very hurt.
Get yourself some help babe.
from jennie
I honestly would try talking to a psychologist or something. They wont stop talking to you unless you stop going.
I don't think your a horrible person from what you've said. You've had trauma in your life. People who haven't don't understand what it is like not being able to trust people or be the "perfect" person. I've been in your situation and it doesn't get better unless you try telling the person you think your hurting what your feeling. Tell them everything you wrote. Tell someone professional too. They'll listen.
Talk to someone, but not someone who is a peer, they tend to get freaked out. Talk to a professional counselor. You really need to figure out that you are a wonderful person with some insecurities, not a horrible person.
Your ex is a jackass for treating you so poorly. You not only deserve better, but you will find and get better.
Your friends either aren't really friends, or you are taking things too personally. I can't tell you which from this description, but a shrink could help you figure it out.
Get to a Borders, buy a journal, and start writing it down. You will find that you work a lot of this out on your own.
Every morning and every night I want you to look in the mirror and say "I love you" to yourself. It will help more than you can imagine.
Find a half gallon of your favorite ice cream, or a tub of cookie dough and sit down in front of your favorite movie. Bet you eat before it's over, and bet you feel better when you've had a good cry.
You remind me of me. It does get better. I promise.
Your past is controlling your future. have a clear out and move on.
Try and seek a herbal remedy.. sometimes when you body is in overdrive and your minds constantly going you body goes into melt down.
there is actually nothing wrong with you. You relies your faults and you try and make it better which is a good sign.
Moving would of taken alot out of you so going to see a herbalist can help you get back on track.
You may have some vitamin/mineral defiance's, that can change a person behavior easily.
see if the herbal people can find some herbs to make you relax, unwind and help you cope with matters of the heart and life just be open and honest with them they will be able to help.
Have you heard about those kids that adhd and then they start taking a fish oil tables which has helpt them alot.
Ok...wow. First sweetie, you having this trust issue is crippling yourself. We have ALL had someone break trust. That doesn't mean that you never trust again... well unless you want to be alone forever.
This sounds like a repeating pattern that you have had with this man. Mistrusting him and testing him just seeing if he will slip up is absolutely ridiculous.
It also sounds like you turn to this man for a lot, and possibly guilt him into staying with you with behaviors like suicidal ideations, restricting food, and emotional devastation. You are making yourself into a mess and wanting him to feel sorry for you and rescue you.
People stop talking to you because you are not helping yourself, but depending on others to save you. STOP!!!!!
Pick yourself up, learn from this experience and look to yourself to process the past and go on!!!
You would benefit from talking to someone, but in the meantime don't use the term "horrible person" about yourself. Sounds like you have perhaps made mistakes (like we all do), and if you've been hurt you will find it harder to accept your mistakes.
Unfortunately life doesn't share out hurt equally, and our task in order to survive is to deal with the challenges we have been given. But some of us need support with that.
When you say you've spoken to people and they've stopped talking to you, it may be because they haven't the experience or skills to help you. There are people who do, so please use your GP or a counselling service.
What about looking for a phone help-line?
There are other people with the same view of themselves as you, and things can improve.
You've been hurt many times? You should probably lay off relationships for a while.
Being in a relationship means that you are ready to SHARE yourself with someone not GIVE. If you're struggling in life in different areas (emotionally/mentally) then you are not ready to be with someone. You said that talking no long assists in your attempt to heal so it's quite obvious that tangling yourself in a relationship which requires emotional strength and communication is not for you.
Have you tried medication?
You're not a horrible person. That male is very disrespectful. If he loved you he wouldn't be offended with your honesty. Asking him about someone that he fancies is not being a snake it's being honest. It means you are having a doubt and are willing to share how you feel with someone else rather than bottle it up. That's not honest.
Also, people that become angry (especially males) about such topics as "are you cheating on me?" "do you like someone else?" are most likely cheating. Being possessive..it's in their nature.
You should take time off from males and think about who you are, what you want to do, and what you desire in life.
Do you want to be single or married? Do you want children or not? Will you make sure that your future partner is on the same chord as you are?
Because you have had many bad relationships, it seems like that you are attracting the wrong type of person yes? First of all, what are you looking for? My advice is to rule out these desires: good looks, intellect, humor, nice, hot.
Having good looks/being hot is a matter of perspective. Have you ever watched COPS and seen the trash that hooks up? Yes, everyone has something nice about them apparently as far as looks goes.
Everyone has some type of intellect although we are all lacking in one area or the other.
If someone wasn't nice you'd most likely turn them down right away. That's common sense.
Finally, everyone has a sense of humor whether it be corny, light, wicked, or sadistic.
What I suggest is that you drop this guy and look for someone else. It's obvious that he is willing to become unstable at a moments notice. Imagine what could possibly happen to you in the future with a temper like that.
My suggestion to you is to look for: wisdom, patience, stability (mentally stable), and symmetry (after all you want both eyes on the face not on the ***).
These qualities, although a bit difficult to find in a male, are the most pure yet possible. No one is perfect, however I think both you and I would agree that you need to attract a different personality type.
Settle your depression problem and whatever problems you have (that are not long term like getting a new liver). It's easier to do when it's just you. Be honest with yourself. Remember sometimes the truth hurts. You can either recieve pain (as you have been) or find acceptance (learn about who you are and what YOU want).
Good luck.
there is no such thing as normal dont worry about that. You are you and no one can change that but yourself, that is what makes you special! However, i do agree you should not let your past dictate your future, try to learn and trust, at the end of the day it is earned. Until you are given a reason to distrust someone remain secure and contempt with the people you love. Like love ... trust is earned therefore deal with trust the same way you deal with the way you love someone.
Best wishes,
Well the most important start is wanting to be a nice person.
Horrible people don't want to admit they are horrible, so I bet you are a lot nicer than you think.
BUT, suicide is selfish, and jealousy is destructive, it's interesting to note that detruction is a theme with you.
Did you know that when you are so frightened of being hurt again, you actually adopt an attitude which causes you to get hurt again?
Now look what you've done!!!
So, the question is what are you going to do about it?
I would start with the willingness to repair. Send him a long long letter saying sorry. Take out anything negative and write it again. Do everything to make up with him, then find a way to let go of your hurt from the past.
The person above me said seek help, and you said 'don't say talk to someone', but I am sure that if you look at what I just wrote you will see that your past problems are upsetting your present. Go and speak to your doctor and tell him this.
Unless you can find a way on your own. Never be afraid to ask for help.
Im not going to say talk to a counselor....If you have a older sister or brother that you can talk to, that may help. If you have talk to a counselor before and it evidently didn't work then try something different. Someone said don't talk to a peer well maybe that peer maybe a little bit more experienced or understanding. DON'T GIVE UP just because you made a mistake doesn't mean this person is rejecting. He was in you life for a reason and maybe his time is up.... im sure he isn't even worth your time anyway.
Hi there,
Please don't think so badly of yourself, you aren't a bad person and I'm sure that you don't intentionally hurt people..... you are suffering and are trying to reach out for help.
Unfortunately the people you have chosen to be honest with haven't been prepared for the kind of answers you have given, and so they have backed off because they didn't understand and were probably quite scared by what you said.
It's happened to me on many many occasions, and I used to think the same way that you do. It feels as though everyone leaves you when you tell them the truth, so then you don't know what to do and start to punish yourself. The key is finding the right people to talk to about this, people who are trained and understand about mental ill health and who won't be freaked out by what you say to them.
The best thing I ever did was go to my local Mind association, it was tough at first as I was very wary and didn't feel I could trust anyone, but eventually I began to open up. The people there didn't judge me and they listened to me when I needed to talk, they offered support and understanding.
Please use this link to find your local association:
http://www.mind.org.uk/mind+in+your+area...
you don't need to be referred by anyone else, you can just give them a call to find out when they are open and then call in. They are very informal, which was a great help to me.
It would also be a good idea to talk to your GP about all this. Again, he/she won't be shocked by what you say and they will be able to offer you support and treatment. That is what they are there for, so they won't leave you if you tell the truth.
A good idea would be to write a list of all the things that are causing you distress and take it with you. If you get upset or anxious you can ask the Dr to read it, or it will help you to remember what to tell them. They can then assess the best way to help you, which may be medication or a referral to a counsellor.
These links should help you as well
Understanding depression:
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Bookl...
Understanding eating distress:
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Bookl...
How to cope with suicidal feelings:
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Bookl...
the information is easy to read and understand.
Please try some of the things that I have suggested, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Believe me, you need and deserve to get the help and support that will help you to see that you are a worthy person.
Hope this helps.
If you've been having thoughts of suicide, see your doctor. You are probably clinically depresed, and your doctor can help you. It won't go away on its own
Hi hun, well i think ZBDboing said a lot of good stuff! I really feel for you, i've been there before and it's not a nice place! You just gotta learn to love yourself. Don't concentrate on the bad bits (everyones got some), focus on your good points. Don't spend your life expecting to be a victim or you'll always be one. Please don't do anything silly. xx
How on earth do you expect to get better if you don't get help?
You need to go to your GP first - that is what they are there for - to help you. he/she can refer you to the best health professional for you.
You can not expect to get on with people and have "normal" relationships if you don't open up to people.