What is the best way to help someone that is grieving over a death?!
Question: I know professional counseling is in order, but I love this man. What is the best way to help him?
3 years ago his girlfriend died in a tragic car accident that killed her. He was in the car but lived. Although he wasn't the driver he really loved her.
I've been battling and agonizing over this but finally realized that although I love him, it isn't about me anymore. It's about his recovery. If I end up with him, wonderful but I don't want to help him for the sake of me being with him, I want to help him for HIM.
How can I help him best? Talk about it? Is it healthy or serve a purpose for him to talk about her and how much he loved her to heal? I really don't know how to help someone with this kind of grief.
Now that I have given up my selfish (well, not selfish but in theory it is) needs to be with him romantically, I know he needs a friend he can trust.
I wouldn't do this unless I loved him as much as I do.
Please help me as I'm not a Psychiatrist!
Answers: I know professional counseling is in order, but I love this man. What is the best way to help him?
3 years ago his girlfriend died in a tragic car accident that killed her. He was in the car but lived. Although he wasn't the driver he really loved her.
I've been battling and agonizing over this but finally realized that although I love him, it isn't about me anymore. It's about his recovery. If I end up with him, wonderful but I don't want to help him for the sake of me being with him, I want to help him for HIM.
How can I help him best? Talk about it? Is it healthy or serve a purpose for him to talk about her and how much he loved her to heal? I really don't know how to help someone with this kind of grief.
Now that I have given up my selfish (well, not selfish but in theory it is) needs to be with him romantically, I know he needs a friend he can trust.
I wouldn't do this unless I loved him as much as I do.
Please help me as I'm not a Psychiatrist!
He has Post-Tramatic Srress Disorder...He needs to go to counseling to resolve it...and feel every bit of pain he's holding inside so he can let go! Then there's the sub-concious that is keeping the same mess locked inside him....
If he finds a good psychotherapist to work with hell be fine...it takes time and men w/that macho I'm OK doesn't help. He need help to resolve it. What a Sweet Lady he has!!!!
i lst my dad in nov and time is the best pill just be there for him he has to know god spared him for a reason and he will see it someday i wish him luck cause i anm having a hard time myself just talk to him and he may need to talk to a perfissial
Three years is a long time. This is not grief anymore. It is something more serious than grief. He should see a therapist.
However, if you want a relationship you are going to want to know all about it, too. So let him talk, encourage him to tell you.
have hope and faith because without that we have nothing. Believe that one day you will be reunited. It helps to be positive, even though its a dark time - surround yourself with positive people be it real people or a comic on TV, don't keep things bottled up - talk to someone you trust and that's mature enough to have and understand. Next, all you can do is get on with life the best way you can.
You don't have to keep grieving just to remember that person and keep their memory alive. For someone that important in your life cannot be forgotten, just remember their more happier and fun times.
P.S if you believe in the other realm, ive heard that mediums can tell you where this persons soul is, he may not have crossed over as may be worried how you are couping.
A good book is "Are you psychic" by Dorothy chitty.
Hope this helps
Sometimes it helps to create some act of rememberance for the lost one. For example, if someone feels sad on the days surrounding the anniversary of the death, they could fix a special meal that their loved one liked, or visit their favorite place, or donate time/energy/money to a cause that their loved one felt passionate about.
Hi Rock. This is an unusual case. Normally there is a need to talk about it enough to allow yourself to grieve and to let your mind process through all the phases from denial on through to acceptance. People who don't do this will direct their feelings and suffering inward. Long term and family relationships often take much longer to process. This case is unusual in that it has already been 3 years, they were never married and he was not the driver. Pure speculation but there could be some unstated guilt if for instance everyone in the car had been drinking and knowingly let the driver drive while impaired. Not likely but a wild speculation trying to understand still feeling this strongly after 3 years. I was also struck by your comment about your desire to be with him romantically. I would find it highly unusual for a man to be avoiding physical love under these circumstances. You can't make him talk when he doesn't want to but if he is willing, I do think it would be a good idea to talk to a psychologist. Talk to him and see if he's willing to go. I applaud your concern and your efforts. I wish all of us had someone as caring and unselfish as your actions demonstrate. Good luck.