What do i do about my son and his addiction?!
Question: my son 19 who is bipolar needs to go back into rehab. he went 2 years ago, and yet continues to drink, smoke pot and who knows what else along with his bipolar meds, now he is having trouble sleeping, he is missing work and will probably lose his job which also means lose his insurance. he lives with his dad and we cant convince him to go back. i am distancing mysef from the situation because he is not a child and i have to stop enabling him and stop pretending that i dont know how serious it is. Is this the right thing to do? i know i need to go back to Alanon but how do you stand back and just watch???
Answers: my son 19 who is bipolar needs to go back into rehab. he went 2 years ago, and yet continues to drink, smoke pot and who knows what else along with his bipolar meds, now he is having trouble sleeping, he is missing work and will probably lose his job which also means lose his insurance. he lives with his dad and we cant convince him to go back. i am distancing mysef from the situation because he is not a child and i have to stop enabling him and stop pretending that i dont know how serious it is. Is this the right thing to do? i know i need to go back to Alanon but how do you stand back and just watch???
I am a recovering addict myself..and i can tell u from 1st hand experience that as long as my family continued to enable me ..by giving me money..shelter..even just verbal support when i would call at all sorts of random times crying that i couldnt stop ..i felt this sense of safety..i believed that i could push my addiction as hard as i wanteed because thier would always be someone there to pick me up off my face when i fell down....and for awhile they did do just that..until..they realized that they were just as big a part of the problem as i was.
One day things changed..just like that they changed..my family said do what u have to do.. and we will support u...continue using..and ur on ur own...of course i tested the waters plenty of times, but i finally got the message and when i had fallen for my last time..there was nowhere to go..no one to go to..so i went back into rehab..even while i was there they said.."show and prove"...let us see that u are serious and then maybe then we can help u...they stuck to thier guns and i cant thank them enough today...if it had'nt been for thier tough love and strength..i would either be dead ..or still out there!!
I am happy to tell u that i went from being a 30 bag a day heroin shooting junkie...to having three and a half years clean..i got my children back and a life of freedom from active addiction. alot of the work i did myself ...but if my family hadnt lit a fire under my *** i know i would still be out there!!!
It is hard..i have children myself..and i cant imagine having to do the things my family, and ur family are having to do....but if it will ultimately help ur son..why not ...the pain of burrying him will be far worse..trust me i have experienced that as well..w/ my own child and it still haunt's me to this day...be strong ..have faith and stick w/ ur own support network..wether it be family or alanon...u can do it!!
I hope my bit of experiece has helped u...i will keep u and ur family in my prayers!!...~namiste~
report him to rehab and force him there. it may hurt now but it for his best intrest!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so sorry that you have to bear the burden of your son's poor choices.
You stand back and watch until he falls on his face, then you are supportive until he can stand on his own.
How did he learn that fire is hot? Because you let him feel the heat.
It's no fun watching your children fail at anything. But it is the fact of this world.
OR you can continue to enable him, and be asking this same question when you are only receiving SSI and you have a 40-year old drug addict son hocking your only TV set.
Best of luck, and prayers with you.
Yea...
I and usally against what I'm about to say but yea it looks like its really needed here.
You need to support him, help him do what's right. Tell him that if he continues this, he'll lose everything. Trust me, it may be the sad truth, but he has to figure it out. Hope things get better.
~Maddie
If he is buying drugs and alcohol using your money, stop giving him money. He is an adult. Even though he is bipolar, cutting him off financially is still reasonable if he is not responsible with your money.
If he is buying drugs with his own money, then that is mostly his problem since he is an adult and can spend his money on whatever he wants. If he loses his job and winds up in jail, those are the choices he is making and there is not really anything you can do aside from pressuring him.
My family is going through a similar problem with my 20 yr old nephew. I know how hard it is to stand back and watch but honestly no matter how much you do for him, he has to make his mind up that he wants to get better. Unfortunately it is possible that he will never want to get better and continue this pattern for the rest of his life. If you don't distance yourself you are going to be hurt, used, and maybe eventually resent him. Let him know that you love him and that when he makes the decision to get better that you will provide emotional support but that he will be responsible for his own financial support. I really agree that you need to attend a support group to meet your emotional needs.
They say tough love is the hardest thing. But it's the right
thing to do. He won't get help until he wants to stop. You
can't make him. Try to get him to watch "Celebrity Rehab"
on VH-1 or MTV, I forget which one, and tell him to pay close
attention to Jeff Conaway, who used to be on "Taxi"--he
is so sick and in such bad shape I didn't recognize him!
Tell him this will happen to him if he doesn't stop. It will
either ruin his life or kill him if he keeps doing it.
no he is not a child but he is your child they would have to be shoveling the dirt on his grave before i would stop fighting for my child i would never distance myself never and what will you do if he overdoses or kills himself some other way you would never forgive your self for not being there to stop it . Get this kid into rehab and let him know you are there for support if he needs it dont write him off as too hard
Uhm okay, I know how hard this can be, but rehab is the answer. I would suggest not letting him come out until he is alot better. Your his mother and I know this must be devastating but keep in mind that as long as you have life you will always have a second chance. Take him to rehab. No matter how long he will be there. Good luck and best wishes
xoxo
It's so hard to stand back and watch your child slowly kill themself. Don't help him out financially, or you will just be enabling him. Help him out emotionally if he needs it, or help him get into a LONG rehab and hopefully something will stick. These 1 month rehabs don't work at all. At least 6 months. Don't let him use you because that is what people on drugs will do. He may not be bipolar, it could very well just be the drugs. Hopefully he will "hit his bottom" and realize that he is a drug addict and will seek help. He can only change if he wants it. I am a drug addict in recovery. I have been clean for three years. I went to a 6 month rehab and it changed my life. I was diagnosed as being bipolar, but it was an improper diagnosis and it was just because of the symptoms drugs afforded me. Mental conditions can only be treated and diagnosed after he is off the drugs. I used to use my mom badly and put her through hell. I would lie and say I needed money or this or that, and really it would all go to drugs. Eventually she turned her back on me, which was the best thing she could have done. Everyone turned their back on me and I lost everything. I was even homeless. It was only then after I had nothing left that I decided to get help. It was that or shoot myself in the head, to be blunt. NA meetings now help a lot. My life is wonderful now, and I have a great relationship with my mom. The best of luck to you. I have a brother still using drugs, and it's heart breaking. I wish I could just tie him up and make him stop.
He could be doing a lot of worse things than smoking pot and drinking. Missing work is a problem and more than likely he will lose his job over it. He is a legal adult at this point and I don't think without his consent you can do very much about it. The best thing a parent can do for an older child is to try and talk to them. Don't talk to them like a parent telling them what to do. Talk to them like an adult and find out what makes them make their choices. Could be the pot is to help him sleep or it could be that he just feels he has to have pot to get by.
Ratting him out is only going to make matters worse. The best thing here is to just try and continue to talk to him.
Well, maybe you should talk to your son personally about what he really wants in his life. Just listen to him and let him feel that you are his mother and you always want the best for him that's why you want him to stop from his addiction and just live his life normally. Tell him that it's not because you wanna have fun in your life, you can always try anything you're curious about. You should always have self control and respect for yourself as a person. Life is so good you just have to live with it without any hassles and troubles. Be a mother to him. Forgive him then give him another chance to correct his mistakes and reckon his undertakings!!!!!!!!!! Just always be there for your son.....
First of all, I say, I am sorry yet another person is hurting over someone else's disease. I too have someone close to me that is an addict, my husband. He is an alcoholic and a pain pill addict. He has lied, stolen, and basically destroyed any relationship we had. Why am I still here? Because I won't give up on a person who I still love.
It is hard to stop trying to help a person you love, but there is a way you can still support him emotionally. Draw the line. You and only you can decide what that has to be. Even if you and his father are no longer together, you need to make a united stand against this behavior and lifestyle.
He needs to be around people who care for him, but at the same time, he needs to be pushed from the nest. 19 is young, but not too young to learn one of life's most important lessons, self reliance and self discipline. Give him a choice, 3 months of treatment or find a place of his own. Tell him, after he completes the treatment he is welcome to stay with either you or his father until he finds a job and gets on his feet and that he will either submit to a drug test when ever you and his father feel the need or he will be on the street. You have to take care of you too. Whether it be the Alanon meetings or a personal counselor. I agree with the other person who stated that there may be a misdiagnosis on the bipolar issue. Once he detoxes, they will run tests to find out if he is actually bipolar, if he is they will try different medications to even him out. Medications which are prescribed for bipolar disorder are addictive also, and they will most likely try to get him off of any medication which is addictive (such as xanax, and other barbs).
My husband was diagnosed with BPD 8 years ago. He was on and addicted to Xanax for 7 years. He lost insurance at his last job when the plant shut down. He went through really hard times and was buying the pills on the street along with his hydrocodone. After being off the Xanax for 2 years now, we both agree, he was not bipolar, he is most likely ADD.
He goes to the doctor next week and they will be running tests to find out.
I hope everything turns out well for you and your son. Good luck and my prayers are with you.