Borderline Personality Disorder - a friend with BPD wants more than a friendship!


Question: A friend, named "C", has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). If I remember correctly, people with BPD have a tendency to think in black & white terms, and if you're in the "white zone," they may become too attached. C takes handfulls of psychiatric meds every day, and has been hospitalized for a psychotic episode somewhat recently.

I know C would love to date me, but I've told C that I'm not at that point right now. To be honest, I've realized that I could never be in a relationship with C, because C rarely makes eye contact with anyone, has very few interests, literally only eats fastfood, pizza, or chips, and never wants to try anything new. How can I explain that to C? I would still like to be friends, but hurting C's feelings could be very hazardous to C's mental health.

I feel like C is going to make a move soon, or ask me out again (C has once in a text message, and once in person). How can I explain that I just want to be friends?


Answers: A friend, named "C", has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). If I remember correctly, people with BPD have a tendency to think in black & white terms, and if you're in the "white zone," they may become too attached. C takes handfulls of psychiatric meds every day, and has been hospitalized for a psychotic episode somewhat recently.

I know C would love to date me, but I've told C that I'm not at that point right now. To be honest, I've realized that I could never be in a relationship with C, because C rarely makes eye contact with anyone, has very few interests, literally only eats fastfood, pizza, or chips, and never wants to try anything new. How can I explain that to C? I would still like to be friends, but hurting C's feelings could be very hazardous to C's mental health.

I feel like C is going to make a move soon, or ask me out again (C has once in a text message, and once in person). How can I explain that I just want to be friends?

You have to be very clear and upfront with BPD's. As you say, BPD's tend to "split" their relationships into extremes of good and bad with no gray area in between. So you always have to communicate in a completely black and white fashion; this saves a lot more grief in the long run. For example, by saying that "you're not at that point now" puts some hope into C; however if you end up dating someone else, I guarantee they C will consider it as a gross betrayal and you will be deep in C's "black zone".

What are you worried about? If you don't wanna go out with him, thank him politely for the invite but you have to decline. Say you're not ready for a romance right now. That's all. Don't freak out over it.

i second the first answer, you should just say that you arent ready for a relationship or something, personality disorder or not, rejection happens

You seem to have a pretty good handle on what is going on with "C" and you are correct in your evaluation of BPDs. I don't think you should take on the responsibility of "C"'s reaction to your just wanting to be friends. If "C" had a recent psychotic episode which required hospitalization and takes hands full of meds each day, this is not a situation that you or "C" can control and no matter what happens there will be other issues to deal with.

You cannot let yourself get sucked into this. Just tell him you want to be friends. Anything other than that is just window dressing.

Good luck. You are a good friend.

Don't allow C's BPD to determine how you treat him or her. That only feeds his or her disease. Be open and honest. Usually, BPD's make idle threats.

It's a nightmare of epic proportions. I was married to a BPD spouse for 8-years and despite the divorce and being split for 4-years now, the chaos and terror she rains down upon me and my loved ones even today hasn't let up.

There are a lot of good books and resources at the source - as well as real life experiences.

You need to set firm boundaries and keep them. Whatever she does to herself as a result is out of your control. You cannot fix a BPD and nothing you do will relieve the deep-seeded pain and anguish they live with every single day. Only long-term, intensive therapy MAY help.





The consumer health information on answer-health.com is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions.
The answer content post by the user, if contains the copyright content please contact us, we will immediately remove it.
Copyright © 2007-2011 answer-health.com -   Terms of Use -   Contact us

Health Categories