How to deal with a son with Post Pardon Depression, and a mothers pain?!


Question: I have raised my son and daughter by myself since "93, went through alot of stress, worked alot, made sure my kids were loved and taken care of. My son joined the Army after he graduated, I feel quilty because he is so smart and I wanted him to do something with his life, I feel that I pushed to hard, the kids never had a dad, he ran out , so been dad and mom, long story short, since he has got back from Iraq, 2 years ago, he has changed, I knew this would happen, but it hit me hard, we were always close, he started putting me down for everything, disrespecting, hurtful words, I try so hard to make him happy, I have tried everything, he says he has been put on meds, seen dr's , but it's not helping him, I'm not the type who smothers, want him to be happy, tell him I love him, tried to talk to him, he has not told me he loves me , does not call alot, talks are short when he does. I'm watching him drink more, more out of control, kills me , I can't heal until he does. Help!


Answers: I have raised my son and daughter by myself since "93, went through alot of stress, worked alot, made sure my kids were loved and taken care of. My son joined the Army after he graduated, I feel quilty because he is so smart and I wanted him to do something with his life, I feel that I pushed to hard, the kids never had a dad, he ran out , so been dad and mom, long story short, since he has got back from Iraq, 2 years ago, he has changed, I knew this would happen, but it hit me hard, we were always close, he started putting me down for everything, disrespecting, hurtful words, I try so hard to make him happy, I have tried everything, he says he has been put on meds, seen dr's , but it's not helping him, I'm not the type who smothers, want him to be happy, tell him I love him, tried to talk to him, he has not told me he loves me , does not call alot, talks are short when he does. I'm watching him drink more, more out of control, kills me , I can't heal until he does. Help!

Maybe he is missing his "dad" and taking it out on you with the abuse and drinking.
The meds should have come with some therapy, as in a psychiatrist to get to the root of his problem. After he gets to talk and get to the root of what's bugging him, then you can be "re-introduced" maybe?

It's not that he doesn't love you, he's just having trouble showing it. He's probably got a lot going on in his mind that is too painful to share with you for some reason. Maybe stuff he has seen in Iraq. Was he in a combat situation over there?

I'm sorry for your painful situation. I've got 2 sons myself and know how I feel when they push against the love you feel for them. But not one that's gone to war (yet). We can hold on to the memories of when they were little and hope and pray they come to their senses.

Your sadness sounds overwhelming to you.
Having a son who has mental health problems or pain is distressing. Knowing he is drinking more and more breaks your heart. You should be proud of his serving in the military.

In my own life the fellow I married came back from Viet Nam and in a sense "brought the war back with him" He never let it go, especially in his sleepwalking. In those days mental health care was difficult to obtain.

Your son has better opportunities to access the Dr.s and meds. Sometimes it is effective to speak-up and other times it is more effective to remain silent and pray for him.

I would suggest you speak briefly with someone at the Mental Health Clinic, to help you understand what is most likely happening with him and how to proceed. Secondly I would suggest you find a group of other women to be able to find emotional support that you need. Meet weekly. Churches are a great place with small groups that meet to support each other.

As sad as it sounds, people do need to WANT TO change. It is hurtful for the relatives who care so much to watch him do it his own way, in his own time.





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