Worrying too much about my looks. Bad self esteem..?!
Question: Hey everyone. I'm a 22 year old male, and I'm always paranoid about my appearence. I've been told by my mom and sister that I worry more about my looks than a woman does.
I find myself unattractive, even though people tell me that I'm not. I always feel like a woman is never going to like me because of the way I look. Even though I know deep down inside my attitude and confidence is more of an issue than my looks are.
Even when I do get a girlfriend I'm always paranoid they are going to leave me for someone better looking, or cheat on me with someone who is better looking.
I want to seek therapy for this, but I can't. I'm in the military, and I have a chance of getting discharged if I need to seek any sort of mental therapy do to my job in the military. And that's a risk that I can't take.
Does anyone have any advice on how to move past my looks? I just want to feel comfortable with myself.
Answers: Hey everyone. I'm a 22 year old male, and I'm always paranoid about my appearence. I've been told by my mom and sister that I worry more about my looks than a woman does.
I find myself unattractive, even though people tell me that I'm not. I always feel like a woman is never going to like me because of the way I look. Even though I know deep down inside my attitude and confidence is more of an issue than my looks are.
Even when I do get a girlfriend I'm always paranoid they are going to leave me for someone better looking, or cheat on me with someone who is better looking.
I want to seek therapy for this, but I can't. I'm in the military, and I have a chance of getting discharged if I need to seek any sort of mental therapy do to my job in the military. And that's a risk that I can't take.
Does anyone have any advice on how to move past my looks? I just want to feel comfortable with myself.
As a nurse in the Army I can attest that you won't get discharged for having low self esteem. If you feel like you want to talk with a psychologist you should. I've gone to mental health myself and talked about some really personal bad feelings and it helped. There are very few circumstances where a psychologist would need to report any behavior. They are there to help you. I promise.
Having feelings of low self-esteem is normal in many people. It doesn't matter if society thinks you're all that if you don't see it in yourself. During young adulthood it can take some time to get comfortable with the way you look. I can attest to that myself.
My best advice for you is to talk to someone about it who can better help you. You will not receive any grief from the military about seeking personal therapy. Nor will seeking personal therapy be a risk to future promotions. I speak having been there myself.
Ya know I'm sure that it sounds mean and all, but suck it up. Plain and simple. Stop worrying about your looks and be yourself, nothing more to it.
More than likely a girl won't leave you for your looks. If she does then she did you a favor, because she isn't taking the relationship seriously. However, your personality is the issue. So just be man about it.
Looks fade anyway. Someone should be with you for you, not for how you look or think you look. I sometime get self esteem issues also. Maybe try a new look? New hairstyle, color, clothes? Maybe that will give you a boost?
Your looks mean squat to the right girl. Do you want someone who is shallow?
I am with a guy that many would not find physically attractive, I don't care. His heart is good, great sense of humour, kind, generous and the list goes on.
I went out with many good looking, shallow guys to whom I was eye candy. I made them look good--we looked good together--whatever. They never lasted long .
I dated these guys only a few times, they did nothing for me. They had nothing but looks. I couldn't have a meanful conversation with them. They spent longer in a bathroom getting ready for a date than I did and I quickly lost interest.
Looks are nothing. When you love someone they are attractive no matter their outward appearance. It is the heart and the soul of a person that matters.
I have been approached, flirted with, and promised better things if I left my guy. I've even been asked (quite cheeky) why I was even with him. My response has always been "because he has more to offer than you ever will." I love my partner for what is inside; the outside means nothing.
I know that people look at us as a couple and think there is something wrong but I will be the first to tell you that true beauty comes from the inside. Be the best you can be and I swear that will attract a REAL woman.